It's been too long. I've had no recovery nor have I had any cure to save me. The past few months and years have been spent with my most favourite people and before that it was all to do with football and Pablo.
I've come so far and for me to still be here years after being diagnosed is honestly the biggest miracle. Though I am just so brutally ill that there's nothing left for me I am dying and I can feel it.
Pablo sees it too but he just can't take it in and I didn't expect him to I knew he wouldn't he won't tell Emmie but Emmie can see through him. She's seven it's been time she understands how I feel and what's wrong with me.
Javier on the other hand of course doesn't understand though I could never be more than happy that I got to watch him take his first steps, speak his first word. Kick his first ball. He's going to be one of a kind I know he will.
Pedri though I feel like I have never seen a side worse than his he is loosing his best-friend and I wish I could just tell him it's going to be okay but I know it isn't. I've been strapped to these machines for so long and I just want to breathe the free air.
I know the minute the turn them off I crumble and my body stops completely. My heart stops beating shutting off all my organs but it has to happen today because I just cannot fight anymore. I'm exhausted.
It's October 19th 2031 and Javier just turned one just a few months ago. I won't be here for Emmie's 9th or Pablo's 28th. Pedri being 29 this year. It's over and I just have to let it be. It'll hurt at first I lost my mother at a young age due to the same reason I was broken and I hate for Emmie to go through it.
Javier won't remember it as much but he will be okay he will have photos, videos and memories. Pablo will never get over it I watched my father mourn over my mother for years and years of my life. Pablo won't give up on me now he won't be able to.
He'll understand when I say I can't do it anymore though and he will bare. He will stay strong for the kids and so will Pedri but alone they will break. My father he feels this pain more than any of them do. He lost my mother and now he's loosing me.
I wish I could be saved.. I wish I could be cured but there's no way anymore they've tried everything and I have tried to fight it but it's just soo deadly.. I started crying I was asleep and everyone was still around me but I just burst into tears opening my eyes looking at everyone around me.
It's only Pablo, Pedri, Emmie, Javier and Fernando around me. Pablo held my hand tightly but gently in his own. "Hey, you're okay." I shook my head I was breathing heavily causing my heart rate to rise. "Mais calm down please." Pedri spoke sitting on the other side of me.
Javier was next to me on my bed, Pablo wakes up
every morning and sits them next to me before I wake up. Emmie was on Pedri's lap she looked at me and I looked at her she nodded then looked at Pablo. "Daddy. She can't do it no more." Pablo looked at her he didn't know what to say.
You saw the way his face froze and he was ready to break but Javier was smiling hugging into my arm tightly. I wish I could make him understand but I couldn't and he won't find out till he's a little older.
Pedri sucked in his cheek looking down at his feet holding Emmie on his lap tightly. Pablo then took a deep breathe and looked towards me. "Are you sure?" Another year fell from my eye as I nodded. "I'm sorry.." Fernando shook his head as Pedri's eyes shot up and looked at me.
"Macie Pie. You have nothing to be sorry about." Fernando said while he sat in the edge of my bed holding the bottom of my leg. "You've done us all proud. Every single one of us. If you think it's your time to go you know better than us." He always knew how to speak he was always the best at it.
"I love you. I love you all." I was choked up in tears. "Thank you for everything you ever done for me okay? Javier." I looked down at him he started wiping my tears with a small pout on his lips. Oh how much he looked like Pablo scared me so much.
"Promise mummy you will be the worlds best football champ!" He crossed his arms over his chest and a smile planted on his lips. "I promise mummy!" He shouted as I then looked over to Emmie who was in tears causing me to pout.
Pedri sat her back onto the bed I took her hands into mine as I sat up. "You'll always be my little girl. You make sure you tell little Ronnie how much I will miss him okay." She was now crying even harder. I hated doing this but I need to say everything I can.
"You will be the best footballer in the woman's football and you will win all these silly awards and daddy will be there at every single one. I will always be looking down on you Emmie. You have my word. Maybe I won't be here but I will always be here."
I placed her hand against her chest onto exactly where she'd feel her heart beat. "I love you mummy. So so much." She laid her head onto my leg crying into it while I now looked over to Pedri. "You are my best friend. It's been since day one we were together fighting over the ball."
He laughed a little wiping his eyes. "You've always been there for me through it all and I don't think there is anyone in this world I will appreciate the way I appreciate you. You've coke so much for me and I love you with all my heart." Pedri started crying though he was keeping it strong as always.
"You'll always be my big brother Pep." He held my hand and leaned his forehead against it. "Oh Mais. I don't know how I will do this without you." I chuckled a little. "Don't do anything stupid." He then laughed slightly. "You're taking all the stupid with you."
I sniffled a little more then I smiled looking at Fernando. "You was always my favourite." I winked as I felt Pedri's eyes on me. "You helped me through so much and you have always been Pedri and I's biggest fan. I'll always love you Fer even if we didn't spend so much time together."
He tapped my shin a little then I eventually turned to Pablo. I pulled him closed to me and his forehead was pressed against my own. I smiled a little then closed my eyes holding both his hand into my own.
"Oh Pablo where do I even start. I have been in love with you since the day I first met you at that family meal. You are the reason I am who I am now and I honestly don't think i'd be anywhere right now if it wasn't for you. You brought me the moon and the stars and even the sun if it was too dark. You made me happy when we thought there was nothing left and the day I became your wife made me one happy girl. I know when I am gone you're going to be the worlds best father to our two little ones. You just remember that their mother was an absolute superstar. We have been through so much together since we were eighteen and we are now only twenty four. I know it's early but I also know you're strong enough to do this. Keep winning those leagues at Barça stay their till retirement don't let anyone let you leave. I have faith in you Pablo. I love you like no other and you'll always be my Pablo. Just know I'll always be in your heart but I will always be at your games in the stand and smiling at every goal. I'll always be at the beach and in bed at night. I'll never leave your side until you beg me to do so. Thank you Pablo. You're gonna be okay. You have My Football Heart. It's all yours."
We were both sobbing and I think there's no other words to describe how we were all crying in that bedroom. I now had them all a lot closer to me each giving me the biggest hugs though Pablo, Javier and Emmie wouldn't let go. I just held them like there was no tomorrow.
My whole heart was about football until I met Pablo I passed my love for football and shared it with him and that's why I call it 'My Football Heart' because my heart had no other love but football till I met Pablo.
My father came up the stairs I smiled at him and he looked around everyone who was crying their eyes out and he looked at me shaking his head. "Oh Macie." He walked over Pedri shuffled along so he could get in. "You're really ready."
I started crying again as I wrapped my arms around the neck of my father crying into his shoulder. "Papa.. I am ready. I get to go see mama now... Pedri.. he is there for you Emmie, Javier Fernando and Pablo. They have your back they promise."
My father was shaking I will never understand how he is feeling right now but he's so lost and I feel so horrible. "Oh Macie I can't loose you too." I wiped his tears with my thumbs growing a weak smile onto my face. "You're strong papa. You are."
He then kissed my forehead closing his eyes then nodding. The rest of my family came uk stairs. I gave them all my hugs while they said their goodbyes. Then my Granny. "Oh my little baby. You tell your mother I said hello and that I miss her annoying little face."
I giggled a little while hugging my granny tightly. "I promise you I will Granny." They all stood around me while the nurses then came up stairs and looked down at me. "Miss Gavira? Are you really sure?" I took a deep breath and nodded. "I'm ready."
I squeezed Pablo's hand tightly while they started taking everything off of my body. Everyone was crying which just caused me to cry more. I had my babies right next to me and my family all around me. I'm going to die happy and I am sure that's the best way to go.
The switch was then turned off as my eyes connected directly to Pablo's I could feel how low my breathing started getting but I still was able to crack a small smile. "I love you Pablo Gavi." He wiped the tear from my cheek. "I love you forever Macie Gavi."
I then placed a kiss on each of the kids heads and held Pedri's hand into my own. I looked around everyone as I whispers the words of "Thank You." As I then closed my eyes as my breathing slowed and slowed until it eventually stopped.
Pablo's POV
There it was. She was gone. My girl my beautiful and most perfect wife, best friend and lover was gone. I was crying just so hard but I knew I had to stay strong for Javier. Though Emmie was lost Pedri placed a kiss onto Macie's head then took Emmie from the room.
I picked up Javier who was just right next to her and kissed his head with a smile. "Why mummy not talk?" He asked and I knew I had to explain to him what just happened. I stood up smiling to her family was was around her.
I walked out of the room while her family said their last of their goodbyes to her corpse. I was lost and honestly I couldn't tell anyone how I did feel because I just lost my other half.
I walked down the stairs to where my family were. Aurora looked at me and she knew I was going to break. Macie said her goodbyes to my family a few hours ago I saw it in her face after she told us.
Aurora took Javier from my arms and walked into the kitchen while I just collapsed into my mothers arms on the sofa but then everything just reminded me of her. Being in Macie's arms while laying on this exact sofa I couldn't do it.
I was crying and in between breathes I would try speak but I just couldn't. "She- sh- she's g-" I sniffles into my mothers shoulder holding her so tightly. "She's gone mama." My father placed his had into my shoulder rubbing it gently.
I had nothing to even say nor did I have anything to do but my wife was upstairs dead on our bed.. I have so much to do.. so much to plan.. where to bury her.. near Camp Nou.. that's where I can lay her to rest.
2 weeks later.. Funeral
It's her funeral today and I honestly don't know how today is going to go but it's going to break us all. Javier's been asking for Macie for the past two weeks and we've tried to tell him she isn't coming back but he doesn't understand.
"Daddy?" I turned to Emmie who was wearing a black dress with black tights and little black heeled boots. "Hm?" I replied. I haven't really been myself since I lost her but Emmie didn't ever give up with me.
I have many people around me but they've all lost her too so I hate not being myself to be able to help them with their loss. Emmie is only eight and she lost her mother and I don't even know how to talk to my own daughter about her mother.
"I know it's hard daddy. I know but today we get to leave her to rest and it'll give us all some ease okay?" I nodded then put my arms out to her. She ran over to me as I picked her up taking a hold of her in my arms. "I've got this darling. I'm sorry I'm being such a bad daddy."
Emmie shook her head and held my cheeks into her little palms. "You're not a bad daddy. I promise you." I smiled as a tear slimed from my eye that she then wiped. "We all lost mummy. We all know how it hurts you." She gets this from her uncle Fer. He knows how to talk the sense and so does she.
"Pablo it's time." Pedri said from the room door. I then looked back at Emmie forcing a smile onto my lips. "You ready?" She then nodded as I placed her back onto the ground taking her hand into my own. I was in my black suit the one Macie loved seeing me wear.
I thought I would wear it for her and then hide it in the back of the cupboard somewhere to never be used again unless Javier finds it one day. I walked down the stairs with Emmie to Aurora with Javier in her arms.
"I can take him." I took Javier from her arms as she then placed a kiss onto my cheek. "You sure?" I nodded. She nodded also before making her way over to her boyfriend while I saw the cars outside and the funeral car with her coffin inside with flower of 'Mummy', 'Wife' and 'Daughter'
I just broke again but I refused to let the kids go I was holding Emmie's hand while I had Javier on my side. Emmie squeezed my hand when she heard my tears again. We got into the cars while I arranged them both in Pedri sitting just in front looking out the window.
He's been locked in his room since she passed. Only people he legs in are Javier and Emmie. He won't talk to me, Fernando, His parents or anyone in his family. Just the kids. I get him and I understand why he feels this way he just needs time.
The funeral was over pretty quickly though we was in there a whole everyone was crying listening to the memories and trying to figure out how to understand all this. Why her why did it have to be her. I wouldn't wish it on anyone but just not my girl.
I carried her coffin with her father, Pedri, Fernando, Pedri's father and my father who she always felt as her trusted person. We placed her down back into the car while I held the hands of our kids walking them behind the funeral car.
I think Javier was beginning to understand because he was crying painfully Emmie trying to calm him down. Phil was only a few people behind us because Ronnie was next to Emmie holding her hand while we walked.
I hated having kids at a funeral but they all knew her so well so it was of course a one off. Pedri, Emmie and Fernando took a hold of the same rope. I held one with Javier as her father, her aunt, her uncle and her granny all took one to theirselves as we lowered her into the ground.
Her stone was beautiful and it all added up to it all. The funeral ended we didn't feel like an after party to celebrate her life because Pedri and I decided we could just go home and watch movies just like Macie would.
Aurora took Emmie and Javier with her while Pedri and I stayed at her grave. We were there that long we watched them fill her back up with dirt as we held onto one another. "She's still with us." He said. "She'll always be."
Macie Garcìa Pàez Gavira
Died October 19th 2031
Aged 27
Missed and Loved dearly
Mummy, Wife and Daughter
Also a loving Cousin and Niece
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I will tell you now I am never getting over the fact that this book is over. There is an Epilogue that'll be published straight after this.
This though has been such a journey for both me and for you. It's crazy how far I have gotten with this.
I am so sorry for the tears if you all cried because I am more than sure I did.
I love you all and thank you for all the support within this book.