Andante

XXIV

His eyes flew open in shock and he broke away, getting up from the bench, and he couldn't stop himself as he blurted out: ¨I can't do this! I'm in love with someone else!¨
She stared at him, wide eyed, as her face fell. They were quiet for a long moment, staring at each other. Eddy felt faint again. 
Then she whispered: ¨It's Brett, isn't it?¨
What?! He felt all the blood drain from his head, and for a moment he thought he really would faint.
¨What?!¨ he wispered now, his voice almost gone.
She nodded. ¨The way you talk about him... you're gay, aren't you?¨
He staggered back until he found the bench against his legs and let himself fall on it.
¨How...¨ he managed.
Lily put her hands on his thigh as she shook her head and breathed deeply. 
¨It's okay, Eddy. It's fine.¨
He shook his head reflexively.
¨Yes, it is. You were born this way, Eddy, and it's fine, no matter what your parents taught you.¨
He stared at her, wide eyed, not able to speak.
¨Eddy¨, Lily said, and when she spoke she sounded so serious, so grown up that he was amazed at her calmness.
¨Look, you've seen by now that I like you. But I also see now that you'll never like me like that. But you do like me as a friend, don't you?¨
He nodded automatically, and he knew it was true. He did like her a lot. He just really didn't want to kiss her. He started crying. He hated himself for crying, and in front of a girl no less, but he just couldn't help it.
Lily rubbed his back and held him close. It was nice.
¨I do like you, Lily¨, he whispered. ¨And I would like to be your friend.¨
And as he said the words to Lily they sank in for himself. He breathed in and opened his mouth to speak. The weight of the moment fell on him like a blanket. This was something he could never take back. But he had to say it. 
¨I think you're right, Lily, I think I'm... I'm gay...¨
He buried his face in his hands, sobbing, but Lily put her hands on his, and moved him so he'd look at her.
¨Eddy, there is nothing wrong with that.¨
¨Tell my mother that, huh?¨ he retorted, his tone sharper than he intended.
Lily laughed joylessly. ¨Yeah. I get that. I'm sorry it's like that.¨
¨I can't ever tell her. At least not until I'm ready to move out, Lily.¨
She nodded. ¨Yeah. But at least you can tell yourself.¨
He sat in silence for a moment, but he knew what he had to say. The tears still streaked his cheeks. 
¨I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for doing this to you, I should have known it wasn't going to work.¨
Lily nodded again. ¨It's okay. I understand. And at least you'll have me as an ally, okay?¨
Her words were like a balm, soothing him.
Wow. He'd no longer be all alone in this. He had someone to talk to.
¨Thank you, Lily, you'll never know how much that means.¨ he said softly.
He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight. It was good to have a new friend.
A friend that accepted him. He'd somehow never thought that might be possible.

¨I came and watched you, you know.¨ Lily said softly. 
¨What, at the busking?¨ he asked, amazed. He realised straight away that she must have been the familiar face he thought he'd seen. 
¨Yeah. I... I kinda thought it might be like this.¨
He didn't say anything for a moment, he just held her close. 
¨I'm sorry Lily, that I can't be normal, that I can't just like you back.¨
¨It's okay. As long as I get to be your friend, Eddy.¨
He nodded. ¨I want that too.¨
¨You do need to talk to him. You know that, right?¨
He nodded again. Yeah. He did know that. But what he would say... of that he had no idea. 
She answered his unspoken question for him. 
¨Just tell him the truth, Eddy. He'll understand. And then you can work it out together.¨