Shatter

Chapter 23

               "Sorry. Excuse me." I almost whisper when I pass two random men on the street.

               I'm so dazed out I practically walked into one of their chests. It's not like it would have mattered either way. I've been circling the area around the park for a couple of minutes, and only now see the street leading towards Aunt Vera's old home.

               I want to go there now. I'd like to overlook everything that might have happened to it, that might be happening to it, as in other people may very well live there right now, but I just miss the memories that small little rundown place holds so much, that I'm almost tempted to go and see if it's empty or not.

               It stopped raining for the most part. I was going to go to the store somewhere and get a jacket or some sort of umbrella to use before I became completely soaked, but it was pointless because as usual, I didn't have my wallet.

               I had it in my coat and like an idiot, left it back at the apartment while I ran out to stay in my tank and short skirt with boots.

               My hair looks ratty too. Drenched, clumped, tangled, frizzy in some areas...just the type of affect you'd expect after being out in the rain without any care to yourself about getting sick or getting cold and ruining your appearance.

               I wonder what Chandler's doing.

               I left only about 12 minutes ago. Is he still back there, or is he gone? I'm guessing it's the second one. I'm also guessing that Joan is worried about me and it's possible that Becca told her about me leaving. I forgot my cell phone too so I'm in a wonderful fix.

               Aunt Vera's expecting me for dinner too so I guess I better get going. My short little, childish retreat is over and it's time to go home and figure out what to do...unless I can't...

               Almost immediately after I turn around to walk away from the street near Aunt Vera's old place, I see the same two men from before that I almost bumped into, walking towards me as I casually pass them, my soul escaping with each sigh I manage to get out given the little energy I have left in me.

               I feel so, empty and, dead right now...

               Gosh I mean, it's the way Chandler said it.

               I was...letting him believe something that he thinks isn't true. I was letting him believe that we could be ok, and apparently, he thinks I was just feeding him lies, meaning, he doesn't think we'll be all right at all. That is what he's saying isn't it?

               We're going to...be over?

               He didn't say anything like that exactly, so maybe it's a good idea if I stop overreacting. We just had a fight, but how will we handle it? I'm still worried sick that he'll give up again.

               What if that same feeling where it was just me, dealing with how hard it was to be away from him comes back, and I made a mistake in even trying when he might not want to try at all.

               But what if we both try and it still gets nowhere?

               Gosh, these thoughts are getting nowhere! I'm just going in circles!

               "Excuse me." I smile again as I walk past the two men, and I'm surprised they acknowledge me a little more this time, a grin from both of them which catches me off guard as I continue foreword.