Hard to get? //Luke Hemmings #Watty2015

Chapter 32

My eyes droop as I try to keep them open to watch them play. They looks amazing and even though seeing them makes me extremely proud, jet lag seems to have quickly caught up with me.

It has been about six hours from getting off the plane and the boys have been given no break. Straight off the day long flight, they rushed into radio interviews, magazine interviews, sound check and into the dressing rooms to look 'camera ready'; something I don't think they need to do.

Everyone besides Luke and I, actually got a good sleep on the plane. They'd had this flight many times before and got used to the routine, but I definitely haven't.

I've only slept a few hours on the plane and kept waking up every few minutes because Luke kept trying to make sure we were both comfortable.

Then the rest of the flight consisted of Luke and I talking, laughing, watching films and humming lyrics to songs we'd listened together all those years ago.

I decided to ignore the fact that I noticed a playlist called 'Demi's favs'. I desperately wanted to see what songs he'd got in there and whether he actually listened to them.

I also ignored the fact that Luke's phone was the latest iPhone, which meant he must have created the playlist long after I left.

My mind hasn't caught us with the fact that I'm back 'home'.

The word 'home' has been used for all the places I have lived.

England is 'home' because that is where I'm familiar with, where my family and childhood are, but isn't where I feel I belong.

Sydney is 'home' because that's where my heart is. Sydney is where I felt myself and even though I'd not been down every street, it felt like I'd been there years; probably from the loads of memories that should have been separated throughout years.

But Melbourne is 'home' too. Melbourne is where I live now, where my child's childhood is. Melbourne is where I have escaped to. Melbourne is where I'm trying to make my home, but failing to do so.

The familiar streets bring back memories of riding my bike, playing truth or dare and giggling when having to kiss someone on the cheek.

Places I'd been only less than five years ago seems like lifetimes away. It seems like all my childhood was a dream and I awoke in Sydney, but being back here, is like realising it actually happened.

I try to enjoy every moment being here with the boys, but I truly can't. I can't stop thinking that the longer I don't speak to Chloe, the longer it's going to take for her scars to fade; mine still bright purple; the ones on the inside are still healing while the ones on the outside are long gone.

Also being a teen mum, I made the decision once I found out I was pregnant, I was doing this alone and I would have to give up all the fun, being young and become selfless by putting my child first.

And I'm going against it all.

Lucy shouldn't been away from me right now, but I know with everything going on, it's better off that way. I have to do this for Chloe.

I take a look at the set list stuck of the wall beside the stage. Only a couple songs remain so I decide to call Joe.

The call is short as it's early in the morning and Joe isn't a morning person; though I don't know anyone who is.

He says Lucy is fine and is warming up to him quickly. He actually says that her being with him a while is a good thing as she's having a male figure; even though Joe isn't necessarily masculine.

The thought plays on my mind as I mime the lyrics of 'Beside You'.

Does Lucy need a male figure? I was brought up with just a mother and I don't think I turned out any worse that what I would have done with a father.