Basorexia ϟ hoodings

➣ fifty six

c a l u m

shit, shit, shit, shit!

what have i done?

i can't seem to be nice to luke can i? i always like to be rude and make it look like its all lukes fault.

speaking of the devil, he glanced at me, but then looked away quickly. he walked right past me to grab a bottle of water, then walked back to his bunk without any second looks.

i feel so, so bad. i made a fool of him on stage, and he probably feels so embarrassed and upset. i really should talk to him about it.

i breathe in, and out slowly, before heading over to his bunk where he was lying on his back, scrolling down his phone.

"hey, um, luke?" i said quietly, "can i please talk to you? like outside so its private?"

he just stared at me, didn't say anything, however still stood up and walked out.

i followed closely behind, looking around for any people. we were inside this underground carpark for something, i actually have no idea why we're here, but whats the point of complaining.

"what?" luke said sternly.

"to break it down quickly and clearly; im sorry." i said. he continued to stare at me, saying and doing nothing.

"well? is that all? okay then." he said attempting to walk away, but i grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"listen, i haven't been like best friend that i'm supposed to be, but there's so much pressure on my shoulders that i'm  just grumpy all the time. i'm loosing sleep too and i'm just not being me." i explain, but that wasn't enough.

"pressure? what pressure!?" luke raises his voice.

"like, trying to do well, keeping up with twitter and everything like that. being away from my family ad feeling homesick."

"if you're homesick, GO HOME!" luke shouts. since we were underground, it echoed through the whole platform.

"what?"

"you have no idea what "pressure" is!" he shouts louder, "i found out that my girlfriend is pregnant with my brothers baby just when i was about to break up with her, i'm getting thrown under the bus by you, and the fans don't seem too happy with me since i'm not tweeting as often! i have no idea what to do with my life right now, and you're saying you're under pressure because you're loosing sleep and not playing as well! that's fucking bullshit!!"

with that, he storms off back to the bus and slams the door closed.

well that went to plan here.

//

apparently going outside wasn't as private as i thought it was...someone recorded the whole fight luke and i had and posted it everywhere - legit. it's all over twitter, tumblr, facebook, instagram. everywhere.

now theres a twitter trend called #cakefights and others like:
#cakestopfighting
#weloveyouluke
#5sosstopfighting
#whatshappeningtocakesfriendship
#cake4ever

it's a little bit hectic.

However, there's others not so happy.

#keepfightinglosers5sos
#lukesraging
#calumkys
#lukecommitsuicide

And others which I'm not going to get into. I'm not surprised though, because I knew that when we signed up to be a band, there would be those haters who just can't help themselves. I've learnt to ignore it, but I'm not sure if Luke has. I hope he doesn't feel any pain from this, but I swear if I see anything they say about Luke I'll find them.

Looking back on this whole year, it's really been strange. Luke and I were crazy. We were having fun, I was an idiot. We then decided we needed sex. We become sex buddies. It was all good until it came crashing down. I still don't understand the reason why. Luke hated me. I loved him. He liked me. I hated him. Everything was so uncalled for, and we didn't need it. The drama was unreal.

To be honest, I miss sex. I crave it more than ever now. I can say, I must be a sex addict, but I have no one to ease the craving on. The only person who seemed to make it better was Luke. I just need him to agree with me to start doing it again. But seeing the way Luke hates me right now, I don't think it would work.

That doesn't mean I'm not going to try though. It's better to wait a day, let Luke cool down, then I'll ask him if he wants to take the deal back. No strings attached, no emotions, no kissing like he originally said. Just plain up sex.

I'm sure he misses it too.

//

"Hey Luke!" I said cheerfully as he walked into the lounge area of the tour bus.

"Um, hi?" He replied, confused.

"I wanted to talk to you, and it's not about everything that happened yesterday. Can we forget about that? It was humiliating. But please, can I speak to you?"

"Fine. Sure, come over here." He sighed after a long pause of silence. It looked like he was on the verge of saying "no, go away" but thank god he changed his mind.

"Right, I wanted to speak to you about our old habits - and! Before you say anything, I miss it, and no I'm not forcing you into doing this, and the rules can stay the same as they always were. Oh! You don't even have to talk to me because I know you'd avoid that." I say straight up.

"First we're fighting, now you want to have sex with me again! Just for pleasure and just because you miss it!? Fucken go find another toy, you ass!" Luke shakes his head in shame.

"No! Please Luke. You were great. You made me feel so good, I loved it. I loved you. But I promise, this time no emotions for each other." I tried again to persuade him.

He seemed to be in deep thought.

"I know you miss-"

"No you fucking don't! You don't know if I miss anything!"

"Admit it Luke, you miss it."

"I don't." He shouts.

"You do."

"FINE! I fucking do and it's annoying me and I need something like, right now! But I swear I'm still fucking mad at you like hell." Luke gives in, accepting my offer again.

Yes! I thought in my mind. I need this. He needs this. We'll be happy. I know Luke is still mad at me, but easing him into this will slowly make him like me again. Maybe he'll grow feelings for me. We might date. Maybe.

"Awesome!" I smirk, as we run off to the bunks.

"Hurry up!" He rushed as I climbed on top of him.

+

GUYS omg I can't explain how sorry I am for not updating for like months!!!

I just needed a break.

A long one.

I know I'm so dog for this, but I'm hopefully back for a little while.

I just lost heaps of inspiration, I just didn't feel like writing anymore. My creativity just went down the drain and I didnt want to be an author anymore

I've got so many new ideas for new works so hopefully I'll be able to finish this story soon and work on new ones.

I love you so much!!

- deany xx