Blue Eyes (bxb)

Twenty One

The kiss was short, but unbelievably sweet. His cherry chapstick sat comfortably on the tip of my tongue. I smiled breathlessly. Though our make-out session didn't last any more than a few seconds, his lips were pink and swollen. My heart bubbled in my chest, a feeling that was so foreign to me.

"Well, then," he whispered, flashing his obnoxiously white teeth. "I guess you aren't as straight as you so confidently claim."

"Haha, very funny," I sneered, but a laugh still tickled the back of my throat.

"I try," he murmered.

"So... uh... what does this mean?" I backed away a bit further now, so only our shoulders brushed against each other.

"I dunno. What do you want it to mean?"

"I dunno."

"Well, I dunno either."

"God, just give me some guidance. I'm new to this whole gay thing," I sighed dramatically.

"Gay thing? Wait... what?" Finn gasped.

"....uhh... doesn't matter..." Crap. I wasn't ready to tell him. I get that that kiss was a bit of a giveaway, but I definitely was not ready to come out. A kiss could mean anything, right? Like just a friendly peck? Or a sign of appreciation?

"You sure? You know, you can tell me anything, Zak. I mean, you did save me from those bastards the other day..."

"I'm sure. Thanks, though."

"Anytime, but... uh.... I'm still wondering the same thing as you. What are we?"

"Nothing, I guess. Sure, we can be friends, but I can't commit to an exclusive relationship with you, Finn. You know I have Skai, plus if the team found out I was dating a guy, then they'd kick me off for sure. No one wants a fag on a footy team," I shrugged. I wasn't sure if I even fully liked Finn. Was he attractive? Yes. Did he leave a warm fuzzy feeling in my chest? Of course. But that didn't mean a relationship was there. That was just the effect of testosterone. I guess only time could tell if we could be anything more.

"...right. Um... I... uh... yeah, I gotta get back home. You don't mind heading off, do you?" He muttered.

"No! Not at all! Come one, grab my hand." He took to his feet amd cautiously wrapped his fingers around his own. The rain had died down a tad, which meant we could walk through it without looking like we'd just gone swimming in a lake. I directed Finley back to the car and into the passenger's seat.

I couldn't help but notice a rather tense atmosphere looming in the air. Whatever it was, I was sure it was nothing. It's not like I said or did anything to offend him anyways. I turned on the ignition and backed out the car park. I would definitely consider today a success, overall. And possibly the beginning of something rather interesting...

Monday. Ugh.

My alarm clock pounded into my brain, as I struggled to click the damn thing off. After eventually pressing the mute button, giggling could be heard from down the hallway, followed by several thumps and curses. I slid out of the sickeningly warm duvet and into my school uniform. The mirror at my bedside caught my attention and I took a quick once over of myself. I looked decent, apart from the sleep in my tearduct and strands of dark tousled hair falling wildly over my forehead. I ran a comb through it, adding a touch of wax, and then dug out the sleep. After a few minutes I was all sorted.

When I stepped out the bedroom, I saw Bobby running around completely naked, with an agitated Steph following closely behind. "Bobby, would you just do mummy a favour and get dressed! Please, sweetie!"

"Catch me, Mummy, catch me!"

"Ugh, Bobby! Get your bum over here now before I have to call your father and explain to him why you don't wanna put your goddamn clothes on!" She barked. I chuckled quietly, watching the scene unfold.

"Mummy! Noooo! Daddy will get mad at me!"

"Exactly! So go and put your clothes on now!" Steph hissed. Bobby pouted, before disappearing into the guest room where him and Steph were staying.

As Steph brushed past me to go after him, she clipped me on the ear, to which I yelped.

"Thanks for the help, bro," she huffed.

"No problem," I laughed.

I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and go to the bathroom, before heading downstairs for a quick breakfast. Dad had already gone to work, so it was just Mum humming quietly to herself, whilst cracking an egg into a pan.

"Mornin'," I greeted.

"Morning, honey. Are you sorted for school?"

"Yeah. Just about."

"Good. Homework done?"

"Didn't have any."

"You sure?" She eyed me up from over he shoulder.

"Yes!" I reassured.

"Okayyy," she chuckled. "You're dad's still pretty pissed at you for taking the car, ya' know."

"Yeah, I figured," I shrugged. He hadn't spoke to me since I got home on Saturday. I suppose I deserve it, though, it was kind of a dick-ish move.

"Just... don't do it again, okay? Your father's no fun when he's in a foul mood."

"Okay," I agreed.

"Promise?" She smiled.

"Promise."

School was a bit of a blur that day. No drama happened. No bitch fights or sex scandals. I sat with Brendon and Jacob at lunch. They were busy chatting away about the party and how fantastic Match of the Day was. I zoned out a bit, staring off into the distance. I caught sight of Skai chatting away with her friends, her red-stained lips spreading into an enormous grin when one of her 'friends' mouthed off about one of the guys she'd blown over the weekend.

I didn't notice myself staring at her, but not out of love, more out of interest. How could one be attracted to someone like her? Or let me specify, how could one be attracted to a girl? I know that a few months ago I would never have asked myself that, that I would just pass off my feelings as part of my 'awkward hormonal phase'. But now... everything was different. Now I know what it feels like to actually be attracted to someone. And I knew that that someone would have to be male, no matter how hard I tried to deny it.

I guess that's where Finn steps in. He's the only one I can ever relate to feeling some level of attraction with. And that kiss... wow. I didn't know it was possible to feel that happy. He made me feel like I was on Cloud-9, regardless of his gender or what people thought about me. I know now that I can confidently say to myself that I, Zakary Peters, am, in fact, the gayest motherfucker you will ever meet in your entire lifetime, but admitting that to other people is definitely something that won't be happening for quite some time. I'm not ready for people to know, but with my new-found self-acceptance, it somehow no longer feels as intimidating as it has felt in the past.

I am Zakary Peters, and I am gay.

And that is definitely okay with me.

Song : 'If They Only Knew' by Alfie Arcuri

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