the book shop > j.l < MID EDIT

EIGHTY FIVE

wednesday april 10th 1962

johns body shook violently in penelopes small arms as he cried and cried and cried. penelope could barely stand it, she cried along with him silently as her heart broke. his arms were tied tightly around her waist, holding on for dear life, almost like he was scared she would disappear.

"why him pen?" he choked out into the fabric of her sweater on her chest were his head was buried, "why did it have to be him?"

she held onto his head, "i don't know baby, i don't know," his stomach felt tight and his throat was sore, he felt like he could throw up at any passing second.

an hour ago penelope and john got a phone call that drastically changed everything. stu had died. he'd collapsed when he was with astrid and died on the way to the hospital, john had to receive this news over the the telephone and ever since then he'd just completely broke down, rightfully so.

penelope held him like a baby for the longest time, he needed her in this moment, more than he'd ever needed her before. penelope and stu were friends but they never really spent too much time together, so she silently cried above john as he deteriorated. the time was 11pm and johns cries had slowly gotten quieter, he hiccuped because of all the crying he'd been doing.

she combed her fingers through his messy locks and the fabric of her sweater was bunched inbetween johns fingers. he lifted up wiping his eyes and looked at penelope with the widest and most vulnerable look clouding them, penelope kneeled in front of him and gently placed her hands on each side of his face, "im so sorry john."

he shook his head and put his hands on top of hers, he closed his eyes to keep calm and felt penelopes small arms snake around his neck and his head buried into the crook of her neck.

"i don't want him to be gone penelope, i cant-" he cried again wrapping his arms around her waist so she fell into his lap, "i cant take any more."

penelope cried at his words, "i know," she held onto the back of his head, "i know johnny." penelope knew something that could potentially soothe his pain, something that she'd always told him not to do when he was in pain - but this pain was different. she climbed off his lap and held out a hand. he looked up to her with curious bloodshot eyes, "come on," she whispered. he took it and she lead them both downstairs, they walked into the living room and penelope moved straight over to their cabinet under the bookcase, she opened it and pulled out two shot glasses alongside a bottle of vodka. she turned back to john who sat on their sofa with his head in his hands and she pulled the coffee table from the centre of the room to in front of john to place the bottle on it, she sat on the armchair the other side of the table and placed a box of tissues they had lying around on the table next to the drink too. john watched her through his tears as she poured them both a drink.

"i thought you said to never do this?" he asked sniffling and taking a tissue.

"there's exceptions - this is one of them," she replied wiping her nose, "bottoms up?" she asked taking her shot glass and holding it up to cheers him.

he looked away and picked the glass up clinking it with hers before they threw the drinks back, both pulling extreme sour faces once taking in the contents. they slammed the glasses onto the table and the rest of the night was a repeat of this.

john had started reminiscing over all his and stu's memories together inbetween each shot they took. they cried and laughed in his honour, they also decided they needed to go down to liverpool to see the other boys - they all needed each other in this moment and john needed his boys.

they fell asleep together on the sofa, johns body was draped on top of penelopes, his head in her chest and her arms wrapped around his back.

•

friday 13th 1962

liverpool, england.

"john, man how are you holding up?" pete asked pulling john into a short hug.

"as good as i can be, you?" john replied.

"same," pete agreed. the two boys both had deep dark circles under their eyes and their faces were pale, he turned his attention to penelope who stood a little behind john with her hair tied into a loose ponytail and wore trousers and a baggy sweater.

"hey pete," penelope smiled and he took her into a small hug.

"alright pen," he greeted her rubbing her back softly, "charlottes inside," he informed her. penelope nodded and made her way inside petes apartment leaving to the two boys to talk.

penelope walked into the living room to find charlotte lying down on the sofa with her eyes closed. penelope bent down in front of charlottes face and brushed some hair out of her eyes, charlottes eyes fluttered open, "oh my god pen," she croaked sitting up and throwing her arms around penelopes neck, "good to see you."

penelope pulled back and sat next to charlotte on the sofa, "how are you doing?" charlotte asked leaning her head on penelopes shoulder tiredly.

"i'm good, my heart just breaks for john, y'know? how about you?"

"same, petes not stopped crying really," charlotte replied sadly and penelope nodded agreeing.

penelope sighed then shook her head as both boys walked into the kitchen, "anyway, what about you? and mini charlotte of course," penelope asked smiling at her best friend. charlottes smile immediately lit up and pete came walking in quickly.

"have you shown her yet?" he asked upon hearing the question. john trailed behind confusedly. charlotte shook her head and stood off the sofa, she wore a oversized cardigan wrapped around her body and some leggings. her hair was tucked messily behind her ear.

charlotte opened her cardigan and pulled her shirt up revealing her very tiny bump, "i popped!" she said happily.

"she popped! look how cool this is!" pete said, smiling truly.

penelope gasped at the sight, "oh my god," she immediately stood up and pressed her hands against her skin, "oh my god charl! you have a little baby inside of here!" they shared a quick hug before charlotte flicked her eyes over to john, he stood in the doorway staring at the bump, upon realising charlotte was looking at him he ran a hand through is hair and threw her a small smile before turning and walking out of the room. penelope  looked to the door and bit her lip.

"i'll be back in a sec," she said excusing herself. she walked into john where he learnt against the kitchen side rubbing his eyes.

"hey," she said softly, "stupid question but, are you okay?" she moved closer to him and put a hand on the small of his back. he sniffled slightly.

"i'm okay, i just need a minute," he replied.

penelope nodded, "okay, alone?" she asked not wanting to be too clingy if he didn't want it.

he snapped his head round and grabbed her wrist, "no don't leave, just one minute okay?" he pulled her close and dropped his head onto her shoulder, she held him tightly being the comfort he needed, "i love you pen," he croaked out.

"i love you too john."

it was here that penelope knew that his pain was only going to get worse.

•

an this is kinda an inbetween chapter so you know the circumstances etc. the next few chapters will be better i promise🖤