When all our friends are dead and just a memory ( Bastille Fanfic)

Part 69- love is mean and love hurts

Catherines Point of view

"hi" I absently spoke, my voice not making any effort to begin to sound excited or sad. "Sit" I pointed to the welcoming sofa laced in a brown fluffy throw and many cushions. "Why are you here?"

"Josh said.." I looked towards Josh and shot him evils. Ohh if looks could kill.

"Josh said what" I gritted my teeth 

I saw him gulp, he looked between Josh and me fianlly leaving his gaze on me. "he said he was scared. Scared you'd fall back ...into depression. Why didn't you tell me?"

"You fucking idiot Josh" I stormed towards him grabbing him by the throat. 

"I didn't know you didn't tell him" he managed to croak out. 

"I would have fucking told you if I did" 

"Cat, calm down" Dan rushed to my side and freed Josh from my tight grasp 

"Get off me" I slapped Dans arm. "I was going to tell you" I suddenly felt guilty "There were many times I wanted to tell you, really. I felt like you deserved to know and you still do" I played with my fingers and looked down at the floor. 

"I'm erm... just going to sit in the kitchen while you two chat" Josh creeped out 

"Thanks, take a seat" 

Dan did as I asked and I sat next to him, not too close but close enough to see the stubble growing on his chin. The touring must be taking it's toll. 

"So.."

"I'm trying to think of where to start." I went through the memories I tried to perge but are still there, engraved in my mind. "Yeah, I had depression from the age of 18. Depression isn't just crying, it's a mental illness that developes more psychological probelms than anyone could imagine and it takes a long and sometimes lonley road to survive and I only got out of it properly when I was 22. It was really bad and I mean really"

"Why?" Our bodies turned so we were facing each other. 

"Erm.. I'll guess I will start at the beggining" He gave me a look as if to say 'go on' 

"My bestfriend her name is Alexa. We were so close, I knew her from nursery and she continued to be my bestfriend throught my life until college. We used to tell each other everything she was the only person I could trust with all my secrets. She was amazing, a  star. Actually more than a star she was the whole fucking sky. Sure I had all my other friends but she was always there for me no matter what. 

I remember one day we made plans to go shopping in Leeds. We were so excited for ages, her mum and dad were going to take us. The day came that we were going to go but I got called in to work because it was an emergancy so regretabally I told her I couldn't come but she could still go. So she did. Her, her mum and Dad went to Leeds without me on June the 24th. June the 26th she died. Thoes 2 dates will always stick in my mind because they were the days I lost my bestfriend. 

Their car collided with a lorry on the A64 near Whitby. It turned out she sat on my side of the car, we always had specific sides you see.  Mine would be the left side seat and hers the right. Unfortunatly she picked my seat. It's all my fault she died. If I went with her we would have been a few more minutes late because they would have picked me up and that might not have happened. I should have died instead of her, she was sat in my  seat. It was my fault.

She was airlifted back to hospital in Whitby. Fortunatly she wasn't too bad, she was in a stable coma for a while, a broken leg and arm, minor cuts and bruises. She was going to survive. Well we all thought she was. Of course her mum rung me straight away and I ran all the way to the hospital. I sat sobbing for ages with her mum and Dad scared she wasn't going to wake up. I remember sitting in the god awful hospital room surrounded my bleeping moniters and the smell of sickly death and hand sanatizer. I had her hand in mine and I was telling her to wake up, to do it for me, for her family. I hated it. A few hours later she was lucky enough to come out of the coma. The doctors said she came out pretty quick and sooner than they thought she would but it was fine. She kept complaining her body ached so the doctors gave her painkillers in liquid form so they would get into the blood stream. But the doctor fucked up big time. He gave her a leathal dose, very leathal.