When all our friends are dead and just a memory ( Bastille Fanfic)

Part 23-resembled a pineapple

Catherines Point of view

"Josh,Josh!? Please you can't do this to me, you can't leave me like....li..ke she did, Please i'm begging keep your eyes open, for me. Josh you can do this, you are so strong I.. I can't go through the heartache again." I mopped up the tears streaming down my eyes and perched next do Joshes body. I held his hand so tight it could have fallen off, nurses and doctors crowded around the bed which Joshes body lay. The monitor next to me with the green line was decreasing, which followed by a straight line. 

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I was awoken by the sound of menswear by the 1975 filling the room. I shot my eyes open to check where I was. I was sprawled over my bed locked in by the covers. I stared down at my hands, they were shaking like a leaf, beads of sweat gathered on my forehead and my heart was palpitating at an abnormal speed. 

"oh shit it was just a nightmare" I murmured to myself. 

I sat myself up in bed, i'm glad it was over but I still couldn't shake the feeling something is wrong. It's probably just because I have to go to uni, it should be illegal to go uni at this time in the morning. I just couldn't be bothered to go out anymore, I am drained emotionally and physically. I know that two days ago I had a really good time with Lee and James and I should be excited that Dan is coming back tomorrow but I have no energy to be excited. 

I made my way in to the kitchen ( making my way down town, walking fast, faces pass and i'm home bound- Vanessa Carlton everyone. Sorry that first part just reminded me of the song) passing a mirror as I went. I looked horrific. My hair was in a sort of bun that just resembled a pineapple, parts of it were stuck to the sweat on my forehead ( that was a pretty grim image) and dark circles formed underneath my eyes.

Just as I made it through the kitchen doorway I realised my calender had fallen down. I picked it up and quickly glanced at it. Straight away tears formed in my eyes. Within a few minutes tears were flowing down my face like water in a river, unlike earlier these tears were real. I slumped in to the corner recollecting every memory I had with her. 

I havn't realised how long I had been sat there wallowing in self pitty until I got a phone call from Dan. I couldn't answer he would have known something was up with the way I was talking. Stuttering, trying to hold in the tears. The next ring tone that went off signified Josh was texting me. 

Josh: You in English, I can't see you?! xxxx

Catherine: Don't strain yourself looking for me because i'm not there ;) xxxx

Josh: How come? You alright babes, do you want me to come meet you? xxx

Catherine: Thanks for the concern, I'll be there in about 45 minutes and I shall tell you all about it xxxx

Josh: Ohhh how exciting, see you soon. Love you xxxxx

Why did I tell Josh I was going to turn up to Uni?!? why oh why? Now I actually have to. I really couldn't be arsed. I sat there for a few more minutes. Sitting, waiting, wishing ( bit of Jack Johnson) that this isn't actually happening, that this isn't my sad sad life. I couldn't cope. Everything was going round and round my head. I didn't think anything could help. So I turned to the friend I have always had. Alcohol. 

I took a swig of tequila, the burning sensation felt so good to ease the pain that was going on in my head. I was about to take another when my phone started ringing again. It was Dan. Can he not take the hint that I don't want to speak to him.

Suddenly something clicked in my head. What  am I doing? How is this going to help, nothing can change the past and this certainly wouldn't. I screwed the top back on the bottle and headed off to get ready.