Hitman vs Mafia ~Mafia!Jimin X Hitman!Reader~

Chapter 56 - How It Gets Worse

Every day that I woke up, I had a strong urge to check Korean news. I wanted to see how my past family was doing, even if only one was in the spotlight. I could also check and see how Chae's business crumbled after his death, but I didn't do either. I'd refused to buy a computer or phone, as I had no doubt they'd be able to track it. Instead, I laid in bed and imagined headlines. That, or I fell back asleep. Waking hours and sleeping ones combined most of the time.

I couldn't just go back to sleep, though. I'd run out of food a couple days ago and my body was beginning to feel it. My stomach was throwing a tantrum and exhaustion pulled harder than usual. My body drags itself out of bed as I wonder how I can spend the least amount of money while getting food that just sustains me. A sweatshirt and jeans would have to do since I hadn't done laundry for three weeks. I look outside the window and check if it's windy; it is, so I slip on a beanie. I take my keys and shove a wad of cash into my pocket before stepping outside. It was decently warm, but the breeze made it just cold enough. I hadn't gotten a haircut since I left, and some strands got into my eyes. I brush them out of the way and reposition the beanie, but I was not about to change the length.

The grocery store was full of people, like usual. I heard some American accents mixed in with the typical French. I walk over to the fruit section and throw some into my basket. I didn't pay a great amount of attention to what I grabbed, I just made sure it was multiple. Vegetables came next, the same story. I also took some snack foods, whatever was salty or sweet enough to satisfy when I actually wanted to eat. The moments were rare, but they did come. I brush past a guy about my height, his hat covering most of his face. My heart pounded for just long enough that I looked back. His eyes met mine, brown lighting up. His tan skin was clear and perfect.

The American boy looked like a teenager.

I immediately walked away then, acting as if I hadn't stopped. My heart had slammed into my ribcage, yet I couldn't tell if it was excitement or fear. Did I want to see him again? Would it be better if I never did? I know the answer. I do. That doesn't mean I get to pursue it.

Nope. The only thing I get to pursue is buying a head of lettuce.

I start scanning my snack foods first, then I started to input the produce codes. I'd just finished doing one of the fruits when the machine got mad. It said to put my item back onto the weight scale, but I hadn't even taken it off. I go to replace it, and it stops me, calling for an attendant. I sigh heavily. Of course. Let's add another tiring conversation to today. What's next? I get rained on while walking home?

"What's the problem?" the young attendant asks, her voice soft as the English came out. She takes out her card and scans it. "Machine being stubborn?"

I nod, putting my hands into my pockets as I wait.

"Alright, that should do it. Be careful when weighing your stuff. You have to make sure that the stuff is on the weight scale before you choose it."

I nod again before removing the fruit.

"You don't talk much, do you?"

I look up at her. "Do I have a reason to?"

She looked mildly surprised. "It's healthy, I guess."

"That's why." I scan a group of vegetables. "I'm not trying to be healthy anymore."

The girl was so surprised that she didn't say anything even as I left. The bags were mildly heavy as I stepped outside. They wouldn't have given me grief a while back, but times had changed. I'm not that fierce warrior anymore. I'm just a shell of what I used to be, inside and out. I wasn't fast, sarcasm didn't flow, I didn't laugh, I barely thought, I just… existed, like a ghost drifting from room to room. I never left any traces behind. A mere shift was all that I managed, but that too would be looked over. I had no scent, barely any whispers, and was hardly seen. Even out in public, people would bump into me because they didn't see me. I'm a spirit with no influence or anger tethering them to this world. I was simply here for unfinished business that had long been resolved.

It started to rain. I almost stopped walking out of spite for the entire fucking universe, but my feet said no. I kept thoughts of how could this get worse from coming up because, apparently, they were coming true. They came anyway, and there was only one thing that could make this worse. I refused to picture it, but the image came anyway. I turn to the nearest wall and slam my fist into it. The pain snapped my senses back to the present. The cold rain was soaking through my clothes, carving deep to the bone. Blood was flowing to my hand where cuts had been made. People were looking, I could feel their eyes, but I didn't focus on them. I couldn't focus on anything beyond the burn in my knuckles and the cold in my soul. It wasn't worse than the hole that still lay in my heart. Nothing was worse than that ache, but this did come pretty damn close.

I straighten up and look at the blood running down my knuckles. Rain combined with it and turned red. I shake my hand off and start walking back to my apartment. I still felt eyes on me, but I shook it off. It was a bit of a sight to see someone punch the wall. I'd stare too, if I gave more fucks than negative four.

When I finally got inside, the heat did nothing to stop the chill. It had settled deep inside my body, icing over what wasn't the dark pit. I go to my bedroom and chuck the clothes onto the shower. They haphazardly hung on, water dripping down. I used my towel to take some of the water out of my hair and to dry my body off. Then I got dressed in an old turtleneck and shorts from before all this time had passed. I go out to my living room, head to the kitchen, and start putting away my groceries. They were wet, but I didn't bother drying them off. They'd dry anyway. Once I'd finished that, I sat on my couch. The rain was still going strong, hammering onto the window. I could still feel the icy bite it had, even now that I was inside. My body trembled as it tried to warm, but I did nothing to help. I didn't move, I didn't grab a blanket, I just sat there.

The floor creaked.

There was nothing strange about that, but it was different. I knew they were footsteps because of how they fell. I even knew who it was, just from the soft pads of his steps. Even after all this time, I still knew him well. The worst had truly come to pass.

I sigh, bitterly smiling.

"Hi, Jimin."