Shatter

Chapter 48

This chapter is gonna be loooong I think, uh, because, it couldn't be helped. It's important. And no, it is not the ending. Just wanna tell you that in advance so you can relax. ....ha. relax. suuuure...ok. well, here ya go.

______________

               "Thank you for picking up." Joan's voice is low and sad when she finally speaks after a minute of me just sitting, cross legged on the bed, waiting for her to tell me why she sent me a text asking me not to hang up or neglect her call this time.

               I'm glad she finally spoke. I didn't want to be the first one to say anything.

               "Raven I-I'm sorry. You're father told...I found out what happened. I'm sorry. Look, I wanted to tell you that I-"

               "Where are my parents?" My dull voice already sounds like it's losing patience talking to her, hearing her mention the intimacy with my dad, him telling her our family business, MY problems, and right now I just don't want to hear it.

               I didn't answer out of the kindness of my heart or for old time sakes. I answered because I need to know what's going on. My parents, more or less, just my mom have this plan all shiny and laid out for me that will one day turn into a walkway for me to get married to some person that isn't Chandler.

               I'm extremely mixed up with how I feel about him, on a less general scale, because in all, I love him. I love him, but he hurt me, and right now, I don't like him. If that's even possible. I guess it's just a simple, me pouting on a larger scale, because this is all mind blowing-ly real.

               It's more than just a pout.

               I know I can't stay here anymore, and even if my mom didn't forbid me, I don't think I'd get up the guts to come here a third time. That's it for me and England. There's nothing else to be said. I'll have to go and try to figure out what to do.

               By myself.

               Funny how, once before, I said I'd just keep coming back until I couldn't anymore. I still feel that way, but even if I'm forcing myself to stay away, whenever I think about the truth, him selling meth, weed, who knows what, I just don't like the image or idea. I don't like it all.

               "Your parents? They're not here right now. They couldn't stay in the same place if they wanted. You're mother checked into a hotel late last night after the 3 of us had a conversation."

               Ha. No doubt, it was about the affair and the divorce and how I fit into all of their lives. I won't help it. It's too easy. Unnecessary, but easy.

               "And where's my dad? With you?"

               Of course he was. The sharp intake of her breath and the slow sigh heaving from her chest tell me the last confirmation, and it leaves my brain to go through all the possibilities of what went on between them, both in conversation and other things.

               "I'm hanging up." I almost whisper.

               "Raven. Kiddo, please. Understand-"

               "No. Not today. I don't want to understand." I'm not in the mood to understand my own situation. She doesn't have the position anymore to hope that gesture from me for her situation either. "I'm going to pack my things. I don't want to see you, or my dad, and don't tell my mom."