Reader tries to hide her post pregnancy depression from Ruben.
Enjoy!
Everybody was so happy, smiling faces all around. They were passing around the baby, kissing it's head like it was baby Jesus himself. All you could feel was darkness. A darkness so deep that you wanted to put a knife to your wrist and go down with it.
This was the first time Ruben's side of the family saw the baby. His aunties and uncles almost got into a fight over what it's name should be since you and Ruben had yet decided. What's the point, you thought. What's the point of giving the baby it's name now when it wouldn't respond to it until three years time?
"What's the matter?"
"What do you mean?"
At some point of the night you caught Ruben's eye. Perhaps it had been the way your gaze stared blankly into space whilst everyone around you were sparkled with joy. Ruben had nudged his head towards the door, wanting for the two of you to go outside and grab some air.
"You're doing that thing again." He said.
"What thing?" You frowned, however, you knew exactly what thing Ruben was referring to you doing.
"It's like your not hear, with us." He said.
You could hear the pain in his voice. The pain that the darkness within you was causing him.
"I wish you would talk to me." He mumbled. "Tell me how to fix it, fix you."
"You can't." You said, tears sliding down your cheeks.
Ruben turned to look at you but you moved away, hiding your face.
"I want to try." He said, desperation in his voice.
You shook your head. "You'll hate me if I told you the truth."
"Why would I hate you?" Once again he attempted to touch you. This time you let him and he hugged you from behind, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist. "Please Y/N, tell me somthing I can do to make you happy again?"
"Get rid of it."
"What?"
Your voice was so weak he was almost unable to catch what you said.
"Get rid of what Y/N? What do you want me to get rid of? Anything, I'll do it."
He was desperate to have the old you back. The one that smiled with the sunrise and laughed at noon. The version of you he fell in love with.
"The baby." You said, voice quiet.
Ruben's grip around your waist loosened.
"Y/N." He said, voice stuffed and unrecognizable. "You don't mean that."
You raised your head to look at him. "I do, Ruben."
He stumbled backwards, almost tripping himself on the threshold of the poarch. "B..but, why?"
He couldn't understand it. But who had ever understood depression?
"Because she will hate me Ruben." The tears flooded down your cheeks, burning your skin. "I'm not good enough for her. I won't be able to love her like I should, to take care of her as I should."
You closed your eyes as Rubens tight embrace smothered your whole being, shielding you beneath his strong arms.
"Don't say that." He whispered, collecting you in his arms. "Your not in this alone, your with me, remember?"
There was a since of relief, a relief that he was there, holding you in a time where you weren't sure if your legs could hold you up anymore.
"I'm here, please tell me that you know I'm here."
His arms trembled around your body.
"I know you're here." You whispered and suddenly the trembling stopped.
Ruben brought you arms length, his hands cradling your face.
"I'm here for you, always." His hands dried your tears.
"I know, I know." You muttered, a sensation of guilt overwhelming you. How could you tell him such a thing? To get rid of the baby. Ruben was never going to look at you the same after hearing such a dark request leave your mouth.
"Look at me." He said, raising your fallen chin with his hand.
"We'll get through this, together."
You nodded. "Together."
He bent down to kiss you, your wett cheeks cold against his nose. Ruben didn't budge, instead his arms pulled you closer, pressing your body against his, showing you that even in your darkest hour he would always want you the same.