Finding Home (The Affair Series Book 3)

Open Conversation

That night as the family got comfortable in the hotel as usual Stef found it hard to sleep for her mind was filled. Filled to the brim. She refused to wake Lena who slept soundly beside her and decided to head out onto the hotel balcony. Smoking wasn't an option for if Frankie or Lena caught her it would be game over and she would have no excuse. None. So she was left to deal with her memories, and her feelings without it. Without alcohol without anything to numb the pain. Little did she know Callie was laying in her bed at Women's United with tears in her eyes. Tears from memories she was trying so hard to forget herself.

"I can't do it mommy Di. You taught me every day over and over and I can't get it! I'm slow and stupid! Everyone else can ride two wheels but me!" Callie said kicking the step as she crashed into the bush once again wit her bike. "I give up!"

"Hey!" Stef shouted putting her cigarette out as Diane sat on her lap feeling bad for Callie. But Stef was not into sympathy when it came to somethings at all. "Come back here."

"I'm done riding."

"Come here. Now." Walking over to her mother and Diane Callie pouted as she let out a frustrated sigh.

"You expect to get where like that? Giving up so easy? Huh?"

"I tried. All week. Everyone can ride but me and they were laughing at me."

"Who cares if they laugh at you. Fuck em."

"Baby." Diane said reprimanding Stef for her language.

"Callie you focus on you, what you want to do not what everyone else is doing. Do not pity yourself you want to ride you ride. You practice and you fall as many times as it takes."

"I can't mama."

"You can. Let's go." Getting up from her seat Stef walked her little girl down to the bike she dropped on the grass in frustration and Diane held Jude watching. "Ok pick it up and sit."

"But I'm gonna fall again."

"So what. If you do get back up and try again." Kneeling next to her girl who now sat on the bike seat Callie looked to her unsure." Cals, you can't give up just because things are hard baby. You just try harder. We all fell when we took our first steps, we all fell when we first learned to ride a bike. I fell a ton of times."

"You? But you are strong."

"Yeah and so you are." Poking her nose Callie could only smile her widest and the blonde returned it. " Now my strong girl pedal and lets go. I will hold the back of the bike and help for a bit. But you are in control and I believe in you. But you gotta believe in yourself too. Ok?"

"Ok."

"Ok let's go love. You got this and I won't let you fall you're a strong girl anyway. Training wheels are for babies and you aren't a baby anymore. You are mama's strong girl. Now you go on and ride. Ride like the wind babygirl." Winking at her Callie smiled wide as determination took over her and she began to pedal slowly as Stef held the back of her bike. However the blonde let go and watched her ride all the way to the end of the block faster than ever.

"I did it mama!! I did it!" Callie said getting off her bike and running to her mother hugging her as Stef kissed her soft cheeks.

"I know you did! I know you did my sweetgirl. I told you and I'm so proud of you. I always will be. Forever."

"I love you mama."

"I love you too sweetheart. Very much."

Callie had almost forgotten about that day. She had forgotten many things because she tried to stuff all the good things and memories of her mother into the far back of her brain. For the most part she was good at it until Frankie called her and forced her to remember that her mother wasn't this awful person. She just had issues. Many of them and she was wondering how much longer she was going to be angry with her mother.

Stef never forgot that day either with her daughter or when Fran taught her how to ride a bike for that was how she taught Callie. The same way. She too just like Callie tried to block out all the good times she had with Fran and Debbie because it hurt far to much. But how much longer was she going to do this? How much longer was she going to be angry at her aunt, how much longer was she going to punish her, resent her and block her off. She didn't know as she took her phone out letting out a deep breath and doing something she never ever thought she would. Never. But she did and dialed Fran's number.

"Francine Foster." She heard in a somewhat tired voice.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to call so late."

"Stef? What's wrong baby you ok?" The older blonde asking instantly knowing it was her niece.

"Um yeah, um can we talk?" With tears in her eyes Stef wasn't sure how this was going to go but her voice was already cracking.

"Of course baby. What's wrong sweetheart? What's the matter?"

"I missed you."

"I missed you too honey. Very much." By this time Fran had her own tears falling down her face as she sat up in bed Debbie beside her.

"And I just I wanted you to be my mother so badly. And I was so angry with you for not saving me. Sometimes I hated you and I waited everyday for you. I just wanted you to rescue me and I was so upset that you didn't."

"I'm so sorry baby. You have no idea how sorry I am that I didn't find you. It killed me everyday. Every single day honey and I wanted nothing more but to be your mother. Nothing more. I was for a little bit of time."

"I remember. You taught me how to ride a bike."

"I did. Took you some time and you were frustrated. Almost gave up but you did it."

"You wouldn't let me give up."

"No because I knew you could do it."

"I was in rehab. For a month and Just got out. I cheated on Lena, I cheated on my first love Diane with many women and men. I lost my kids. I fucked up alot."

"You are human sweetheart. And you did the best you could. And you got help? Yes?"

"Yes. I mean I still am."

"That's ok. I'm not disappointed in you baby. I am proud of you and what you have become. I know it was a hard road. Life is like that sometimes and I know it but I love you regardless of your mistakes. Always will."

"But I've made so many. Horrible ones."

"And you learned from them. Right?"

"I hope."

"They don't define you baby. Not at all and think about what you have now. And what you might want to get back. How far you have come and what you have overcome. You survived growing up with my sister and I know that was hell. Strong does not begin to describe you sweetheart and you keep pushing and peddling like you did as a kid."

"You always made me feel better and I'm one hell of chain smoker."

"Well I did warn you."

"That you did." The younger blonde laughed as did Fran. "Are you back home?"

"Yes. We got here a few hours ago. Where are you sweetheart?"

"Um Michigan. At a hotel."

"Do you need me to come there?"

"I can't ask you that based on how I've treated you."

"Babygirl I don't hold that against you. Ever. I understood and understand. I will come if you need me to. You tell me sweetheart."

"Yes."

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Stef :(