Finding Home (The Affair Series Book 3)

Back In Cali

STEF POV

Being back in Cali was bittersweet for on one hand I was happy to see the trip was over for it was rather exhausting but on the other hand I was sad for being with my Aunt Fran again along with Debbie, my kids and Lena was more therapeutic then anything. It also helped me realize what I had in my life and what I didn't want to ever loose again. Sure part of me was scared I'd still manage to fuck it all up which I was so good at doing in the past but the other part of me was determined not to.

"Fuck am I glad to be home." I said throwing my bag down feeling utterly exhausted as I plopped on the couch.  Honestly it did feel good to be back home in my own apartment and now more then ever I appreciated it. Over the years a part of me had forgotten the shitty places I lived in with Sharon growing up, some with holes in the floors and rodents scurrying around or barely any heat or hot water. Not that the place Diane and I bought was amazing but we made it as nice and as cozy as we possibly could. Same with my place now because it was important to me and always would be to have a home and a nice one for myself and my kids.

"Honey, language please." Lena reprimanded as I heard my kids giggle.

"Sorry baby but it applies. I am damm near fried."

"Maybe so but still. Pick a better word baby." Putting her bag down as well all I could do was grin at Lena for she was so proper I sometimes wondered what in the hell she saw in me or how we even ended up together.

"Yes, yes, hush up and come sit on my lap woman. Make yourself useful." Winking at her she shook her head at me laughing with an amused expression.

"Mom, you two need to forever get a room. Are you ever not flirting?" Jude said.

"Ah leave them it's cute. Come lets go unpack buddy." Following his sister into the bedrooms they let us alone as I grabbed Lena's hands pulling her on my lap."Hi my love."

"Hi." Lena could only grin as she kissed her girlfriend on the lips and Stef held her close. "Glad to be back baby?"

"Jesus yes. A good trip but I'm fried my love. How about you? Mm?" I asked rubbing her legs up and down as she stroked my cheek with the back of her hand causing me to blush.

"Happy to be back and it was a good trip. Good for all of us. I think it was important and did a lot of good with healing certain things and relationships. It was important for you, your kids, your aunt and us."

"Yeah I think so too my love."

"And baby you may not feel the effects for awhile but please don't hide. WHen you need to talk you tell me. Promise no hiding Stef."

"No hiding baby. I promise."

"Good."Gently stroking my cheek again as I rubbed her leg I couldn't help but kiss her soft lips that I wished were all over my body right now as I grinned at her. "Don't look at me like that. We can't right now." She teased.

"Yeah don't I know it. Unfortunately."

"But um I need to go check on my apartment and.. um I'm not leaving you I..

"No. I know that. I'll be fine honey. Go check on your apartment. Sleep in your own bed. I will be fine. You don't need to watch me and that is not how I want our relationship to be. I know when I first got out I asked you to stay just to help me for a few days but I'm ok love. Come in the morning for breakfast." Seeing the hesitation on her face I leaned in a kissed her lips again. "Go my sweetheart. Just call me when you get home ok?"

"Yeah baby. I will." Kissing me once again she slowly got up off my lap as my hands remained in hers not wanting her to go. Shit I really didn't but it was important for I needed to know how to be alone with my kids. I needed to know how to function with them and myself. Of course Lena was in my life, she was my girlfriend but I had always relied on a girlfriend. Always and that wasn't right of me. I needed to learn how to rely on myself and be the woman I wanted to be for her and my children. Sure it was hard especially since all I wanted to do was make love to her all night but it needed to be done as I walked her to the door and she smiled softly at me cupping my cheek. "I will call you baby. ANd you call me if you need anything."

"I will. I love you."

"I love you too." Kissing her lips again I closed the door behind her as I looked around at my apartment hearing both Frankie and Jude putting their things away. Part of this was still so new and the first time I was doing it 100 percent sober. There was no room for error, I had more people then ever in my life and I had my Aunt Fran, the only mother I ever, ever knew back in my life along with Debbie. I couldn't fuck up, not this time and there was no reason to as both my kids came out the room relaxing on the couch.

"You both hungry? I asked sitting beside them.

"Sure ma. Where's Lena?" Jude asked looking around as well as Frankie.

"Oh she went home to her apartment love. To check on it, sleep in her own bed."

"Oh. She's not staying here anymore?"

"She will come over for meals and we will hang out  sweetness."

"DId you break up?"

"Of course they didn't Jude. But it's important for couples to spend time alone too. Right mama?"

"Yeah love it is. But Lena will be over for breakfast sweets in the morning." 

"Thank god because she promised to make those pancakes that she stuffs with the cream cheese."

"Ha! Yes I know mine do not even remotely measure up. But how about we order a pizza and watch some TV. MM babies?"

"Sure ma sounds good. I'll order." My son said getting up as I glanced to Frankie who smiled at me and wrapping my arm around her I held her close kissing her forehead.

"Love you baby."

"Love you too."

Spending the rest of the night with my kids was enjoyable for we rarely had alone time on the trip. Sometimes I wondered if I knew how to be alone with my kids for long periods of time. Sure I had Jude and Frankie with me over the summer but I meant on a steady basis for the stability of my parenting had been questionable. That was partly why Lena went back to her apartment and I understood.  She wanted me to feel confident that I could do this and I was definitely  nervous. More then I would ever let on as I thought more and more about my Callie. What in the hell was I going to do?