When all our friends are dead and just a memory ( Bastille Fanfic)

Part 65-Just what has my life come to

Catherines Point of view

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Text from: Josh 

How come you weren't at uni today?

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Text from Josh: 

Where are you? xxxx

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Text from Josh: 

are you ill, do you want me to come over? xxxx

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Text from Josh:

Why haven't you been to work either?xxxxxx

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Text from: Tom

Hey babe, you okay? How come you haven't been into work?

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Text from: Josh 

ANSWER ME

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Text from: Dan

Hey, how are you? x 

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Text from: Josh 

Plleeaasssee xxxxxxxxxx

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Text from: Kyle

Please can you just sort something out with Dan, all he's doing is moping about and we're all still shaken up from the gun incident. Please can you just talk to him? xxxx

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Text from Josh: 

I'm not even joking fucking answer me right this second 

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They were just a sample of messages that I received in the three days I've been sat in bed crying, sleeping, living the dream. I haven't moved off this bed for anything else other than water or some form of alcohol. 

I was at the point that if something happened to me, I couldn't care less anymore. I just wanted to be left alone, to sit here and rot away. But no one seems to understand that.

It's 3am right now and what am I doing? Wasting my life away. 

I reached for the gin bottle to the side of me, I had my eyes closed but I was sure I could find it. Next thing you know there was a series of loud bangs and crashes from the gin bottle meeting the floor but stopping off to knock the arey of other bottles down. 

I felt so hopeless, like no one could help me or 'fix me' like they have told be before. I could feel myself of the verge of relapsing. But I ran away from it once, surely I could do it again. 

I had a rush of different emotions running through me and it was all getting too confusing. I just wanted it to end; I wanted my life to end.

I needed to do something productive, I felt like such a waste of space. I cranked the music slightly louder and began to draw. I felt like that was a way I could escape, it always has been. One page after another they were full with doodles or intricate drawings. Dark paradise by Lana Del Rey stopped playing and low and behold Oblivion came on, it's really not what I needed; to here Dans voice beautifully singing one of my favorite yet haunting songs. 

As the song progressed my drawing became clearer of what it was meant to be. It was meant to be Dan. I got everything to the lines above his mouth when he smiles, to the glistening of his wonderful eyes. Drop after drop my page was becoming damp and I realised I was crying, a mixture of memories this song brought back to me and the thought of Dan was too overpowering and I let it all out. 

It felt like someone had put Niagara falls in my eyes or something the way tears were flooding out of my eyes and cascading down my face. I then thought about what I was really doing? I had bottled everything up for so long and I have only just started to empty my thoughts. This couldn't happen, I couldn't be this girl who cries over her boyfriend especially when it was mostly his fault. I felt a surge of anger Pierce through my body. 

I unraveled myself from the comfort of the duvet and dotted some bluetack around the drawing of Dan placing it onto the wall. I ran into the kitchen and opened up the draw of tools, I reached for my grey stanley knife undoing the screws with a screwdriver and collecting the blades that lay inside. I noticed my throwing star covered by some paper so I dug it out as well. 

I sat back on my bed with the blades and star in hand. I thought about it, don't get me wrong I did have that idea. Using the blades to cut, but that's not my thing. I have thought about it numerous times but never could I bring myself to actually do it. Instead with a large amount of force I chuck one after another at the picture of Dan. I had 4 steel blades, one had red on the bottom from when I was doing something with paint and that one was stuck in between his eyes, 2 were in his eyes and the other on his lips. I hurtled the star at his face and it hit him right in the nose. It made me feel slightly better but I still felt useless, hopeless and tired. Tired of Dan, my friend and just life in general. 

I stared for a while aimlessly out of the window. Just what is going on. I never would ever think my life would pan out this way. Coming to London, attending a great uni here, going out with a lead singer of a band I love, meeting dodgy people, being great friends with dodgy people, point a gun at my exs head. Yeah I don't think anyone would ever think me out of all people would turn out like this.

Just what has my life come to

I took a swig of my drink and another and another until it all sort of disappeared. 

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Thanks for my 35k guys!! 

I'm guessing not many of you liked the last chatper since I basically got next to no votes, well I had a few but still kinda felt like shit about it. Is this chapter any better? If you think so plleeassee vote or comment let me know!! 

Thanks for reading and i'm sorry it's a short chapter might post another one tomorrow x