Basorexia ϟ hoodings

➣ fifty nine

WHAT THE FUCK BRO I USED TO BE SO COOL NOW EVERYONE HATES ME BC I HAVENT UPDATED IN AGES IM SORRY PLS FORGIVE ME

//

C a l u m

I know I shouldn't be having these feelings towards Luke again, because I remember the last time I liked him everything turned to shit.

I turn everything to shit so it's basically my fault, laughing my ass off.

I just said 'lmao' out loud I'm such an idiot.

I rolled over in bed, thinking about living with Luke. After the band is over, Luke and I living with a child and a dog and a cat, living happily.

Forgetting about all this drama that's going on.

//

"Hey Luke, I need to confess something." I say quietly over the phone.

"What is it?" He questions, a hint of curiousness in his tone.

"It's better if I tell you in person. Come to mine?" I ask.

"Sure! See you soon." He hangs up. I throw my phone onto my bed and pace around my room.

The whole year had started off being as best friends with me having a stupid crush on Luke, then being friends with benefits and my feelings towards him growing, until he turned into a complete ass and I hated him, and he somehow developed some kind of feelings for me, and now I'm in love with him again.

I can't seem to keep up with my feelings.

I also feel like the fans hate me. (me rn)

I was so caught up in my thoughts, I didn't hear the knocks at the door. Luke burst into my room, looking annoyed.

"You couldn't even open the bloody door?" He shouts, chuckling at the end. We have some weird relationship. Like, we're not friends, but we're not enemies either.

"This is really important , and I feel like I need to get this off my chest before I explode." I say sitting down.

"Okay...I should probably sit down because I feel like this will take forever." Luke laughs, walking over to me and sitting down next to me.

"Alright, I'm just going to say everything! I don't care if it affects me in the end or you, but..." I stop myself. Should I really just vent to Luke about everything?

"You can keep going."

"I'm in love with you!" I shout, looking down embarrassed.

"You're what?"

"I'm in love with you, and I know it's so wrong, knowing how much we've gone through and how much hatred we've had towards each other but I want to stop fighting! Fighting is stupid and there's no reason too anymore. can't we just pass this stupid stage and move on? I've always loved you, and I honestly don't think I've ever stopped. I've loved you since you started dating Bitch, since you made up that stupid rule where no one falls for each other in the band, since friends with benefits! I love you, Luke! I want you to love me back, and I know it's in you somewhere. We're meant to be!" I ramble on. I didn't realise Luke was staring at his lap, not saying a word or moving a muscle.

"Please say something!" I beg, tears streaming down my face, "I had sex with you because I was in love with you and I wanted to make you feel the same way! And I was willing to help you because I cared about you so much!"

"Calum, is this some kind of sick joke?" Luke questions, speaking up for the first time since I started rambling.

"No! I would never make such a disgusting joke like this! I know I've been an ass lately, but that's just a cover up because I didn't want to believe I still loved you!" I exaggerate.

Luke looks at me, tears brimming in his eyes. He chews on his lip ring as he seemed to be in deep thought.

"Why were you so afraid to tell me you loved me, then?" Luke asked.

"It's not that I'm afraid to tell you 'I love you', it's that I'm afraid you won't say it back." I sigh, falling back onto my bed.

"Oh."

"I could tell you many times that I love you. The part i'm most afraid of is that you will never say it back, and I can't deal with that, in other words."

"I see." Luke states.

What was he trying to say? I didn't understand.

"What are you saying, Luke?"

"I always knew I had a thing for you." He points out. I was so shocked he'd ever say something like that anymore.

"Really?"

"Yes. Even when we were fighting, I still couldn't stop thinking about you. I knew I shouldn't be feeling that way but I did. I thought it was wrong so I never showed I cared." Luke licks his lips, lying down next to me.

"So, do you love me back?"

"I don't know if I could say that...but I do like you back." Luke smiles, looking at me. My mouth curved into a massive smile, my eyes sparkling with happiness.

"Will you be my boyfriend then?!" I shout, rolling on top of him.

"Wait!" Luke laughs, pecking my nose, "you're so quick on things. I'm still in that relationship with Laura remember?"

"Bitch." I correct, smirking. That'll never die.

"Fine, I need to break up with Bitch, first. I'll call you tomorrow." Luke says, kissing me passionately on the lips, like what I did to him yesterday.

I smile into the kiss, pressing my lips onto his forcefully.

+

Losers how are we

This is coming to and end! I'm sorry that I'm the worse author in the world. I really wish I was better at updating. I guess this was going on forever and that I was growing up and changing too.

I miss this, though tbh I wish I could rewind to the time just before I stopped updating for like 6 months and continue updating regularly.

You all probably dislike me or possibly hate me for never updating and knowing what's happening next, but I love you all.

You guys make me smile so much. I replied to this lovely girl and she freaked that replied back to her, so it really does make my heart warm when yous get so happy when I reply to you. I never thought that people would freak out over me replying and talking to them ever in a million years!!! It's so amazing how much of an impact some people can be on other humans and I really respect all of you so much.

These chapters don't really have much reads or comments and votes anymore, it's probably bc ppl don't realise it's updated bc they've waited so long or something, or just given up, but please, do not give up on me, and I won't give up on you.

- deany xx