The whole cursed night was spent tossing and turning in bed.
Why, you may wonder?
That's because her body had never burned that way in her life, the way it did in those unbearably agonizing hours.
She couldn't really explain it—the kind of horrible torture it was. The kind of torture that felt more and more hazardous as the clock ticked away, constantly providing her with a nourishing dose of reminders that Ronin was just a tiny distance away. The man she had crushed on for such a long time. The man she had hoped would be a better husband. The man she had hoped would stop being a stranger in their unconventional marriage. The man she had spent her nights hoping would turn over a new leaf one day and touch her the way her whole body would writhe under his warmth.
Carmen vividly remembered the way her mind would conjure up strange yet beautiful fantasies of them in her dreams. With him being the one who would make her heart flutter with just a smile, sometimes walking into the office and heading straight to her desk, catching her by surprise and asking her on a date. Of course, she would have said yes because that's what she had wanted for such a long time—the crush and all. But he would surprise her once again, calling her into his cabin. He would ask her to shut the door and be a nice boss for once, the boss who wouldn't despise her mere existence. The boss who would take her hand in his, make her sit at his desk, lean in, and give a sweet peck on her lips, telling her how beautiful she was, how he had wanted to do that for a longer time than she did, how he was about to make her fall in love with him...
But, of course, at the end of the night, the bubble of her dream would burst, and she would wake up to the painful reality soon enough—alone in her bed, alone in her room, alone in her life.
That had hurt, Carmen wouldn't lie. Ronin's indifference, even long after their marriage, had hurt a lot more than she was ready to admit, even to herself.
But times had changed now. Ronin had changed, and she knew this change was not one of his usual acts. The day she took him to see his sister, Ronin had asked her to give them some alone time. Carmen had given him a silent nod and left, giving the brother and sister the privacy they needed. When Ronin finally walked out of that room that day, he was a changed man.
It was all in his eyes, in the way he finally allowed that brusque facade to slip away and reveal the vulnerable man he was from the inside—the man who cried if hurt and didn't just suck it up because that's what society expected from him, the perfect man. The man who allowed himself this second chance at redemption. The man who was flawed and had made horrible mistakes, but also the man who wanted to start over now and make all his wrongs right.
Even if she wanted to, Carmen could not ignore this new Ronin. It was hard to. Impossible even. Because the new Ronin was the kind of man she always dreamed of herself. The man who gave her butterflies by merely breathing in the same room. The man who had stopped being an asshole and had embraced his kinder side. The side that was more beautiful than anything. The side that cared. The side he was forced to suppress for millions of reasons. But also the side that did not change the fact that they were now divorced, that it was complicated, and that she couldn't take a risk on her heart, not again, not with him.
The alarm on her phone yawned and shrieked, and it didn't take long to realize she hadn't slept a wink.
'Such a waste of a night,' she thought to herself, before finally turning off the noise and sitting up, her back against the headboard.
Carmen's eyes slowly, unintentionally crawled over to the door—the small space between the floor and the bottom of it, where the lights from the outside room flooded in, the room she had Ronin to last night.
Curling her fingers into a fist and throwing her head back, she let out a suppressed scream in her head, wondering why fate had to be so cruel. Why couldn't she just do what she wanted instead of doing what was right? Why couldn't she just...
No. She shook her head. It was wrong. So damn wrong. What she did last night was the right thing to do, no matter if every inch of her hot and bothered skin screamed otherwise. Instead of giving in to the walking, talking temptation that the utterly gorgeous man was, she had kept her head straight and chosen to follow the rational course of action. She had to remind herself that the only reason she returned to Logan's world was to unravel the truth that had become a danger to their lives. And having anything even remotely romantic with Ronin Logan was not part of the plan.
Speaking of plan—
Carmen shook her head and ripped the duvet off her. She took off her clothes from the night and hopped in for a quick, cold shower. When she walked out of her bedroom, dressed in a pair of grey pants and a red satin shirt that was yet to be tucked in, her eyes widened even more, and her legs paused midway when the fragrance of a steaming cup of coffee hit her straight in the face.
Carmen had barely recovered from the shock that the couch in the living room was empty when a familiar deep, gravelly voice came from the kitchen to her left.
"Hey, good morning. Want some coffee?"
Carmen tried not to stand too stiff as she turned to face him, her eyes taking in a very bare-chested Ronin with his dark-as-ink hair all sexy and messy, as if he had spent the whole night running his fingers through them, not sleeping a wink either.
Could that be true?
Stop it! She scolded herself. Don't fucking go there. Ugh.
"Ah, sure," she said with a small, not-so-confident smile, hoping a strong dose of coffee would help her wake up even more, at least from this reality that had started to feel more like a dream, instead of focusing on all those strong and toned muscles that he had on display.
She watched as he gave her a nod and a smile. The two things that should not have punched her in the stomach the way they did, the way her chest tickled and knots inside her loosened and pulsed to life.
Carmen sat down at the dining table and thanked him for the coffee when he placed the steaming cup in front of her. But then he grabbed the chair next to her and sent her poor heart into a frenzy once more.
At least, he could have put a shirt on, she thought pathetically to herself.
But she shouldn't have been surprised. There were too many times in the small expanse of their marriage when Carmen would wake up and come downstairs, only to find Ronin walking out of his room wearing nothing but a pair of washed jeans or sometimes sweatpants. He would walk around barefoot, grabbing the newspaper from the main door. All the while sipping on the coffee he would make for himself and then for her, leaving her speechless every single time.
But maybe it was his way of not starting his day on a bitter note. Maybe he was just trying to be polite because having to frown, scowl, or be his rude self was way too much work so early in the morning, and everyone needed a respite at least a few hours in the day. Or at least that's what she always told herself.
What else was she supposed to think anyway? It wasn't like he ever tried to explain himself or his actions. Until now, of course.
"You okay?" His sudden, concerned voice next to her brought her back to the real world, and she blinked, nodding hurriedly, focusing on the steam floating up from the cup.
"Yes, of course," she wrapped her fingers around the hot mug, loving the sharp warmth that kept her present in the moment. "Just didn't sleep well, that's all."
"Same," he spoke softly, and Carmen finally lifted her gaze and settled it on him, watching as he took a sip before placing the cup down, the way his throat bobbed. "Stayed wide awake. I think I might need another round of coffee after this, just to make sure I don't fall on my feet in the middle of the day."
He was joking. She could see it in the way his eyes twinkled and a small grin curled at the corner of his mouth. That beautiful mouth that tasted like sin.
She averted her gaze, sighing. "Anyway, so, are we all set for today? Did you make the arrangements we talked about?"
Ronin leaned back, clearing his throat, his hands on the table. "I did. I couldn't meet them in person yesterday, but I did give them specific instructions over the phone. Jasper will be overseeing the final touch-ups, but I'm confident this will give those people the kind of push they need to come out of hiding."
"I hope it works," Carmen wished, exhaling deeply.
"It will," he spoke with such confidence that it made her look back at him. "They won't be able to resist," he added. "The only thing that bothers me is that it could also trigger a violent response, for which we need to be prepared."
"I am," Carmen said with strong determination, steeling her gaze. "I can't wait for this to be over, to put an end to this madness that has already ruined Willow's life, and now yours is at stake." There was an urgent need for those people to pay for what they had done—they couldn't be allowed to walk free anymore.
For a long minute, they both sat in silence, as if taking a moment to mentally prepare themselves for what was about to happen—for what was coming. However, the silence broke when she felt the top of her hand cupped by his warm touch.
Carmen's instant reaction was to yank her hand away, as if she had been burned by his touch, but she couldn't—not when he wrapped his fingers around her fist and didn't let go, holding onto her as if silently telling her to calm down.
She did calm down. After a few deep breaths, her shoulders relaxed, and her breathing returned to normal. But her heart? Her heart continued to pound hard. She met his gaze.
"I thought about what you said last night," he said to her, drawing her attention back to him. He looked sober, as if holding nothing back, as if he had nothing to hide. "And you're right. We can't continue what happened yesterday—we shouldn't," he leaned forward, his eyes on her, only on her. "Not the way it happened. And maybe it's not the right time either."
Carmen felt a massive relief wash over her, glad that he agreed. She nodded. Although a small part of her felt disappointed as well. It was like a small black hole in the corner of her brain, threatening to suck in any sensible thoughts.
But then he stood up, pulled her chair closer, and leaned in until their noses were almost touching. Carmen swallowed hard, suddenly shocked by how close he was, overwhelmed by the lack of personal space and his boldness.
He gently stroked her cheek with his thumb, his intense gaze focused on her, sending a little shiver down her spine. "But when this is all over and we find those assholes and toss them behind bars, bring my sister the justice she deserves, I'm going to pursue you, Carmen. I'm going to do everything I can to win your beautiful heart, and I'm going to worship you every single day of our lives, until you get tired of rejecting me and let me in..." The thumb that stroked her cheek now drifted down to her lips, before traveling the sensitive curve of her neck in a slow and sensual dance, and down her collarbone, making her tickle, until a finger poked at where her heart thumped against her ribs. "...here. Right here. I want you to know that, okay? I want you to remember this."
Then he leaned back and straightened up, grabbed his coffee, and took another long sip, acting as if he hadn't just shaken her entire world, as if he hadn't just left her entranced and her skin flooded with a terrible amount of goosebumps.
In a good way.
In a very satisfying way.
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