Don't Tell Mom- Demi Lovato

[61] Justifiable

CHAPTER 61- Justifiable

Demi's POV

"So... How has your week been?"

I looked at Wilmer who looked at me for an answer and we both sighed.

"It was... interesting."

My therapist nodded, "Explain..."

"Wilmer got drunk... I found an empty bottle again in the trash... and Izzy is acting weird."

She nodded and looked towards Wilmer who stayed quiet.

"And how have things been for you guys... intimately?"

I sighed, "Terrible." I shot a glance at Wilmer who stared at his hands and shrugged making my glare intensify.

"Can we have a moment?"

Kelly nodded and walked out, shutting the door behind her.

"Okay. What's going on?"

Wilmer shrugged, "Nothing? I'm fine Demi leave it alone."

I shook my head and grabbed his hands, "Don't shut me out like this Will, talk to me."

He sighed, "I'm just... I'm ashamed by the fact that this is all me. You haven't done a single thing wrong to me in the past week yet I've done tons to you and here we are in therapy talking about how much of a jerk I am. It's a little bit of a slap in the face."

I shook my head, "Wilmer stop that, next week it'll probably be me, and then we can be even okay? Don't think like that I don't care what Kelly thinks of you or what she thinks of our relationship. We're going to work through this. I'm in love with you and I'm going to stay in love with you for the rest of my life okay?"

He nodded and leaned down to kiss me softly, "I love you too."

I called Kelly back in and she sat down with a smile, "So I want you guys to do something for me. Each of you say one thing you love about the other, and one thing you dislike. Really think about it and try to dig deep. Wilmer first, and don't think about the other's feelings."

Wilmer sighed and turned to look me in the eyes, "She is... I think my favorite thing about Demi is actually a collection of things. Its when she is watching the iD channel or a horror movie or even a comedy on TV. The way her eyes light up or the way her nose scrunches when she's confused or really interested. The way she sits up straight when she think she's figured it out or at least realized a part of the puzzle. Then once the scene is over she lays back down. Another time, is when she's completely exhausted, and just falls into my arms. Her head lays on my chest in this one spot where we just... fit together. Like we find that equilibrium with each other. My biggest dislike is when she pushes herself, like nothing is ever enough in any aspect of her life. With Izzy, or with me, I feel like she's never satisfied. I give her everything I have, and sometimes it's still not enough."

Wilmer sat back and twiddled his thumbs while blinked, shocked.

"Demi? Your turn."

I swallowed and took a deep breath, grabbing one of Wilmer's

"My favorite thing about Wilmer is the way he makes me feel safe. I know that I can go to him whenever I feel scared or insecure and he'll just hold me and somehow make the world smaller so I can focus on the things that really matter. It kinds of leads into the part that I dislike which is when he drinks... I feel unsafe, and not in control. He makes me anxious and afraid when I have to wait up half the night for him but I know i'll never sleep anyway unless I know he's home and safe."

Wilmer inhaled slowly and nodded, "I understand."

Kelly nodded, obviously in deep thought.

"Wilmer do you think Demi's fear is justifiable?"

He looked up, "I'll never discount anything she feels no matter what I think because that just makes her ashamed of her thoughts. So I think anything she's afraid of, even a simple spider, is justifiable."

Kelly nodded and looked at me, "Demi? What do you think of what Wilmer's thoughts?"

I smiled bitterly, "I think it's definitely a wake up call for me... I didn't have any idea he felt that way."

Kelly smiled, "Well here's your homework for the week. I want you two to practice those moments. Demi, practice those moments, voice it when you're scared and let him comfort you. Wilmer, sit home and watch a movie, allow that closeness between you two happen even if you're pissed at each other. Make a point to do it if not everyday, then once or twice a week. I'm not saying it has to be sex, but just that intimacy you two need. Okay?"

We both nodded and she smiled, "I've seen couples way more divided than you two in the middle of a messy divorce and forced to come here through court. If you're looking for my professional opinion, you're gonna be fine."

*

"So i've been thinking about the vow thing.." I bit my lip nervously as Wilmer started the car and we drove away from the therapist's office.

"About that... I think we need to wait a little for that Dems. I want to get my drinking together before I promise you that I can keep it together."

I could feel my heart cracking as I forced a smile, "Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking."

I stared out the window miserably as Wilmer continued the short drive home. I was about to tell him I'd found the perfect place to do it. Now I just felt stupid.

We pulled into the driveway and I sighed, getting out of the car quickly and walking inside before Wilmer had even shut the car door. I went straight to the bedroom and leaned against the locked door, sighing deeply as I tried to stop the tears threatening to overflow.

"Demi?"

I swallowed hard, "What?" My voice was thick and I cursed internally as he opened the door.

"Can you talk to me baby? What's wrong?"

I sighed and laid down on the bed, he joined me instantly, trying to wipe my tears with a worried expression.

"What's wrong nena?"

I sighed, "I don't want to postpone the vows, I was about to tell you that I found a place to do it but now you don't want to anymore."

Wilmer instantly pulled me into his chest and stroked my hair, "Demi that's not true at all I promise. I want to renew our vows, but I can do it within the next few weeks because I can't promise to always be that safety for you. This time I want to do it right and be one hundred percent confident about it. Okay? I love you baby don't think anything less."

My head dropped into the heart of his chest and I felt his arms tighten around me.

"I love you too."

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-Rachel