e i g h t e e n

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Colton and I, made our way home pretty quickly. A little nervous about what had to come. Apparently Ryan sounded really distressed on the phone.

And we both know it's not a good thing.

When we walk inside the house Ryan's already sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. Once he hears us he quickly looks up.

His eyes are bloodshot and red. I make my way over to him wrapping my arm around. "Uh, what- what's happened?" I asked very unsure of how to react at his current state.

He blows a breath of air making the hair on his head, blow up. He ready his head on my shoulder. "D-dad, dad he's, uh he's. Mom was on the phone and she was crying she wanted to speak to you and I, t-to tell us." He struggles.

"Ry just say it." I demand, getting fed up with his inability to be able to form words to say what he needs to.

"Dads dead." He states, bluntly. "He died in a car accident in Paris, where they were staying. On his way to work." He sighs.

I feel the air being sucked out of my body. The colour draining out of my face. How do you react? When someone who created you, but choose not to be part of your life dies.

I didn't feel sad. But I felt something. Guilt maybe for not feelings sad. Or guilt for hating him and mom so much for just leaving me and Ryan to be alone. I just felt a pit in the bottom of my stomach.

"Fuck." I hear Colton curse under his breath. "Man I'm so sorry guys." Colton's voice breaks he was crying too. Before all our parents became work obsessed, our mom and dad were just as much Colton's parents as they were ours and Vice Versa.

I don't say anything I just stand up, and walk to my room mindlessly almost. I feel helpless, I just flop onto my bed sit there frozen, like I'm in shock.

I can't react.

I want to be sad, I want to feel some remorse, I want to be able to grieve. But I can't. I feel nothing. Just emptiness.

I had no relationship with my father, nor did I my mother. It's like a stranger has passed away. One that I wish I had the emotional ties that connected me to them, so I could feel sad about them passing. Not feel sad for the others around me.

Someone knocks on my door, I don't bother replying because I know it's one of the boys they'll come in anyways. Ryan's pops into view, making his way over to my bed he sits down beside me, wrapping his arm around me.

He sighs, "I'll give you time to yourself, but mom is flying us to Paris tomorrow for dads funeral the day after we get there. I think she wants to get back work quickly. It's her way of grieving I guess. So I'd thought I'd pre warn you so you can get packing for the next week in Paris." He says.

I nod my head. I see his face drop at my minimal reaction. I know he just wants me grief with him. But I can't grieve, if I don't feel anything.

Ryan leaves my room, I sigh standing up getting ready to pack to leave tomorrow, it's going to be a long week.


I was genuinely unimpressed by the form of travel that my mom chose for us. I despise the way she flashes her money around, flying us to Paris in a private jet.

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