Hitman vs Mafia ~Mafia!Jimin X Hitman!Reader~

Chapter 52 - Memories in My Body

"Are you kidding me?!" Namjoon throws a stack of papers. "How could you make that decision?!"

"What other choice did I have?" I reply, my voice tight. "Hmm? Should I have said we'll send you? Someone else? Who else could go in there and get out?"

"We're a team, (Y/N)!" He grabs at his hair. "We do this together!"

"You didn't hear what I heard," I spit. "You didn't hear his screams of agony. You didn't hear how soft his voice was when he realized I was on the phone." I clutch my shirt. "I don't even know how to express how... how broken he sounded."

"Jimin is probably getting hurt this very moment," he seethes, and I flinch. "And we have to live with that. That doesn't mean you get to be reckless and sacrifice yourself! We can't save two people at once!"

This shouting wasn't helping. All I could think about was the fact that Jimin was getting tortured at every waking moment. The only sound that remained in my head wasn't Namjoon's angry words, it was Jimin's scream. It was my body's need to get him out. Damn what happens to me.

"No, we can't." I step closer to him. "But we can't just stand by and make a plan! It's been two days! We have to act now or he could die!"

"I know that," Namjoon sighs. "Fuck, if I don't know that."

Jin enters the room, water in both his hands. He looked solemn and serious. "We need to come up with a plan. There's no sense in arguing anymore."

Namjoon sighs again before he starts to clean up the papers. "(Y/N) made one. He/She goes in alone to see Jimin. If he's safe, the rest of us start moving. We're going to sneak in and raise hell. (Y/N) will save Jimin and we'll kill Chae. This opportunity won't come often." He stands up and sets the paper on his desk. "(Y/N). You have to secure your position with Chae."

I nod, but my ears still ring. My ears still play the screams through the phone, the unrestrained hurt in them.

Jin rests a hand on my shoulder. "Please lie down. We need you in full capacity if you're going to go in. You need to emotionally prepare yourself for whatever you might see."

I tremble at the idea. What would I see? What story would I read from the marks on his skin? From the look in his eyes? From the shape of his lips?

"(Y/N), please." Jin tugs a little. "Please try and rest."

"How can I?"

Jin pulls, moving my feet. "You realize that we're going to get him back. You can heal him. We're going to survive this, and we're going to win."

Winning...

It seemed like a distant fantasy. In fact, everything before now was a fantasy. It was just me dreaming up hope where it had died. I got them into this mess. If I'd never shown up, joined their family, this wouldn't be happening.

"We'll get him back because we have to." His grip tightens. "So rest."

I hesitate, but still nod and let him guide me to my room.

~~~~~

I did sleep, but it wasn't beneficial. My dreams were full of Jimin's face twisted in suffering, Chae laughing behind him. His screams echoed in my ears, and I could see his tears falling. His eyes begged to save him, to hurry, for he wouldn't last much longer.

When my own eyes opened, they burned. Tears stained the vanilla scented pillow.

I sit up, my body feeling heavy but stronger. The clock read four. My gaze slides over to the marks on the headboard. There were two long lines, carved deep. I take the knife from the nightstand and carve a half line. Two and a half days apart, and I felt like I was dying. What would happen in the future if we needed to be separate for longer? Would I be fine, knowing he was safe? Would I be constantly worried because he might not be?

I rest my face in my hand, the other still gripping the knife. In the dark, I could picture blood dripping off it. I could see the souls of my victims resting in the metal, taunting me. They said this was my fault. Karma had come back with a vengeance. Jimin was being tortured to punish me. They laughed. Women and men delighted at my suffering.

I set the knife down to ignore them. They were probably right. This was karma enacting my dues. I'd hurt so many people without any repercussions. Now, it was my turn.

I stand up and go over to Jimin's dresser. I take out one of his turtlenecks and change into it. It still held his scent, though faintly. His presence was fading fast from the room. The bracelet on my wrist seems to shift in response, reminding me he was still there. Even if the room no longer held his memory, the bracelet would never forget. I start tracing my thumb over the threads as I keep looking for little pieces of him. The blanket he used when he slept on the inflatable mattress was bunched up and tucked into his nightstand. His suits were neatly folded in the closet, carefully placed one atop the other. His old brass knuckles were inside a drawer, along with other weapons. I pick up a knife, the grip slightly indented from where his hand used to shape around it. Even the way he held the knife was suited to him, the tip having pointed at his elbow. I set the knife down and move to my closet. Inside, clothes were hung up and some were folded. I take a sleeve and smell it. Vanilla lay in it, reminding me of Jimin's soft voice as he talked about his mom. I go over to my nightstand and pick up the small vial. I look to the bathroom before sighing.

A shower would be good before I do all of this.

The water started cold as it ran over my back. It barely triggered any response from my skin, though. I'd been cold since he was taken. It had been two days, not even reaching three, but it felt like an eternity. All those years of torture and suffering at Chae's hands were nothing compared to this. All the scars, evidence of the pain, meant nothing. All the trauma that still crept up meant nothing. It all was a shadow compared to this looming figure. My screams were silent compared to Jimin's. The whip cracking felt dull compared to the fire across Jimin's back. The soft cold of the water against my back was fine. As it warmed, it still felt cold. The nerves of my skin just lashed out against everything. The soap gliding over my body burned. The shampoo cleaning my hair was sharp. It was wrong, everything was wrong.

Everything would be wrong until I got him back.