Shatter

Chapter 19

               "Thanks for your help." I sigh when I put down the last grocery bag, Becca smiling back at me, completely out of breath and I can only wonder if it's because of all the late night raves she goes to or all the packs of cigarettes I've seen her smoke away. Joan met her a few hours ago before going out to do some business my mom dumped on her, and I'll just say, I could tell Becca was oblivious to the fact she wasn't all that welcome.

               I don't like the idea of making friends with someone Joan doesn't like, and for that matter I don't find her the best influence, but she's kind in a weird sort of way.

               I never knew her calling me curse words could be endearing though.

               "So you gonna tell me who that little cock sucker was or what?" Becca sighs while pulling out a bottle of water from my small fridge, a frown on her face at the thought of Chandler from yesterday apparently fresh in her mind.

               I expected this, but then again, I'm not prepared for it.

               "He's the...mmmmm...." I blow up my cheeks trying to figure out how to put this to her. "He's, uh...let me think." I smile and I hear her swallow after making a sound.

               "No. He's not." She points to me, her bright pink top blinding me for a second and I take a moment to look at her raggedy hair while she points an orange nail at me. "He's the ex?!" She exclaims. "That little fvcking ba$tard is the ex?!"

               "I wouldn't put it...like that exactly..." I giggle.

               "Dishy." She muses.

               I honestly have no idea what that means though. If I'm correct in my assumption and by the way she's nodding her head in a sort of, well, well, well, manner, I think she thinks he's a catch.

               "You and him back together then? I mean yeah, he said he was your boyfriend, but...really?" She walks over to the couch while I gather the groceries together.

               "Well...yeah. I mean, I didn't want to, and I know I was crying over him not too long ago, but..."

               "Shut it now, I know what it's like to be addicted to loving someone. Or being in love." She sighs and I feel myself walk over, sitting next to her as we both just think in silence for a second.

               She's 22 but sometimes she seems like she's my age. Or maybe like she's my sister. I think that's one of the main reasons I don't mind hanging around her. I mean, I don't think I would be able to care in general, but, there's something very aloof about her, something sort of free, even if it's not that great in her life, but still, it's something I...envy.

               Not her situation, but her ability to be the bird in the sky she chooses.

               Whenever Kevin would call me a "little bird"...I didn't think much of it. He only called me that because my name was Raven...

               But now, I feel like a bird, trapped in a cage.

               Apart from Chandler, my life is pretty set. He's the only thing that makes it all seem meaningful. I mean, I'd rather stay in a cage with him than be free without him, but, is it wrong to want both?

               Is it crazy?

               I don't think it is.

               Because if I'm stuck in a cage, I think Chandler is probably the only one that can set me free.