Shatter

Chapter 14

               "I didn't know you had a gazebo."

               "Last time you were back here we didn't. My dad made some overpaid as$hole's build it a few months ago." Chandler mumbles as we sit inside the dark room.

               It's nice in here. There are windows to keep the rain out, and the walls are lined with a couch that goes all the way around with pillows on it and a dinner table in the middle with a kerosene lamp to match the larger design in the middle of the roof.

               It's so dark...but its light enough that I can see Chandler next to me as we both hold our legs to look out the front doors as the rain continues to attack the glass.

               "Raven..." I hear Chandler whisper and turn to see him looking ahead, his beautiful eyes wide as the moon illuminates, making it possible to see the shadows of the rain drops on the glass portray on his cheeks.

               I can't believe I actually kissed him. I can however, believe that, I really wanted to...and stupid as it is, I'm not regretting it. Telling him how I feel, I'm not sure if I regret that either.

               "What's wrong?"

               "I..." He sighs. "I want to know what this means." He turns to look at me. "What does this mean? I mean, I'm happy as fvck right now, but I need to know that this isn't you breaking your rule and then...going back to avoiding me...I told you how I felt. I'm not going to leave you alone, so don't ask me to, but I need to know what the fvck I'm up against." His eyes are a little calmer now, but still so desperate.

               What he's up against. What we're both up against.

               It's impossible to actually put into words all the things floating around in my mind right now. Are we together, are we not? Is this a trial? I hate trials. But I just...I don't trust Chandler to stick with this.

               "At least tell me that you believe me when I told you I won't leave you again. I won't." His voice strains as he turns to look at me, his hair only now beginning to dry. "I know you probably think that's sh1t, but it's not."

               "You told me this before." I interrupt him, trying to keep my head calm.

               "What?"

               "You remember?" I inhale and turn to look at him. "After we first...you know...in the car, I asked you, I said something about, staying together...Something about you leaving me." As the words slowly leave my mouth, I see the crack of absolution in Chandler's eyes, and feel bad for making him remember he broke his promise to me. "I...guess even then I knew that there was something to worry about." I scoff at how intuitive I was back then, worrying about us being apart.

               I don't see us apart now though, and I'm starting to not mind risking my heart again. I don't think I've learned my lesson. Besides...it's not like, Chandler's exactly hurt me anymore. People make mistakes and learn from them...I just hope he's one of them.

               "Fvck, I'm an as$hole." Chandler groans and falls onto his back and I giggle. "You laughing at me because I fvcked myself over?" He covers his eyes and I turn around to lean against the doors.

               "Sort of. Out of all the things that I thought would happen...this isn't one of them." I shrug and swallow for a second. "Uh...about, Dave...about the bet..."

               "You're not going on a fvcking date with him. I don't give a sh1t about your word or whatever else...I'm not letting you. We're going on a date instead." I watch as Chandler's lips move while his deep voice soothes my ears.