Blue Eyes (bxb)

Forty Seven - Part Two

"Zak, please leave. Finn doesn't want to talk to you," Georgie sterned.

I didn't listen, as I stepped closer to my love. He didn't look at me, but I didn't expect him to. I will admit, though, I was glad he wasn't wearing his sunglasses, so I could see his blue, blue eyes, no matter how lifeless they were.

I got close enough to notice the silver flecks in them, dipping to my knees in front of him, until he sighed defeatedly. "Zak... I don't want to be near you."

That hurt, more than I'd care to admit. I thought back to all the times we held hands, kissed, stroked each others skin... fucked. Now he couldn't bear to feel my breath on his arm.

"I just want to talk. We need to talk. We need to clear this up before either of us go insane."

"Insane? Zak, you're already pretty fucking mental. It isn't clinically okay to be so arrogant and self-centred. You hurt me, so, so bad. I don't want to talk anymore."

"Finn, please listen, just listen, that's all I ask of you."

"You heard him, Zak. Just leave," Georgie huffed.

This certainly wasn't going to plan. Not like I expected him to fall into my arms straight away, but this... hurt. It really hurt, bad. There was no way he was going to listen to me, unless I forced him to. So I did.

"Just fucking listen, okay?" I was wearing my heart on my sleeve; that was rare, I was just now overcoming my fear of vulnerability. "Finley, I treated you like shit. I knew that then and still know that now. But you have to understand my situation, because I'm not like you. I can't be open about how I feel and who I love - that's just who I am. This whole relationship was fucked to begin with, but we still tried. And now, I'm not afraid of who I am anymore. I want you to see who I am, for real. Without the secrecy and the lies and the manipulation. Just me. Like I am now, standing in front of you. Telling you that, yes, I love you too, so fucking much that I think I'm gonna explode. Now, can we try again, for real?"

He was silent, but reached a hand in the air. I leant towards it, letting his fingers slip around my face, across my cheekbones, my eyebrows, my lips.

"I love you, Finn," I hummed, barely above a whisper.

An echo of uncertainty flickered across my brain. This was love, but no one ever told me love kind of sucks ass. I was so certain of the truth that I killed the romance. All Finley saw was an overtly cocky macho-man dripping with rainwater on the brink of tears confessing his love - a love that is most likely false under the circumstances. There was no reason for him ever to fall back into my arms. And, strangely, I was okay with that. As much as he made my heart soar, he had the final say. If that meant never kissing him or holding his hand or touching his hair ever again, at least he taught me a lesson to last a lifetime: that real love comes when you least expect it, but when it's needed most.

I knew Finn's response before he opened his mouth. It was written on his lips. I reached a hand to his, the one now tracing my nose.

"Why are you wet?"

"It's raining outside."

"Didn't you drive?"

"Car broke down." By this point, we were each virtually whispering into each other's mouths, pouring vanilla letters into heart-shaped words. His warm breath fanned my face. My tongue traced my lip. The others had left the room now, so all I wanted to do was latch onto him, entwine our souls into one entity of permanence. Except, that is not what he wanted.

"Zak, I love you, and I've never been in love before. It's really scaring me, especially because you are such an arse. But I love you. And I will probably love you for a long time. But that doesn't change the way I feel about us."

I knew what he was going to say. I knew it, but I was not going to change his mind.

"Please, believe me when I say I have loved being with you in the short time that we were together. You have taught me so much about the world, protected me, loved me, bullied me, even. Yet, all good things have to end at some point," he murmured. It felt like chocolate melting over fire to hear those words floating in the air. As painful as it was, it was what was necessary for our own well-beings. Sometimes love isn't enough. I now know that that's perfectly okay. That is just the tragic beauty of life in all its romanticism.

"I understand."

"You do?"

"I do."

"You don't hate me?"

"I could never," I affirmed. "Really, never. I love you, Finley Renolds, my blue-eyed boy."

"I love you, too, hazel. Now, go and live your fucking life. Do what makes you happy, because you deserve all the happiness there is. Go find your person, and tell me all about him."

"I will, as long as you promise to keep wearing those thongs." We both chuckled and got to our feet, hands dropping to our sides. Even if this was goodbye, it was a sweet moment, where the world was in between our bellies, and the stars in our eyes. We were both ready for our own sequels. We were both okay with that.

"Can I kiss you, one last time?" I asked, hesitantly. I was still slightly unnerved with dramatic pretences. He nodded, ever so carefully, and our lips found each other, as if they were finding their way home. He did taste and feel like home, but the bird must leave the nest at some point.

When we broke apart, I wished him the very best, and slipped silently out of the room. The door closed behind me.

Fin.

Song: 'The Next Best American Record' by Lana Del Rey

Thank you so much for reading. I know this book was a long time coming, so I appreciate you sticking with me until the end. Please, stay safe. I love you all.

- Emily xx