Deal With Chaos #ProjectNigeria

Chapter 35

Songs for this chapter are;
Bille Eilish idontwannabeyouanymore.
Jorja Smith Let me down feat Stormzy.
Billie Eilish Lovely feat Khalid.

The problem with me.

Is I love too hard
I hurt too much
I lie too many
I don't cry enough
I cry too much

I can't let go
I want nothing
I want everything
I put him first
I put God last

I climb a steep mountain that has no peak
I run away from my salvation
I lose myself in confusion
I think I know what I'm doing.

I'm not depressed
I'm not happy
I cling to people
So I can still have him

I wished to be good
I needed to be bad
I'm a master of myself
I'm the servant to myself

I'm too proud
My anger is a demon
I'm unrecognizable
I'm unlovable
Yet he tries to love me

I'll hurt him
I can feel it

The problem with me is me

****

I didn't have much hope for the upcoming exams, I knew that if I came out in flying colors that would be a miracle.

My mum was right.

Boyfriends were a hassle.

I was supposed to be focused on the biology exam I had tomorrow but I couldn't even focus on my note.

All my thoughts were focused on Tomi.

I looked out the window and noticed my reflection on the glass.

Her eyes looked tired, wary and scared.
Her face was worried.
Her mouth was upside down.
I hated her.
I really hated her.

"Kayla?"

I looked to my side to answer whoever was calling me, who I did not expect to see was Juwon.

I raised my eyebrow at him, "hi?" I said a bit confused.

I was presently in my class, with a few people around cause most had gone to the library and I thought I'd get to enjoy a peaceful class.

I guess not.

Juwon looked shy unable to meet my eyes.

"Can we talk?" He asked pushing his hands deep into his pockets and meeting my gaze.

I blinked but nodded, "sure."

He sat down in front of me, "how have exams been?" He asked.

I shrugged, "just there really."

He let out a small chuckle, "you'll probably do well anyway, I mean you're smart and..."

"Juwon." I said gently interrupting him, "What do you want?"