"The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are: a subtle kind of murder."
- Excerpt by Jim Morrison
I go back to the dinner table with Amelia close behind me. Lucas' eyes shift between both me and Amelia and he knows what just happened but he doesn't say anything keeping his lips pressed tightly together.
I sit down at the table and Lorenzo turns to me, "Are you okay?" he whispers. I take a deep breath and I nod, trying to convince myself that I'm okay as well.
I just need to survive a couple more minutes. The dinner is almost done, even though I barely touched my plate.
We continue eating in silence and it leaves me with my thoughts.
Did he never want me? Why did he not fight for me, the both of us, instead of just fighting for Chloe? Why in the world did he not want me?
I put my utensils down and look at him. Heavy with disgust.
"Why did you not fight for me? What was the reason you put a restraining order on me even though I did absolutely nothing wrong?" I ask him and he looks around nervously.
"Why are you bringing up something like that?" he scoffs and glances at Amelia but looks back at me with an aggravated look in his face.
"Daddy, what does restaurant order mean?" she asks, trying to pronounce "restraining order" but obviously can't, hence the mispronunciation.
"Amelia and Ariana go upstairs. These guests have obviously overstayed their welcome," he demands and I scoff in disbelief.
Oh, really now?
"Are you going to keep hiding both Ariana and Amelia in the dark?" I'm so mad that I can't keep my temper in check. I'm pissed out of my mind. I'm glad I believe Amelia because right now I especially do.
"I loved you. I wanted a father. I went from Las Vegas to Carson City all alone when I was 14 years old! I thought you would take me in but all you did was turn me away," I shout, "I could've died you know but I'm pretty sure you wouldn't even care."
"I'm tired of this disrespect. Especially in my house," he argues, standing up at the table.
"I fucking hate you!" I yell at him, tears are threatening to fall again and I know I'm scaring Ariana, Chloe, and Amelia but I don't care. I'm too mad that I can't keep my mouth shut.
"Get the fuck out of my house!" he curses.
"I will gladly go. Fuck you," I say, flipping him up and I turn to leave.
Lorenzo follows me but before he leaves he thanks Lucas and Amelia for the food. I'm not thanking him for anything. I did enjoy the meal, the most I can muster to actually swallow but I hated being in this house.
I learned things I didn't want to.
I enter the car and Lorenzo enters the driver side.
"Drive," I demand, "I don't care where but not home."
I'm trying to make sure with all of my might to not cry. I don't want to. I already seem weak in front of Enzo. I don't want to be even more.
Once we drive out of the neighborhood I begin crying. Tears are running down and they seem to have no plan of stopping.
Did he never love me from the start?
He continues driving and I put my head in my hands and continue to sob right there. I don't care what's happening right now or where we're going but I just want to scream out until my vocal chords break and I can't speak anymore.
Lorenzo stops the car and I look up out of my hands. I can't see too well from the blurry vision caused by the tears so I don't know where he stopped.
"Didn't I say for you to continue driving?!" I shout and then I'm quiet. I don't want to get mad at Enzo because I'm mad at Lucas and wondering if my entire life is a lie.
"Let's go outside for a second," he tells me and I listen. I exit and wipe my eyes to see we're on a deserted road. Just plains and it's a farm and I don't know how in the world he knows this place exists.
I take a deep breath of fresh air and I smile. It's comforting compared to the suffocating place where we were just previously in.
Enzo wraps his arms around me and I hug him back tightly, squeezing my eyes shut and just focusing on him and his calm and steady heartbeat unlike my erratic one.
I finally calm down and soon my hiccups remain.
I pull away from him and wipe my face. In the dim lightning, I look at my hands and see black streaks, probably from my mascara.
"Do you have cigarettes on you?" I ask him and he hums, nodding. I hold out my hand and I feel him place a cigarette in there.
I put it in my mouth and he lights it for the both of us. I inhale the dangerous smoke in my lungs, infecting it. I exhale it watching the smoke disappear in my night sky.
"Are you okay?" he asks me and I'm quiet, inhale and exhale and I look out. I watch the beautiful full moon in the clear and non-cloudy sky.
"I'm fine."
"Damn your life is rough. I knew you had it difficult because you're a stripper and all. You need money but we're more similar than we thought," he says, chuckling at the end of the sentence.
"Oh, great," I scoff, "The rich guy is complaining about his life now."
"Come on. My life isn't perfect," he tells me and I laugh.
"Yes it is. What problem do you have?" I ask him. He's rich and he grew up like that. I'm pretty sure he has two perfectly fine parents in the house. Imagine that. Yeah, he might've had to deal with the mafia young but he never had to struggle a day in his life.
"Hey! Just because I'm rich doesn't mean that my life was fucking great!" he shouts at me, "You're pretty and smart, Angel. Was your life great?!"
I keep quiet. I'm now being insensitive to other people and their childhood. Especially Lorenzo. A mafia is hard to deal with and he had to hurt and murder people young. That's not good nor okay at all.
"So what happened?" I ask and he grumbles something underneath his breath.
"I used to have the time of my life when I was younger. I was much happier and very close to my siblings. We might as well all be best friends. The adventures we used to go on... My sister, Dariya and my brother, Sergei. If you didn't know, I'm the eldest," he says. He pauses a little bit, inhales and exhales, and takes a calm breath.
"My parents fought a lot... but the arguments weren't totally bad. They started their relationship on a rough foot so, you know, it made sense. Their families completely hate one another...Romeo and Juliet type of situation... excluding the killing themselves.
Anyway, there was that one night and their arguing was very bad.... I knew their relationship was not going to be the same afterwards. This was probably when I was... 13? Sergei was about ten-years-old and Dariya was nine. This is what led them to getting a divorce.
In court my parents fought and they fought hard but it was only for me. Not all the kids. Just me. Court sessions were long and they were just pinning each other to see who's more fit to parent me. Mama wanted me to become the boss of The Sovas and Papa wanted me to be the CEO. My proper calling. I was seen as a prodigy to them," he explains.
Inhale and exhale.
"My mom managed to get main custody of me but it ended up turning to full custody. My dad decided to take full custody of Sergei since he couldn't have me and he was the only choice to have there. Dariya was split between the two. Spending breaks, weekends and summers with Papa. After she turned 16, she was able to choose and chose us."
I smoke my cigarette thinking.
I can't imagine how Sergei probably felt at that time. He mentioned court sessions and since I attended when my parents divorced, I only assume they attended as well.
It's traumatizing.
Imagine your parents fighting over your brother and they never wanted you. His father chose him because he had to, it was the only way to continue his "legacy".
He was 10. I was lucky to be 12.
"I was raised to be the leader of the mafia, training hard. I was enrolled as an assassin and worked my way up without anyone's knowledge as the last test. My mama is the chairwoman, she stepped down from her position giving me the position as Boss.
Growing up and even now, I got everything handed to me even without me wanting it. I got the girls, I got the money whatever and however much I want. I even have the popularity. I'm handsome," he takes a breath and pauses. He drags the cigarette and blows. I do the same.
"You know what fucking sucks. Sergei ended up hating me because of it. I don't know why. Our relationship ended up going downhill and I want our relationship back. Sergei hangs up the phone the second I answer and threatens to file a restraining order against me if I don't stop. I might call him tomorrow though," he says, laughing at the end of his sentence but going serious again, fumbling with his cigarette.
"Now he's the CEO of Papa's company, meanwhile I'm the boss of Mama's business. Dariya is an assassin, the top and best one in the business next to me. However, she wants to travel the world but she needs to get better."
I look at him confused, changing the scene from the moon to his face... glistening.
Better? Is something wrong with Dariya?
"Wait, what do you mean 'she needs to get better'? What's wrong with Dariya?" I ask him.
"She's just... not mentally well," he tells me and I turn back to the moon. I light my second one and light Lorenzo's third one. He burns through these much faster than me.
"None of us are in the positions we want. At all. The Ivanovs and Antonovs don't like one another. We are all back to being enemies and it's so weird even though we all used to love each other," he says, finishing his story.
"Both of our lives have been rough," I mumble and I feel a jerk saying all that stuff to Lorenzo. I am really insensitive.
"I'm sorry as well."
"Well, the only good outcome about doing this shitty job is that at the end of the year I get a lot of money!" he laughs.
"How much?" I ask, "I've been wondering that since you seem not to worry about money at all."
"Well," he says, dragging a puff, "the group and I make the same amount of money. 12.6 million dollars per year."
My eyes go wide and I'm shocked that he makes that much money.
"Shit!" I curse, "I made chump change compared to you. Even without paying all my bills."
It reminds me of the group of men that I owe bills too. They probably want to find me as soon as possible. I haven't paid in a shit long time and I'm not at my old place.
However, Lorenzo, the man right next to me, might change my life.
It could be for a little bit, for a while, or...
Forever.
- ECSTASY -