Basorexia ϟ hoodings

➣ thirty seven

l u k e

i cried silently to myself, already feeling stupid for what i said. if i hadn't of said anything from the very start, calum and i wouldn't have been in this fight, and i wouldn't be feeling so shit.

yes, i did see what happened on twitter, and yes, at first i didn't agree with any of it, but as i scrolled down the tweets about us being a couple, i realised that mainly the whole fandom (probably about 99% of it) wouldn't actually mind.

to be honest, i originally thought mainly everyone would hate us, and stop listening to our music and buying our stuff if one of us were to date another boy.

however, sadly for those who wish for cal and i to date, it's not going to happen anytime soon.

i am certain i'm falling for laura more and more each day. my parents will be so proud when i finally propose, though i ain't doing that anytime soon either.

i hated how i felt so loved when i read through those comments though. about how calum would secretly describe me in interviews, and how we'd always somehow interact a little (too?) sexually, causing all of the fangirls go crazy.

i am truly happy that they're so in love with our ship, and so happy and proud to ship us together, but i hate to rain on their parade when i speak about laura.

but, i did listen closely enough to calum massive hurtful speech, to pick up that he did have feelings for me this whole time.

i felt so loved when he said that, but as soon as he said that he hated me, caused me to feel weak an wobbly in the knees.

though what struck me, was that it was a sad and upsetting feel in my knees, not a humiliated and embarrassed or disgusted feeling.

yes, i would be really sad about that too, even if i felt the other way about the while situation, but this sad wasn't just sad! it was like...

i can't even explain it, and i don't want too, because i do not feel that way about calum.

every time the day consists of me thinking about calum, and every time i end up confused about my feelings for him.

i know i can't like calum, i can't like a boy, but i just feel like...maybe a like fancy.

but i know calum doesn't like me anymore, so obviously we would never be a couple anyway.

but thanks to me. it's all my fault we can't ever be a couple because i was the one to ruin everything. i was the one that too blind to realise that i say shit about him to his face, and too oblivious to acknowledge his crush on me.

even the cake shippers noticed this - not just the cake shippers, buy mainly everyone in the fandom.

that must make me look so bad, oh my god.

+

a.n

little update for you losers bc i love you all <33

so what happened to my cute little fishy...

so his name was squeak and he was an uncoloured goldfish. (that means he was a black fish, but he actually ended up turning silver.)

we had him for about 4 months before he died :-(

it was my birthday on saturday (december the 13th) and im pretty sure he was still in his tank on sat so it was def early sunday.

we woke up and mum called me into the room where the fish are, and asked me where squeak was, since she couldn't find him. i looked for him myself, and i couldn't find him either

that was until my mum slapped her hand over her mouth and whimpered a weak "deany, he's on the floor."

i looked down on the floor and yep. there squeak was underneath the table where the tank lays.

apparently fish jump out of the water (but it's rare.) and he obviously fell out and flapped around to get under the table.

he suffocated guys :'-(

i cried for a long time and all i wanted to do was go to bed and sleep tbfh

i know he was just a fish but i loved him awe

p.s we got a new one today and i wanna call him squeak but my mum wants to call him rocket bc he's fast but then we wont have bubble and squeak so idk halp

•AND DONT WORRY LOSERS THIS STORY WONT BE TAKEN TO THE EXTREME•

-deany xoxo