When all our friends are dead and just a memory ( Bastille Fanfic)

Part 24- a sign of madness?

Dans point of view

I did as Catherine asked, I havn't contacted her since we last talked. Not even to tell her we're back. To be honest i'm a bit scared of what she would say to me after the fiasco last night. I probably should go see her, but I don't know how she would react, would she punch me then slam the door in my face. Who knows? Her mood changes like we change country. And that's quite a lot at the moment. 'At the moment' being the operative phrase, it won't last. By next year we will all be in normal jobs apart from Will. Will is basically unemployable his words not mine. 

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Catherines point of view

Well it's fair to say I have had the shittest nights sleep i've had in a while. Tossing and turning every 5 seconds, getting up and pacing about every 20. I resulted in sitting on the balcony listening to what ever came on to shuffle on my phone. Unfortunately it seemed every two songs so far one of Bastilles came on which made me feel utterly guilty about how I treated Dan. 

Oblivion was the next song to play. Dans voice sent chills down my spine (i've got chills they're multiplying, and i'm loosing control very sorry for a bit of grease) making the hairs on my arms stand on end. Listening to this song reminded me of her and myself, me being totally oblivious. It disgusted me, I disgusted myself, how could I be that oblivious? 

After the song had finished I wondered back to my room and grabbed Dans grey jumper with Watermelons on. I pulled it over my own clothes and inhaled his sent still lingering on the jumper. 

"God i'm such a dick" I was talking to myself. Is this a sign of madness? I grabbed the quilt and pulled it on top of me as I lay in bed. I was hoping I would disappear like a magic trick but some how  I didn't think that was going to happen. 

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The sun slashed my eyelids and I blinked trying to adjust to the daylight spilling though the window. I looked over to the black and silver alarm clock on the bedside table which read 8.53. I groaned in agony at what time I have aloud myself to wake up. For the next half an hour I spent my time trying to get back to sleep, trying but not succeeding. 

I just lay in my bed, gazing at the ceiling. Staring in to nothing and thinking about everything. 

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door which if memory served correct is a 'Dan' knock. I slid out of my bed and walked solemnly to the door. Even though I was walking calm to the door my thoughts were a different story. 

My hands were clammy as I reached for the door handle. My heart was beating out of my chest and the thoughts of 'he's come round to dump you, because this is what you deserve' were swimming round my head. In one swift movement I swung the door open and there stood Dan, looking as Dan as you can get. Black skinny jeans, white converse and a black Joy Division tee. However he wasn't alone, he brought the rest of the clan with him. I can't blame him, he probably brought them for protection because he knows what i'm like. One of them by themselves couldn't restrain me that's why they had all come just in case I attacked Dan which is possible, I could. 

"you alright?"

"yeah, you? I came because I just wanted to sort everything out between us really" What he really means when he said he wanted to 'sort everything out between us' is he wants to dump me. Dump me. I have never been the dumpee always the dumper. 

"er.. I'm okay. Had better days." I was playing with my hands trying not act as nervous as possible. "so, you better come in then" I looked him in right in his eyes, his gorgeous blue eyes. He gave a quick smile which calmed me down a bit.

I led the way in to my house and offered them all a seat on my sofa. 

"wow, cat there was no need to push the boat out and get so dolled up for us"

"oh thanks kyle, yeah I thought I would make an effort" Well this was awkward my boyfriend so to be ex. Is sat in my lounge with his friends and they are commenting on how i'm dressed. 

Dan interrupted the so called 'banter'. "yeah I especially love the watermelon jumper, jee I wish I had one like that...oh wait I did. Until someone stole it"

"nooo, I think you have it all wrong. I don't steal. I think you will find i'm borrowing it. It got cold last night, metaphorically and actually. So I needed to find a jumper" As soon as I announced it got cold metaphorically eg, it  was cold between me and Dan last night the room fell with silence and instead of the friendly banter it switched to serious mode. 

"erhh yeah.. about that. ermm can we talk somewhere a little more private"

"sure. But my bedroom is as private as it's going to get" I started for my bedroom leaving the guys behind and Dan trialling after me. 

I opened the door for Dan and he invited him self to sit on my bed. He patted the space beside him, signalling he wanted me to sit next to him. I perched my bum on the space beside him getting ready for a whole lotta awkward. However what actually happened was not what i expected.

Dan snaked his arms around my waist pulling on my body so I would lay down with him. I did as he wanted not rejecting his kind offer. His arms were around my body as I lay in his arms. 

"I'm really sorry" Excuse me? yeah I thought it was. It was the sound of Dan apologising. 

"why are you saying sorry? I was a complete bitch to you. I know it's no excuse but I wasn't in the bests of moods yesterday. In all truth I was in a terrible state, I actually started drinking in the morning" I had no intention before hand to pour it all out to him like this but he deserve to know at least some of the truth. But I knew when to stop. I couldn't tell him why I was in the mood. I couldn't tell anyone, I couldn't trust anyone but Josh. 

"It's fine honestly, I forgive you. But if you don't mind why were you in a mood yesterday, it's nothing i've done is it?"

"Jesus no. It's defiantly nothing you've done. So you can stop think that right now!" The last part was more of a demand than a plea. I couldn't have Dan thinking it was him when is absolutely wasn't. 

"right.. so if it wasn't anything i've done what is it?"

"nothing it's fine, you don't have to worry about it"

"but I do, if we're together I want to support you and help you through anything. You can trust me, can't you?" yeah I can trust you with small things, but just nothing like this Daniel!!

"honestly, it's nothing for you to fret about. Just leave it okay?"

"look Cat, you can't keep bottling things up, you're going to have to start letting me in."

"yeah I should do, but it's just easier to lock people out than letting them in"

"well why don't you start now"

"Dan, it's not that easy." I looked away from his gaze and got up to pace around the room 

"it could be, just try"

I took a deep breath and I swallowed hard. I was actually doing this. I was letting another person in on my secret....

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Ohhh cliffhanger..ish

What do you think her 'secret' is? Please comment, I would love to know what you think it is. 

I just wanted to say thank you i'm over 100 votes!! Thanks for all the people who have voted for this fanfic. It actually astonishes me that people actually read, vote and comment for this!

Thanks.. again x