Blue Eyes (bxb)

Forty Seven - Part One

The Final Chapter

I didn't plan for my car to become unresponsive when I tried to start the ignition. Nor did I plan for the heavens to open. Or my phone to run out of battery. It was my own fault - karma really was a bitch.

The street ahead was dark and foreboding, especially with the ghostly glimmer of the raindrops battering against the pavement. I looked back at the silhouette of the school building. The sound of the prom echoed through the open doors. Teenagers lined the entryway - some latching their lips on to others, some hiding from friends.

What was I doing?

Besides kicking the tyre of my more-than-unreliable vehicle, my thoughts were only driven by my desire to find Finley. Without a car, I'd catch pneumonia before ever seeing those beautiful blue eyes again, but was it worth the risk?

Of course.

Because that's what love is. Not falling ill from running in the rain without a coat, but doing it for the boy at the end of the race. To put yourself at risk, even if the chances of it ending well are slim-to-none, to be with your other half. Your other soul. Your lover, who may not even love you back. At least, not after you've broken their heart.

That's another thing about love that I realised - it fucking hurts. I loved Finn, so incredibly much, yet I'd done possibly irrepairable damage to our relationship. And what was the point? To maintain a social status? To convince myself that that wasn't it? That that wasn't my everything?

I loved Finn, and I had hurt him, and hurt myself, and loved him even harder. All I had to do was go after him, and I might just love him more, if that was ever possible. He might not want to see me, the thought flashed through my mind, but I decided that love really was worth the risk.

I put my heart on my soaking wet sleeve. Something I had never done before. All for a stupid boy with silvery-white hair, one-too-many ear piercings, a crinkly nose arch, ribs poking from his chest cavity, and no eye-sight. But I loved him, so I ran.

My feet thumped against the concrete; the clouds relentlessly throwing all they could down my shirt that was now close to transparent. I slid through puddles deeper than the height of my ankles, water unpleasantly pouring into my black leather brogues. I didn't notice the squelch of the soles, though, or the prickling of the goosebumps along my forearms. However, I did notice that my hair clung nastily to my face, dancing in front of my eyes and forcing me to run a hand through it to push it back. I really needed a hair-cut.

But that would have to wait. I followed my feet down the road, through the park where Finn and I first shared a kiss, past the tattoo parlour where he'd convinced me to get a needle shoved through my nose. I ran passed Skai's house, which was illuminated from no-doubt her parents watching television from the living room. A feeling bubbled in my chest - bordering guilt and relief. I was grateful for Skai being so understanding, but I still couldn't ignore my own flaws. Why did I carry on dating her for so long after realising I was gay? It was nothing short of cruel, especially after convincing myself Skai was a horrible person, when, in reality, she couldn't have been lovelier. I had used her for her body, that was the truth of it. I was a monster.

Perhaps I still was, running after the boy who had finally seen through my tricks. But the rain was like a kiss from Heaven, because I saw through the cracks in my own skin and the faltering only possessed by insecurity. Now, I was certain. I was the Zakary David Peters who sometimes got scared by his own shadow. The Zakary David Peters who just wanted to be accepted by everyone, how ever impossible that may be. The Zakary David Peters who cried himself to sleep some nights. Who ate, and dreamt, and loved, like everyone else. The Zakary David Peters who was head-over-heels in love with a boy who had never seen him before, yet seen him clearer than anyone.

With such newfound clarity, all I had to do was complete the puzzle with the final piece - my first love. I didn't know if Finn would accept my apology, never mind take me back. But it was worth the chance. If I didn't run after him in the rain, I'd spend the rest of my life asking, what if? I could be settled with a nice, sturdy husband and scampering feet running between my legs and think to myself, what if I had chased my love in the night? Would he be the one who I cooked dinner for as the clock read six p.m.? Would he be the one who's shoes I'd be tripping over by the front door of the home we shared? Would I be helping him shower everyday, using the fact that he couldn't tell which bottle was for the shampoo as an excuse, because it never moved - we just wanted to spend those extra minutes together on a morning before we had to work? And would he be the one who I laid beside in my grave, when our hearts stopped beating?

I would never know unless I ran. So I did.

Until I stopped outside his house.

What was I doing?

This was a stupid thing to do, but no more stupid than expecting a kiss as soon as I announced my arrival. Nevertheless, I stumbled up the path leading to his front door. The house seemed quiet, considering it hadn't even gone ten o'clock.

I took one shaky breath, and knocked, failing to notice the blueness of my hands. His mother answered the door with blonde hair knotted into a bun high on her scalp. She saw how drenched I was and heard me struggling for breath, before asking, "What are you doing here, Zak?"

What was I doing there?

Oh, yeah.

"I need to talk to Finn." She eyed me, sceptically. The creases in her forehead deepened, whilst the corners of her lips fell.

"He isn't here, and, even if he was, I doubt he'd want to talk to you." She was about to close the door, but I jammed my foot in the narrowing gap.

"Please, I'm sorry, I just... I need to clear this whole thing up."

"You hurt him, Zak, in a way I've never seen before. I know you too had a very special relationship, but it would be cruel to put him through it all over again. Go home and get dried up," she sighed, sounding bored, almost.

"Mrs. Renolds, I made the biggest mistake ever and I just want to tell him I'm sorry." That was a slight upholding of the truth, but I doubt she would have listened if I told her I planned to get him back. Nevertheless, she ran a frail hand across her face and let out a puff of air.

"Zak, how can I trust you?"

"You can't, because all I do is mess everything up. I even messed up my first real relationship with the only person I've ever loved. And he doesn't even know I love him. Please, please, just tell me where he is so I can apologise and tell him. Please, just let him decide whether or not he should trust me enough to let me back into his heart."

Ding, ding, ding, that hit the spot. Her infamous smile returned, though her eyes were still sad and somewhat conflicted, as if she was fighting an internal battle. "Zak, Finn has barely slept since you two broke up. He doesn't eat, only leaves his room when he has to. The only reason he's out now is because Georgie, bless her heart, wouldn't let him mope about anymore. I don't ever want to see him like this again - so go to Georgie's house."

Hearing those words made me forget about all my doubts from moments before, a smile spreading wide on my quivering lips. "Thank you, thank you so much!" I spun on my heels and picked up my sprint back up the road to my cousin's house where I would confess my love to someone for real for the first time. I just had to pray he'd listen.

Song: 'Hurricane' by Halsey (stripped)

A/N: I had to split the ending into two parts, otherwise it would be really hecking long. The next part will be up soon <3