♱Recommended song: Stranger By Jhené Aiko♱
♱Noa's Pov♱
I should go back.
I shook my head, no that's selfish of me.
Because what happens when she gets kidnapped again?
Or gets traumatized from another shootout?
I can't have her ending up like my mom—I mean, look at where that led my father.
This all might hurt both of us, but at least she's alive.
"Where's Lundy?" Vincent questioned as I approached the table, which easily sent a wave of guilt through me, knowing she was crying in a bathroom right now.
And all alone at that.
"Noa, where's Lunden?" Vincent questioned again, but it was clear his protective walls were growing by the second.
I let out a deep sigh, feeling my stomach grow hollow, "She... I left her," I breathed out, and for once I was being truthful with myself.
I wasn't sugarcoating it.
I just left her.
"Oh my gosh," Arya said, clearly concerned as she stood from the table and wandered back into the hotel, leaving me and Vincent alone.
I sat down, resting my head in my hands as I contemplated everything.
Is there more to life than mafias and power?
Because right now it feels like the only thing—the only person I need in life is Lunden.
She's the only thing that completes my life.
"Maybe I should just give it up for her," I breathed out, lifting my head from my hands.
Vincent's eyes widened, "What? Like your position in the mafia?" he questioned, clearly surprised that I would do such a thing.
I'm surprised too.
"Yeah, I mean what choice do I have?" I said, knowing the past six months of my life felt like literal years.
And on top of that, hearing about every single fling she brought back for the night.
It kept me up at night, imagining explicit scenarios that I shouldn't have.
Knowing that someone else was touching what was mine.
"Noa... that's..." Vincent trailed off, clearly processing what I just said. "You really love her," he declared, realizing that this wasn't honeymoon bullshit.
And it wasn't—I was genuinely about to give up my whole life for her.
It was something I had been thinking about for the last few months—but giving up my position meant giving up a family legacy.
It meant letting down my parents.
And even if my dad selfishly threw himself into a coma—he was the best father I could've ever had.
He taught me everything I know.
"Noa, we can keep her safe. She's been tied to the Saints since she was—"
"No-no, you know that's not how it works. You know her status changes," I cut him short, knowing that she'd never be known as just Lunden Spade anymore.
Vincent reluctantly nodded, knowing that I had made a good point, and before I could say anything else, my phone began ringing—easily snapping me back into my zone.
It was like a switch for me—one that only Lunden could flip back.
"What is it?" I spoke through the phone, and it was clear that I was not in the mood.
However, when I heard what the man said next on the line—I was easily standing from my seat, feeling entirely rushed.
"Fuck," I breathed out, motioning a confused Vincent to stand up as well.
And as the phone call ended, I was rushing to the doors of the hotel with Vincent following behind me.
It felt like my entire world had suddenly spun off its axis with just a single phone call.
And it didn't even take me five minutes to have a plane ready to head back to New Orleans.
♱
I entered the estate, feeling slightly exhausted from the long flight—and the fight with Lunden playing on a loop in my head didn't seem to help.
It just really hurts because she thinks I want to hurt her—that I don't even want to be with her.
When truth be told, I'd drop down on one knee for her right now.
"Noa," his familiar voice called out from the dining room, and almost immediately I began practically running through the wide hallway.
And almost as soon as my eyes landed on him, I felt everything in me break down.
He looked just the same with his familiar sharp face and brunette hair that was dusted with a slight hint of grey.
And even if he had just woken up from a coma, he was already dressed in his usual button-down and black slacks with his hair gelled back precisely—clearly ready to get to work.
I felt tears grow heavy in my eyes, realizing I hadn't full-on cried since...
Well, the day he went to the hospital.
Since then I had shut it all down, knowing I had to be a good leader for him.
But right now, seeing him sitting at that table looking as healthy as ever—and awake...
It made everything inside of me break.
"Dad," I forced out as he stood from the table with a frown and glossy eyes of his own.
And as soon as we collided into a hug, I broke down completely—feeling as if I needed him most right now.
"Il mio cielo, I'm so sorry," he said, hugging me tighter to him as I finally let out everything I had held onto since I found him overdosed on those familiar white pills.
The tears came down at full force, almost feeling therapeutic in a way and leaving me empty—but in the best way possible.
It was like letting go of all the baggage.
I let out a deep sigh as we pulled back from the hug, wiping the tears as I stared up at him with a grateful smile.
"I can't believe you're awake," I breathed out, clearly still processing all of this.
My dad laughed, "I can't believe you got Santino—I'm proud of you kid," he said, jokingly hitting my shoulder.
I laughed, and for once in the past six months, it felt real.
"That would be due to my girlfriend actually," Vincent suddenly chimed in, which easily earned a playful eye roll from me.
My dad didn't hesitate to pull Vincent into a big hug, "Oh caspita, you've both grown up so much," he said, pulling back from the hug and ruffling Vincent's hair.
I laughed, "Just so you know, his girlfriend is actually Santino's daughter," I purposefully added.
My dad raised a brow, "Aryanna?" he questioned, already knowing of the woman.
Vincent gave me a narrowed look, "Way to snitch," he said, flicking my ear.
I laughed, flicking his ear back, "I'm just stating the facts," I pointed out.
My dad shook his head, "That girl looks just like her father—how did you not spot her the minute she stepped foot into our territory?" he said, clearly amused as I looked over to Vincent with a raised brow.
"Yeah, Vincent—how didn't you spot her?" I sarcastically questioned as I flicked his ear again. "Or were you too busy playing house with her?" I singsonged, clearly teasing him.
Vincent only gave me a narrowed look, "Hey, my girlfriend put him into a coma for us so—"
"Wait, she did what?" my dad cut him short, laughing to himself before he said, "Ay that one seems a little crazy—I'd stay on her good side."
I couldn't help but laugh, "Yeah, Vince, stay on her good side," I flicked his ear yet again.
Vincent huffed, "I swear to God Noa—" he flicked my ear back, "—Maybe you should tell him about your girl that isn't your girlfriend because you're paranoid."
And almost immediately my mood sank back down, thinking back to Lunden who is back in Paris probably still crying.
"Unbelievable, my Noa has a girlfriend?" My dad asked, clearly excited to hear about Lunden.
Vincent nodded a few times, "And get this—it's my sister," he said proudly.
Jesus, someone please give Vincent a fucking award.
My dad's eyes widened, "Little Lundy?" he questioned, clearly having a small recollection of her when she was younger, which was mostly due to her leaving New Orleans when she got the chance.
"Yeah... but we're not really a thing anymore," I hesitantly said, earning a look of disapproval from Vincent.
My dad tilted his head, "How come?" he said, clearly wanting to be clued in.
I awkwardly pursed my lips, "I'm just trying to protect her," I said, and upon hearing it, I could easily tell that my dad wasn't satisfied with my answer.
"Yeah, so I'm just gonna... Hey chef do we have any chicken and waffles?" Vincent called out as he walked toward the kitchen.
I looked back to my dad, watching as he leaned back against the long table with his arms crossed over his chest—here goes his dad lecture.
A smile grew on my face at the idea of the familiar lecture—I hadn't had one since my senior year of high school when I almost failed Anatomy.
"I want to start with the fact that no one will ever be able to protect something or someone you love better than you," my dad began, holding the most serious look on his face, "Everyone's priorities will always be different—but yours... well, yours will always be the constant. And your priorities for her are the very boundaries between life and death."
I nodded, knowing he made a good point—but it was never about knowing I could protect her better.
It was about when I couldn't protect her.
"And what about the times when I can't be there? When I fall short by just a second?" I carefully asked him, knowing it wasn't a question I had been able to answer for myself.
And right before my eyes, my dad's face fell, "Il mio cielo—is this about your mother?" he asked.
And I wanted to say no—but what else could I believe?
I grew up knowing it was better not to fall in love—to not have a weakness that someone can exploit against you.
My dad sighed, knowing that I didn't even have to say anything to acknowledge the fact that it was related to her.
"You know..." my dad trailed off, clearing his throat slightly before he said, "Even if her death hurt like hell and it cost me years of your life—I would never go back and take away the time we had together."
I furrowed my brows slightly, expecting the entire opposite from him.
Expecting that he'd wish to go back just to save her life.
My dad shrugged, "Maybe that makes me selfish, or maybe... maybe that makes me a man in love," he admitted wholeheartedly, easily scattering my thoughts into a frenzy.
I had heard it from Vincent in a similar manner and I had definitely heard it from Lunden.
But at the end of the day, it was my dad that I needed to hear it from.
He's the only one who's ever been in my shoes and has the experience to guide me.
"Noa," My dad suddenly called out, easily snapping my attention back to him, "The Saints are no longer your responsibility—at least for a little while longer. Go be young and in love," he said, and almost instantly I felt relieved from the tireless duty.
"Really?" I questioned, clearly shocked by his words.
My dad nodded, "Yes, Really—now come on, where is she? I need to meet her," he said, easily causing a smile to erupt on my face.
"She's in Paris right now—and God do I have so much to tell you about her," I said, knowing I could talk about Lunden for hours on end.
My dad smiled, "You can fill me in on the plane—Vincent come on, we're leaving!" he suddenly called out.
But something suddenly halted me—something that I needed to do first.
I placed a hand on my dad's shoulder, "I need to do one thing first," I said, easily earning a hesitant nod from my dad as Vincent emerged from the kitchen with a fresh plate of chicken and waffles.
"Bro, are you kidding me? I'm just trying to have chicken and waffles," Vincent sighed, clearly over this flying back-and-forth situation, especially since I made him leave the restaurant in Paris before getting his food.
My dad shrugged, "Just bring them with you—come on we have to go."