stay || seo changbin [✓]

twenty-five.

I laid in my bed, my blankets wrapped around me like a coccoon. I made it back home before Chan and Changbin. My room was pitch black with the only light shining through was the moonlight and outside house lights from the houses in the neighborhood peaking through my curtains. I tried to fall asleep, but my mind was all over the place, it was impossible to shut it off. When I thought I was okay, my eyes would fill with tears and I would silently sob into my pillow.

I heard my brother and Changbin come into the house. They were talking about the rehearsal and gig as they walked down the hallway to their shared room. I wonder if Changbin ever listened to my voicemail. He never called me back or texted me.

I heard one of them walk out of the room and into the bathroom. Within a few seconds, the bedroom door opened again and then my door slowly opened. I didn't bother to move from my blanket cocoon to see who it was, I already had a feeling I knew.

"Hey, what happened?" I heard Changbin's voice. I saw him walk to the side of my bed, kneeling down on his knees in front of me. "Is everything okay? I got your voicemail."

I broke. My silent sobs turned into choked cries. I buried my face into my pillow to muffle my cry, the pain I was feeling coming out as I yelled into the pillow.

"Chaise?" I heard the panic and concern in his voice.

I tried to calm myself down before slowly sitting up in my bed, keeping myself wrapped up. I looked at the boy who was still kneeling in front of me, the pain in my chest building up at the thought of having to break the news to him.

"I'm so sorry," I apologized. "Changbin, I'm so fucking sorry."

I hung my head as I started to cry more. I felt his fingers under my chin, lifting my head so I could look at him.

"What happened?" The look in his eyes was killing me. "Chaise, talk to me."

"I lost the baby."

Without hesitation, Changbin got up and sat on my bed. He wrapped his strong arms around me, pulling me into his chest and holding onto me tight. He let me cry into his chest, slightly rocking from side to side. I heard him sniffle a few times then felt his body start to shake as if he was crying as well.

I pulled myself away from against his body and out of his embrace, looking him in his teary eyes. "I'm so sorry," I apologized again.

Changbin grabbed my hands with his, giving them a small squeeze.

"What happened?"

I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders. "I wish I knew. Everything was fine, but I started to feel a bit weird and I just thought it was either because the baby didn't like the noodles I had for dinner, or if watching a murder mystery video while eating wasn't the best choice," I started to explain. "I started to feel cramps and I didn't think anything of it except that I could just be feeling sick. But then I saw something in the chair and after I cleaned it-"

I stopped explaining myself as I started to relive the experience I just had hours ago while being alone at the house. I started to feel the pain in my chest again. It felt like my heart was cracking, like it was literally breaking inside my chest.

"I ran to the bathroom to check and there was dark blood and blood clots in my underwear," I continued to explain. "That's when I knew something was wrong. I've read pregnancy articles to learn about some symptoms and read other women's experiences during their pregnancy and one thing I read was that darker blood, excessive amounts of blood, or blood clots are signs of miscarriages. I called the emergency clinic right away and they told me to go in."

"What did they say?" Changbin was no longer crying. His tears were dried up but his eyes were still bloodshot red. He had a sad and broken expression on his face as he listened to me explain everything that happened.

"They said I was miscarrying." I took a deep breath in, holding it for a few seconds before letting it out. "They had me stay there until I passed the baby, but I wasn't there long since I passed the baby pretty quickly."

I covered my mouth with one hand, closing my eyes to try to force myself to not cry. I started thinking about the baby, seeing how tiny it was when the nurse showed me.

"It was so tiny," I managed to whisper. "That was our baby."

Changbin motioned for me to lie back down and I did. I scooted over a bit, giving him some room to lat next to me. He wrapped his arms around me once again, holding me close to him, as if he was going to lose me next.

"Did they tell you what might have caused this?"

I shook my head no. "They really didn't say. But they did tell me that miscarriages are way more common then we think."

Although miscarriages are common, the fact that it even happened is still heartbreaking. It hurts knowing I was once growing a tiny human, that I was going to bring life to this world in about seven months but no longer am. I was excited to be a mom. I was already in love with the growing fetus. Changbin took responsibilty, started changing his ways, was starting to become like the boy he was before I broke his heart. Now that there's no baby, I'm scared he's going to go back. I'm scared he will drink again and let himself go, let himself turn into the asshole he was for a while, into the asshole who would constantly fight with everyone. I'm scared of losing him.

As for myself, I'm terrified. I've been doing so well mentally. I felt like I had a reason to be the best version of myself. I knew that in a matter of a few months, I was going to be important to someone, I was going to be loved. But now I'm terrified that I'll let myself go, that I'll lose all my happiness and see nothing but the dark.

I looked up at Changbin who was staring at my ceiling. He noticed me looking at him and moved his focus down to me.

"Please don't leave me." I pleaded. "I can't go through this alone. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to fall back into the dark hole and lose everything."

Changbin pressed a soft kissed on my forehead , giving my body a small squeeze.

"I'm not going anywhere. You need me just as much as I need you," he replied. "You need me more, actually. I'm not going to let you go through this alone either."

The two of us laid there in silence. I placed my head more onto his chest, listening to the sound of his heart beating. The soft thumping sound was calming me down, my breathing was starting to go back to normal.

"I want to move in with you." I mumbled as I closed my eyes and focused on his heart.

His body became a bit stiff after I said that. "We'll talk about that tomorrow. Get some sleep." He planted another soft kiss on the top of my head, lighting drawing random shapes on my arm.

"I love you, Changbin." I said just above a whisper.

"I love you too, Chaise."