DEAN'S FIRST LOVE (COMPLETED)

:FIRST LOVE 29

BABY D'S FIRST LOVE | by Robin @Robin_Blue22

29

"Hindi niya sinadya. He was drunk....I tried to make him understand that it's fine,tatanggapin ko but...that was his decision. Nagmakaawa ako,Dean. Pero ayaw niya akong pakinggan...."

It was painful to see Mom cry so much,while she begs,trying to make me understand,make me believe that it wasn't Theo's fault,that alcohol did it. But I knew better.

It wasn't an accident. It was just simply...Theo telling her that he's abandoning us. Again.

"Promise mo sa akin na hindi ka magagalit sa kanya."

I pulled the grass my hand grasped where I was lying the whole afternoon. Burning the thoughts that has been occupying my head for days. Akala ko kaya ko nung una,ang sundin si Mom,na magsawalang-bahala. But unfortunately I can't.

My heart is throbbing whenever I remember what Dad did. The first time I heard he was not coming back it didn't pain as much as it did when I learned about the reason. It felt surreal.Kaya pala hindi sinasabi dati ni Mom,dahil ganito pala kasakit that I am questioning my worth.

"He said he loves you."

Who would want to believe that? Iniisip ba niya na paniniwalaan ko yon kapag nalaman ko ang totoo?

Ganon na lang ba kami kadaling bitawan Dad that you chose to dignify your mistake than us? Why can you just tell us honestly na pinaasa mo lang kami,dahil sinungaling ka at manloloko? Hindi ka na naawa kay Mommy. Gusto kong sabihin sa kanya.

But my words has their own spikes. Nasasaktan din ako sa pag-iisip ng ganito.

Where are you? Text ni Bianca. Kagaya rin ng text nila Mommy kasama ang napakarami niyang missed calls.

Tumihaya ako at tamad na bumangon. Napakadilim na pala doon nang mapansin ko.

Past nine pa lang naman but because I endured getting along with the traffic past eleven na ako nakauwi.

They're all in their sleepwear when I got home.Lolo looked so ready to give me a fire but Mom was quick to shield me. I wonder if he already knew about it?

"Tumawag si Bianca kaninang umaga at hinahanap ka sa akin. Where have you been?" Mom's flat tone suggest that she already had the idea of me cutting my class.

I started removing my shoes. "Just somewhere." Mahinang sagot ko,I'm feeling tired.

I heard her slowly deep sigh. "Akala ko ba nag-usap na tayo? Nangako ka na walang magbabago. Kung ito ang paraan mo para sabihin sa 'kin na galit ka,well I am not tolerating it."

I swallowed. Natatakot ako sa ganitong tono niya. And something caging in me wants to be understood. Gusto ko yong ilabas pero kung ganito ang gusto niya,I raked both my hands through my hair,nahihirapan ako Mommy.

"Pinag-alala mo kami. Your Lolo and Lola should have been sleeping by now pero ayon pinuyat mo sila. Tama ba ang ginawa mo,Dean? Kung galit ka,sabihin mo,hindi yung idadaan mo na naman sa ganito:aalis ka maglalayas ka. Binata ka na,you're eighteen you should be more responsible by now. Alam mo na dapat ang tamang oras ng pag-uwi sa hindi. Kung galit ka 'kin,sabihin mo,hindi yung ganito."

I wanted to say yes,tell her what I feel but I got coward. Pero naubos ang katahimikan at lumabas na siya ng kwarto. Still confused pa rin ako. Iyong gusto kong magsalita,sagutin siya,sabihin ang totoong nararamdaman ko pero tuwing gagawin ko nawawala ang lakas ng loob ko. She made me promise. Mom don't deserve another headache from me. I'm just suppose to follow order,walang magbabago,wala ng magagalit. Pero paano naman yon? I just--this freaking cold monster in me just won't sit in. Kaya naiinis ako,nalilito ako.