Blue Eyes (bxb)

Twelve

When I arrived home that afternoon, only Steph was around. She said Mum and Dad took Bobby out shopping for new toys. The house felt abandoned with Mum's usual hums and over-the-top dance moves from the 80s. To be honest, I wouldn't notice if Dad was home or not. He never paid any attention to me, apart from when I screwed something up.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my dad with all my heart, but sometimes... he's a bit distant. Unlike Mum, who's up in my business 24/7, always trying to stop me from causing trouble or unnecessary drama. Although it gets pretty irritating at times, I'm glad because it means she cares. But with my dad? I have no idea.

I wandered into the living room where Steph sat, lazily flicking through the latest ELLE magazine like she did all those years ago. The television was playing in the background on some dramatic reality show that involved three women screaming bloody-murder to one another. I sat beside my sister, for her to promptly position herself so she was laying over my lap. "How's my baby bro?" She cooed, glancing up from the pages of her magazine.

"I'm good, yeah. How's my big sissy?" I chuckled.

"Wait.... did you have a nose ring before you left for school tomorrow? Or am I going crazy?" Steph gasped, snapping up from my lap and almost knocking some of my teeth out.

"Uh... I... erm..." I stammered.

"YOU GOT YOUR NOSE PIERCED!?? ZAK, MUM AND DAD ARE GONNA SLAUGHTER YOU!!"

"I know! I know, I know. Finn told me to!"

"And you listened to him?" She sighed.

"....yeah."

"You fucktard! Seriously, what were you thinking?!"

"I thought it looked good," I shrugged.

"I guess it does... but that doesn't mean your not gonna be in HUGE trouble when Mum and Dad get back."

"I know. It'll be fine, trust me," I reassured.

"Whatever, your problem, I guess. Just don't go crying to me if you get kicked out," she sighed, laying back down and scoping out another couple of pages from ELLE.

"Anyway, you and that Finley kid seem close. At the barbecue you two were acting as if you were dating," she laughed. Crap.

"What? Haha, no! Why would you even think that? He's such a freak!" I defended, unconvincingly. I didn't know why I felt so nervous and guilty all of a sudden. I mean, we aren't dating. Of course not. I'm straight. I'm straight. I'm straight. But if I am straight, why am I second guessing myself? And why do my pants suddenly grow that much tighter when Finn touches me?

Wait... I'm not... am I? No, I can't be... there's no way... unless... I'm gay.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. What if I am? Everyone will hate me! I'll get kicked off the football team. People will call me a fag and beat me up. It'll ruin my life. I can't risk the chance of destroying my reputation over some stupid fantasy that I'll probably wake up from tomorrow morning.

"Zak? Babe, are you okay?" Steph asked, clicking her fingers a few inches away from my face. "You're as pale as a ghost."

"Er... yeah, I'm fine. I'm just g-gonna go up t-to my room," I stuttered, practically sprinting up the staircase.

Okay, I just need to think rationally about this. Millions of people around the world are gay. It's not just me. I'm not alone. There must be someone I can talk to.

Finley.

Finn's gay. But then, he's kind of the reason I'm second guessing myself here. Should I talk to him? Or should I figure things out on my own?