(Chapter 11) I Don't Know

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What scared Jungkook was that he didn't even want to pull away.

And he didn't like that. He didn't want to be forced to like someone.

He didn't like the idea that the bond was controlling him.

He ran his eyes over the girl, studying her and wondering how he would make room for her in his life.

Her hair fell into her face, casting shadows and obscuring her features as he looked at her.

But the undeniable draw was there.

He felt like she was familiar even though he knew had no idea who she was.

And the soulmate healing coming from where her skin was on his skin... felt like little zaps of relaxing and warm electricity.

He wanted to be distant.

He wanted to act how he would if she was anyone else.

... But he just couldn't.

Because she wasn't just anyone else.

She was the person that the universe had made for him, and led to him, had shoved into his life.

How could he not be, at least a little, curious?

And she was peeking at him through her lashes like she was afraid.

Jungkook knew all too well what it was like to be afraid of other people.

It was hard when he had left Busan

and everyone and everything he'd ever known,

thrust into a bustling, loud city

where everyone was scary and two-faced and he was alone, so alone,

why had he even left his family

did he really have what it takes

or is it all going to be for nothing

he was never going to make it

he was so lonely and afraid

and stared

at always being stared at by strangers

he just wanted to go home to the familiar faces that loved him---

Jungkook blinks and shakes it off before the same old sorrow almost grips him again.

Maybe it was right that he should reach out to her.

Because he understood.

But was that it the bond talking?

Or was it really him, himself?

That mattered a lot to Jungkook.

He didn't want to be controlled, he didn't want to lose himself.

It was his greatest fear about his bonding.

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