Hard to get? //Luke Hemmings #Watty2015

Chapter 40

I know I should be extremely happy that I’m awake and well, I am, but god I’m so suffocated. Luke is constantly stuck by my side and beside the fact he’s told me that he wants to be in Lucy’s life, he’s barely spoken to her. He’s only answered a few of her questions and been in her company when I have, but he seems too scared to.

I just hope he’s not affected by the fact she may be Dean’s.

It runs through my mind often, but as she’s grew older, I’ve realised that even if I spend every second worrying that she’s his and trying to convince myself that she’s Luke, it won’t change whose half of her is owned by either one of them.

Lucy is Lucy. She is herself and even though we’d have a lot less drama if she wasn’t Dean’s, we wouldn’t be able to change that. I love her whether Dean is her dad, I just don’t want to resent her for it. I especially don’t want to bring up my anger towards Dean every time I look at her, and that’s the reason I don’t want to know, because thinking she’s Luke is better than knowing she’s Dean’s.

The others know my reasons and luckily I wasn’t the one to tell them. Joe did. Luke told me that while I was sleeping him and Joe had a conversation and he told Joe to tell everyone as he knows telling anything remotely related to Dean is hard for me, and Luke wouldn’t want to be parted from me to tell them.

I’m going home today, and it seems like Luke doesn’t want me to. He’s been asking my doctor and nurse about whether they are sure I should leave, and even when they say yes they’re sure, he’d ask again five minutes later.

“I’m okay Luke” I’d said every time he’d ask me before, but just like the last, he’d say...

“No you’re not. You’ve been badly hurt and I’m not having you die if they discharge you too early” he’d snap softly then proceeds to bug the doctor.

I grab my packed bag of the stuff I wore before they changed me into the hospital gown, the extra stuff Luke had brought for me and stuff he’d brought including toiletries as he’d told me how he’d used the hospitals shower room that’s supposed to be for patients! Then again, he has a special relationship with the nurse, and I’m pretty sure that’s the reason he doesn’t want me to leave, but more to spend with my pretty middle aged nurse.

I almost laughed out loud when I walked past Luke and the doctor out of the door. I could still hear Luke’s voice when I got to the end of the corridor. I pressed the button for the ground floor and lead out of the dreadful hospital that makes my skin crawl.

It’s not the smell, or even the reason of why I’m in here, it’s the fact that this place is where many people have lost loved ones, tearing their life apart, and even now, I can see red rimmed eyes that make me sad; it just shows that we all have to die one day, and people care.

I’d never got that concept when I was younger, because I was selfish. I’m not saying I’m not now, but not half as much as I was then. I used to think that the world and the horrible things that it contains, only affected me, and that the world would carry on spinning without me just like normal. Though I didn’t realised, that even though the world does carrying on spinning nonetheless, my death and my pain would affect many, and damaged their worlds.

I didn’t realise that everyone has someone who cares. Someone always does. I just wish I could go back to my old self and tell her that people do care, and I don’t have to suffer in my own pain, especially when it causes the people I love to feel pain too.

Life is like a mountain I guess.

A really big mountain and all the way up the mountain is a path. Everyone has their own mountain. When you get to the top, your journey has ended. You’re tired to go back down The Mountain is a path to death, but everyone has one, because everyone knows they’re going to die some day. People don’t like pointing that out though. But what I would of never of guessed, is the mountains have ditches. When you fall into one there is no guarantee that you will get up again.