Heal my wounds (hiccstrid)

Chapter 15

Chapter 15: suck it in, you'll be fine

Astrid POV

- Thursday afternoon -

I quickly turned away from Hiccup not wanting to say anymore in the conversation. Yes I had tried to kill myself, more than once but that doesn't change anything does it?

I nervously fiddled my thumbs as I kept on sketching, behind me all I heard was hiccups breathing and the other people in the room either talking, sketching or throwing pain on each other, typical. Then I heard Hiccups chair move out. It was just like the time we when to the movie then went out to eat, he saw my cuts and he comforted me.

I felt the too familiar warmth on my arms as Hiccup wrapped his around around embracing me. I sigh into his chest but I then realised that his arms where around my stomach and he must realise how fat I am. How ugly and such a fatass I am.

I sucked in so my stomach wasn't big. But as soon as I sucked in Hiccup pulled away. And that's because I was so fat he felt disgusted to touch me any longer and he probably doesn't even want to look at me. I looked so ugly with my stomach no wonder my dad hates me and my mum is gone. No wonder hiccup pulled away so quickly. No wonder hiccup had asked me if I hade killed myself, he just wants to see if I've tried it so I might die sooner. Because I'm sick a fatass that no one wants.

I looked up at Hiccup to see a smile on his s face. "I'm always here for you, your worth so much and I need you here, because I wouldn't know what I would do without you, when I met you I saw an amazing girl who is always trying to make everyone happy when she isn't happy herself. So I'm here to make you happy and laughing" he smiled down at me. I looked into his eyes to see only honesty.

I looked down slightly flustered and subconsciously tugged on my sleeves so I could hide every inch of my body because I was ugly, despite what Hiccup said I didn't know what to do I felt like I could tell Hiccup but I felt like I still wasn't sure. "Good luck" I mumbled as I looked up at him. His expression turned serious but I just looked down and kept on sketching.

I quests Hiccup got that I wanted to finish the conversation so he sat down and started sketching but I noticed every few minutes he would look up at me, as if he was trying to read me. Read my thoughts, read what my life's like, but I know he couldn't and he won't because I don't let anyone into my life because they get to attached and eventually it just gets to much.

--/ time skip - lunch \--

I glanced up seeing Heather look right at me with a smile, she bit into her apple making some juice fly out of the apple and land on Snotlout who was sitting next to her. With a grunt of disapproval he wiped it off his face with his hand and wiping it onto the twins, who of course made a loud noise squealing about how it's deadly poison. The loud noise stared up Fishlegs who finally took his head out of his book and told the twins to be quiet, it was funny really it was a domino effect just from one person biting into an apple.

I had the tray of food in front of me, with nothing touched. I couldn't eat I felt like I was putting on weight from just looking at it. If I have the food everyone will think I'm so ugly and fat, fatter than I am now and they won't want to be with me. I mean they won't want a friend who is fat ugly and useless.

"Aren't you going to eat that?" Hiccup spoke up as he placed his hand on the lower half of my back. I felt slight tingles when he touched me but I ignored it. "M'not hungry" I mumbled out as I pushed the tray away from me to get the point across that I was not going to eat the food.

"Can I talk to you out side?" Hiccup questioned me looking me in the eyes. Uh ok" I slowly stood up and excused my self with Hiccup trailing behind me. I took a few turns and twists through the hall way getting away from the cafeteria making sure no one was going to hear what he was going to talk to me about.

"Alright Astrid I know this is straight forward but you have to listen to me, you need to eat your getting skinner every day and it's not healthy, and along with your... uh depression you need to be careful" he talk me, but the thought of eating made me cringe, I'll get to fat and Hiccup won't What me near him I'll be so fat Hiccup will make excuses to get away from me.

"No, I'm fine you have no idea what is happening in my life, what I've told you is the least of my problems it's only the tip of the iceberg ok? So back off I don't have to eat if I don't want to, if I starve to death I don't care and my so called 'depression' is ok I'm fine I'm getting better. But the thing is no one cares and I like it that way, I don't need to be looked after I'm fine. I'm ok" I spoke up angrily I was so annoyed I didn't have to eat I'm fine I don't want to be fat.

I knew that was pretty harsh but I just glared at him before turning around and running away, far away, away to a place where I can escape my worries at least for a while, where I could have a release and where I could be happy for at least 5 minutes until I had to face the real world.

To my razor

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Hi

I dunno bout this chapter

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- asty xoxo