Shatter

Chapter 7

               "Mm..." My voice betrays me, and so does my body as it starts to feel the excitement of Chandler's tongue filling my mouth, the beating of my heart rapidly increasing as he moves his head and I desperately follow to keep our lips touching.

               What is wrong with me?

               I need to stop this. I want to stop this. It has to stop. One day. I've only seen him one day and he's already devouring me, lapping up every inch of my affection that I tried so hard to kill, but just couldn't.

               What will happen after this? After this kiss ends, what will happen?

               Just forget everything and start over? Pick up our paint brushes and act like nothing's happened? Like a whole year didn't go by, and it only takes us one day to give into each other?

               This isn't a fanfiction.

               This isn't how real life works. This isn't the reality we chose, or rather Chandler chose all those moments ago. He left me...I may have been the one leaving, but he left me first.

               As much as I, want to lose myself in him, the scent of his cologne I never forgot, the feeling of his body pressing onto mine...my gosh I've missed this...I feel like I could die I've missed and craved this so much, I'm actually scared...because despite the fact that we've only seen each other a mere handful of hours ago, I think my love for him has only been starved, therefore...I'm hungrier now than ever to have him...

               I've changed...but I'm the same...

               And I don't want to let this go...but there's a bitterness in me that won't untangle itself from my heart...and I want him to hurt just as much as I did...I know it's wrong...but the memories, and the reasons, finally invade my head, and I pull away from him, my hands on his heaving chest, the relief of him still in front of me, confusing my mind and I'm already losing my sanity at the fact we're not going to work anything out.

               We have no business being here alone...

               We were children with feelings back then...and it was real...and it was true. Fan and celebrity, servant and master, boy and girl...but still lover and lover.

               That's all gone now. And it's just us, the same people, a year later, with pain slashed all over us...

               I was in the light, out of that room with only darkness...but as I push Chandler away slowly, my eyes letting the water drop to my shoes, I'm escorting myself back to that place, all the light slipping away, and it's just me again.

               "Don't." Chandler's voice is soft and I lift my head to look at him, his face defeated and hurt before he looks away. "Don't..." He whispers again and I walk away, refusing him before it's too late.

               "I'm leaving first." I mumble before going down the hall and out the doors, all the cold attacking me as I breathe out heavily, the cloud leaving me and I'm left alone, outside as I walk towards the city lights that differ so much from my hometown.

-Chandler's P.O.V.-

               "Tch." I scoff and hit my head on the wall after I sat down, shaking my head at how stupid I just got. Control? I admit, I fvcked up a little there, but I was 5 seconds away from making out with her neck, and if she didn't stop me, I wouldn't have thought anything through without taking her right here in this room.