Andante

LIX

Oh, but this was hard! Even though Eddy had been prepared for the pain, it still took him by surprise just how painful it was. 
He tried to be quiet as he sobbed. His mum should never see this pathetic boy, sobbing into his pillow, shedding endless tears over another boy. 
A boy, who would be lying on his own bed now, instead of just there, just a metre away, so close that he could reach him by just getting up and walking two steps. So close that he could decide to walk those steps and then stay there, like he had last night. 
He pulled the duvet over his head as the rivulets of tears ran into the sheets. 
Would Brett be as bad as this? Was he missing Eddy as much as Eddy was missing him? 
Eddy hoped not. Yes, he wanted Brett to love him like he did Brett, but he didn't want him to hurt. He hoped that sleep was kinder on Brett. 
Oh, how he wished he could fall asleep. Unconsciousness would bring a reprieve of all this, plus it would make him less of a ghost tomorrow. He knew it must be at least 3 a.m. by now. 
He breathed deeply and forced his brain to start thinking about all the good stuff that had happened over the last few weeks.
Sitting in the plush red seats, their hands furtively touching for the first time. 
The way Brett had reacted when he'd had his wet dream; how absolutely lovely he had been, turning shame into acceptance.  
Todd, confiding in him, and in doing so, giving him the confidence to follow his heart and kiss Brett.
Kissing Brett... Oh my God, kissing Brett. 
All the kisses they had shared. All the hugs, all the times they had been close. An endless succession of happiness. He'd only allow himself to think of the happiness.
It wasn't like Brett had left him, after all. He was still there, he was still his friend. 
He kept his eyes firmly shut, until at last he sank into a deep, fitful sleep. 

When he woke up it was like a heavy blanket smothered his consciousness as he made his way over to his computer and turned it on. He needed to know how Brett was, and he needed to know now. But before he could even touch the mouse his cell phone rang. 
He knew it had to be Brett before he turned around to grab it. 
¨Hey bro, good morning.¨
It was a lame thing to say under the circumstances, but what else was he going to say? 
¨Hey Eddy.¨ Brett's soft voice came. ¨I... I can't call long, but...¨ 
The next words were so soft he could barely hear them, and he knew it was because Brett was scared of being overheard. ¨I just had to hear your voice.¨
¨I'm here, Bretty.¨
Brett carried on at a more normal volume. ¨How much homework do you have to do? Can we meet up this afternoon?¨
Eddy really didn't care how much homework he had, or if he had to lie to his mum to get out of the house. He needed to see Brett.
¨Not too much. Shall we do, like, two?¨
Two was okay. He'd just really, really focus on his work and then go. 
¨Okay. See you soon.¨
There were a thousand things he wanted to say. None of which he could, right now.
¨See you then.¨

As he put the phone back down he sighed deeply and steeled himself.
Come on, mate. You knew this was going to happen. Now, put your big boy pants on and fucking well get on with things.
Yeah. That's what he was going to do. He was going to have some food, like a normal person, and then he was going to do his work on the double. Like a normal person. 
And then... then he'd go see Brett.