Diary Entry - Eundeok Married Life (Baekhera) [COMPLETED]

Little dove

Eun's diary

I told her – what I had in mind, about being her big brother. She will now call me Oppa, she will be mine forever and we shall have a good time together. Guess what? I feel much better now, telling her what I had in mind, and the fact that she wasn't angry at me for telling her so. Now, I can truly be myself around her. 

The grand general came to us this morning while we're washing up and getting ready for breakfast, he told us to visit the new king in the palace today, so that's what we'll do. I'm not close to Moo Hyung, I mean, His Majesty – I'm not close to him, but he's been good to me. Once, I cried because I missed mother after she got kicked out and he came to me with sweets, telling me not to cry. He's way older than I, but he's a nice hyung. I hope he will be a great king, not like father. I hope he'll care about his family more, unlike father.

The news shocked me, father's death. It's not like we are close anyway, but still...the news of him made me sad. If only he could just play with me once...have picnic once or even ride with me once. All he did was scold me, telling me to study - the only time I was grateful to him was when he forgave Haesoo for beating me up. I didn't cry, of course I didn't. Why would I cry for someone who abandoned mother and I? Never! Now if mother dies, then I would cry till my eyes pop. If grandpa dies, I too will cry for him – he's my good grandpa, though he scolds me a lot. What about Soondeok? When she fainted last time, I wanted to cry as well – not the tears of sadness, but rather, tears of regret. I'll make it up to her, I'll mend our bonds, I'll be good to her from now on.

Last night she fell asleep fast, I gazed upon her sweet face as she slept next to me – there's this peace I get when I look at her sleep. I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to kiss her so very badly, I guess it's because it's night time and I tend to think about those things at night. It's normal, right? For me to do that...I mean – I will act like an Oppa to her, but I'm still her husband, so I can kiss her if I want to, right? It's okay for me to want to hug her, right? It's normal for a man to do that, right?

Soondeok's diary

The carriage will come soon to pick us up, we'll be greeting our new king today. Eun didn't like the idea of entering the palace, me neither, but I think it's a gesture of courtesies for us to do so. The prince talked to me yesterday, about our relationship – he said he wants to be my big brother. Is this what they call 'sister-zoned'? But I'm not angry or sad, no, not at all. I'm extremely happy, I think it's nice to keep our relationship that way now – where Eun can feel comfortable being with me. I can be with him all day while he can be himself in front of me, isn't this a win-win situation? Sure, it's not the love I was after, but I won't push it. I'll wait, like a bud waiting to bloom when the right time comes – I will wait for the prince.