Don't Tell Mom- Demi Lovato

[52] Deception

CHAPTER 52- Deception

Izzy's POV

I woke up and immediately felt the familiar itching in my still heavily bandaged wrists. My upper arms were still clean, so I guess I'd have to start there. As I got up and walked into the bathroom, a voice behind me interrupted my trance.

"Looking for this?" I turned around, my body freezing instantly at the sight of the silver blade in my mom's hand.

"N-No..." Even an idiot would know I was lying. I sat back down on the bed and she took the spot next to me.

"I wanna talk to you a bit about this piece of metal."

I gulped, but nodded as she continued to turn it over in her fingertips.

"This blade was my bestfriend in my teenage years. I relied on it to get me through my darkest times... but I didn't realize it was also dragging me deeper into my own personal nightmare. I didn't realize that with every cut I made on my own body, another piece of the people who loved me's heart was breaking. I was selfish, and greedy. I didn't see the effect my actions had on other people. I didn't see how me hurting myself was killling other people... like your father. Yes this piece of metal makes you think that it can help you through everything, but it's really weighing you down. It keeps you from seeing the good things in life and clouds your vision with darkness and taints the light in your life. Babygirl I know things seem dark now, like there's no other option- believe me, I know how you feel, but you're wrong. this isn't the only option. You can live in freedom, and happniess. I promise I'm gonna do whatever I can do in my power to get you there but I need you to cooperate with me. Can you try to recover or are you going to stick with your current option?"

I opened my mouth, the shut it again. I'd never really thought about my mom's past. It'd always been something I would see in a news article or in old youtube videos, but hearing it first hand was something different. I guess she'd always tried to shelter me from the demons in her life, but now that we shared the same thoughts, she was being open with me.

"You don't have to say anything, just think about what I said, Believe me babygirl I know how hard it is to get past the urges, and the demons and the voices, but it isn't impossible. I can get through it and so can you."

Finally, I found my voice.

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head and pulled me into a hug, "Don't be sorry. It's not something you can control and I can understand that. Even now it's sometimes difficult for me to keep winning battles without help from other people who love me... But I do need you to want the help I'm willing to give."

Say yes.

Gain her trust back.

I nodded mutely, not trusting my voice.

"Can you do something for me?"

I looked up at her somber expression with questioning eyes.

"I want to see them- your scars. All of them. Show me. I want to see all of the times I wasn't there when you needed me."

Knowing that she wasn't going to let me off easy, I decided to not be difficult, and took off my shirt slowly. Her eyes focused on the tiny red cuts on my ribs and hip bones. As I shimmied off my sweatpants they swept down to my inner thighs, where it was almost impossible to see a clear spot of skin among the red lines.

My mom's eyes filled with tears and she gently kissed each other my wrists. The guesture was so sweet, so simple, I couldn't help but wonder about what was going through her head.

"What's gonna happen mom?" I whispered, and she met my gaze.

"I'm gonna help you baby, you're gonna be okay."

~*~

Izzy was getting ready to talk to Jake while I walked downstairs whereWilmer was waiting with coffee.

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" I wondered aloud as I took the cup from him and kissed his cheek.

"Just every now and then, but I never get tired of hearing it." He said with a smirk as I sat up on the counter.

"Well this sure makes therapy alot more interesting." I teased, and he chuckled, making his way between my legs.

"It definitely does... I'm sure we'll have a lot to talk about."

I wrapped my legs around his waist with my arms around his neck.

"So... does this whole thing set back the 'ready' date?"

Wilmer chuckled as he could tell I was getting tired of the arrangement.

"Getting impatient?"

I shrugged, "No, just horny."

He burst out laughing then, and I joined along with my giggled as his head dropped onto my shoulder.

"God Demi only you would say that."

I giggled and pulled his lips to mine, "I love you... just in case you didn't know that."

~*~

Izzy's POV

I nervously twiddled my thumbs at the table in starbucks as I waited for Jake to walk through the door. Finally, I saw his signature gelled up hair come through with the usual morning rush and I stood up with a smile on my face.

"Izzy! Thank God you're okay... You said you were at the hospital?"

I nodded, and sat down, blushing as he kept hold of my hand.

"I was... but now I'm trying to get better."

His expression was bewildered, "What do you mean? Can I do anything to help?"

I nodded, "Just... try to understand."

Jake nodded, "I will."

I took a deep breath, "Jake I was in the hospital for an attempted sucicide."

I say the way his eyes buldged, and I knew a million question were whirring through his head. To Jake's credit, he kept silence.

"I know it's alot to take it, and a very blunt statement, but I've been having these issues for a while now and things just got too intense. It wasn't anything you said or did, so I don't want you to blame yourself... You were kind of a rock for me when times were tough and I could always count on you to vent when things got tough. I wanted us to be perfect, and one of us isn't living up to that. I completely understand if you don't want to be with me anymore."

Jake was silent for a long time as he processed the new information.

Finally, he opened his mouth to speak.

"Izzy..."

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-Rachel