44. Memory Loss

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"He lost a part of his memory", the doctor said as I felt myself blackening out. Like the ground breaking and eating me alive. The sky crashing down on me. Like a huge tide washing away the life from me.

I stood there stunned. Not believing my own ears. My legs felt so weak, they tremble as I walk to the chairs. I collapsed into one of them with my head in my hands and tears down my eyes.

"I don't know what to do now, Veds", I spoke to her after few minutes. She gave me a sad look and patted my back.

"His life is out of danger now. That's a better thing.", she said lowly. I nodded that it's true.

The doctor walked out of his room. We asked him whether we can go and see Jay. He hesitated to tell us something but he said at last.

"You can go but he is still sleeping. We don't know yet how much memory he has lost. So it's better you just wait for few hours till he wakes up."

"Okay doctor",we said and sat there. I guess I should cry at this point but there is nothing left inside me to let out. I am too shocked at the things. Too shocked to accept that Jay may not remember me.

I think this is a phase. Like a cloud closing the sun. Once it passes I could see the reality. Only the reality is more bitter than now. More painful than it already is. More breaking than I already am.

Maybe my heart is taking time in accepting the situation which my brain seems to accept. Truly speaking both my brain and heart are not taking it. They are not ready for this. They would never be ready.

An hour passed. A nurse came out to tell us that Jay is coming to consciousness. We felt elated to hear that. She went to the doctor to bring him along with her.

"I know everyone is eager to see him, but let's do this one step at a time. I think it would be better for him to see his parents first.", the doctor said trying to cheer us up with his terrible attempts.

"That actually makes sense.", I said looking at Jay's mom and dad whom I we would call Mom and Dad in a month if everything were normal. They treated me as their daughter, they still do.

"Mom, Dad you go first", I said hugging them both as tears dropped slowly. They nodded and walked inside.

"He will remember us again, Sia. Let us don't lose our hope." Manyu said as he dat next to me. I just nodded wishing that he didn't forget us already.

It's same for all of us. We all met at the same time. We are friends from the same time and for the same amount of time. If he remembers, he does everyone of us or none. There is nothing in between. Atleast that's what we are thinking.

After few minutes struggling with anxiety about what is happening inside, Mom and Dad walked out from the ICU. Their faces a little better than before. That actually gave me a little hope.

The doctor came again for another regular check on Jay and said that we can go one after other now and not to disturb him.

I wanted to go inside to see him. My Jay. My love and my life. But I am also trembling at that thought of looking at him in pain. He is in so much pain right now. I don't know what to tell him after going inside.

I went inside counting my steps. The silence killing me already. There on the white sheets he was, eyes closed, face scarred, forehead crinkled in pain. Several equipment fixed to his body.

I went there near him, stood there beside him, afraid of waking him up, tears rolled down my eyes. I think they are the only companions I have that never left in kith and kin except for Jay.

He slowly opened his eyes. The deep blue staring at me. They hold a lot of pain and agony. They are not the same ones for which I fell so hard. And yet they are same.

"Jay ", i whispered as my voice already cracking up.

He just stared at me without any acknowledgement. May be he didn't listen to me.

"Jay", I called him again. This time a little louder than before but still slow.

Same expression in his face. May be he is trying to speak. I waited but he still looked at me confused.

"Jay, Its me, Sia", I introduced myself. Trying to help him remember and wishing he would give a reaction. But none.

"Sia???", he spoke very slowly that I could barely hear.

"Yes, I'm Sia. Remember me?", I asked.

Do you know what is heartbreaking? Introducing yourself to your love like a stranger.

"Do I know you?", He asked. That's enough to kill my already dead soul. Big tears started looking around my eyes, my voice cracking up, trembling. My legs losing their strength and turned to a mush that I can no longer stand.

The doctor who is there facing me came to my support. He tried to speak something but nothing went to my brain. All I could see is that confused look in those deep blues that once showered love and now asking me who I am.

"It's okay. Ms. Sia. Stay strong. Let's get out of here. Alright", he spoke and walked me out.

That second I broke into the ground. I wanted to scream but no voice came up. I just fell to my knees holding the ground.

The doctor spoke something to the others there.

"He didn't remember her.", He said to Veds. I think she cried too.

"His memory loss may be temporary. He may remember slowly, it may take some time. We can't tell how much it takes. It's a slow process." ,he spoke patting Ved.

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