Basorexia ϟ hoodings

➣ thirty six

i dyed my hair red yesterday. i wanted it to be a dark red but the colour i got was the closest to my liking so that colour is called "strawberry kiss" its nice i really love it <33

dedication: @miss_lovatic

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c a l u m

“luke, the fans make up random shit all the time! i don’t understand why you’d say that!”

“because i can’t get it through my head!” he shouted, annoyed at me for “not understanding” the situation.

“get what through your fucked up head? that i actually love you?” i shout back, already spitting venom at luke who seemed fragile at the moment.

“yes! because i feel like this is the first time someone has truly loved me for who i am! not for the fame; not for the money; not for the sex – that probably would never come, but i don’t know!”

“well guess what?” i yell, ready to storm off, “no one will love you! no one, because you are a complete and utter dick with no respect for people around you! i don’t care what you do anymore. i used to always be there whenever the consequence, but you threw me away like some scrap paper that will never be used! i did genuinely have feelings for you, but hey! i don’t anymore, because now i genuinely hate you!”

luke being shocked was an understatement, however i was shocked also to my hurtful outburst. i didn’t mean to say that stuff to luke – i still liked him; i don’t hate him at all – i don’t think i ever could, to be honest.

tears welled up in lukes eyes, as he clearly tried to fight against them. i really regret everything. why’d i say that? i was so absorbed in the conversation, that sometimes i say stuff i really don’t mean – wait...that’s what happens to luke...

fuck.

=

i was lying in bed (with no luke in the other one making cute little snoring noises) when ashton came walking through the door without any permission.

“i heard you and luke screaming to each other before. luke’s pretty shaken up by it – he’s crying and crying. want to talk about it?”

“no, go away.” i reply bluntly. i’m really not in the mood for talking about what just happened. i’d probably start crying in the middle of my story.

“well the real reason to why i came to visit you is because someone dropped off this letter to you – i didn’t read it; don’t worry.”

i nod my head, reaching my hand out to grab the letter from ashton.

he leaves me alone again in the room for me to read the letter by myself.

i unfold it, my eyes scanning over the long letter – a full page of words scribbled down. i did look down to the very bottom of the page to see who wrote this letter – it ended up being from alex.

       dearest calum,

you make me wonder so much about you – so much i’d love to learn all about you. i really want to see you again soon, calum. apparently, i fantasise about you a lot, according to my roommate. i guess that is true, since i am writing a letter to you. you may call it whatever you would like – a love letter if you do so. i’m so awfully sorry for making those rude and uncomfortable comments about you in bed. i couldn’t help it – you just looked so irresistibly stunning that i had to make those silly comments, i do apologise, and i’d be so grateful and lucky if you accepted my apology. you do everything right, and that’s one thing i have noticed and do admire about you. however, i’ve seen the tweets and the mentions about you and luke, so i solemnly recommend you staying away from him and avoiding him at all costs. i’d hate to be stuck in the situation where you’ll have to answer all the questions in interviews about you and luke, making you feel uncomfortable. i’m certain that luke boy is bad news. anyway, good night calum (and do be expecting more of these.)

        with love,
        alex xoxo

i cringed at the letter slightly, not accepting the part where he mentioned staying away from luke. i don’t think i could; it’s almost impossible. although there was one moment where he was correct – the uncomfortableness when answering those annoying questions about dating. plus, management will probably do something about it anyway – most likely giving one of us a beard.  

i threw the letter to the side and rolled over to my side. what annoyed me was that moments before i checked twitter, luke was like; “why me, why me? why did choose me to have feelings for, not michael or ashton!” he didn’t necessarily say that, but it was like it.

anyway, before he was basically complaining and whining about how he thought i loved him, then after i read the twitter comments and mentions, he started saying that he feels like it’s the first time he’s really felt love, or something on the lines of that.

he’s so fucking confusing, it annoys the hell out of me.

ashton soon returned into the room with michael, weakly smiling at me.

why?

“what?” i ask, my voice all muffled due to the blankets. I just wanted to be alone. my feelings are annoying me, luke is annoying me, so is alex. why can’t i have a break?

“we just came in to check on you, that’s all.” ashton said, sitting down on the end of my bed.

“oh, and to tell you that we’re going home in a week.” added michael. i nodded, really not that interested that we’re going home.

actually, i shouldn’t say that, since i’m really hanging on to see my beloved family, but seeing luke and laura together is painful.

“okay,” i said, “you can leave now.”

“that’s what luke said.” ashton mumbled, clearly annoyed that i obviously didn’t want to talk right now, and hearing what ashton just said, luke didn’t want to talk either.

is it really that hard just to leave the two sad boys alone? it’s better than company right now. sure, i’d choose company over being alone anytime! but in these types of situations, no. nope, leave the fuck out of my room and never return – until i say so, obviously, because like...that would mean i never get company in my room, and what if i can only play music in my room and i want a friend in there? they can’t come in – what if i want to have sex in my room; they can’t come in, and we definitely wouldn’t want to have sex on the couch. i guess i could always do that stuff in the other persons room, but we should def change it up a bit.

plus, the sheets would always be sticky, meaning we’d have to change it all the time, and soon enough we’ll run out of sheets, causing us no blankets or sheets for that room.

that would suck and be extremely unfortunate.  

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hi losers

i feel like i’m asking too much of you for 100 votes, and definitely 100+ so i’m going to stop with the votes and just update as quickly as i can

note: when this story reaches 40 chapters i’m going to FINALLY publish the sequel to afraid. it’s been so long, sorry for keeping you guys waiting

-deany ツ