Heal my wounds (hiccstrid)

Chapter 5

Chapter 5: What I say vs what I feel

-Wednesday-

Astrid pov

I was in the last lesson of the day, Art to be exact. Art always calmed me and made me feel free and able to let my hand move as I draw my thoughts onto a page. But right now no matter how much art I drew I couldn't be calmed.

The intense pressure that I felt thumping through my veins along with my heart rate increasing at fifty miles an hour. I didn't know what I could do. My legs bounced up and down in anticipation and my fingers tapped on the bench as for what was to come.

I didn't know what to do I was frightened of what was to come, but I wasn't scared. All I wanted was a world where I could come home to a family who makes me dinner and ask me how my day was. That was my wish, not to be abused by my father, but to have my father dance with me at my prom or walk me down the isle but I'll never get that, and I know it so I've got to hike up my skirt and get over it.

In the back of my mind when ever i'm getting abused I know that I deserve it. I deserve to be punched, slapped, kicked, spat at and called names at. It's hard when my father does it but I know that I'm worthless and more or likely better off dead.

In art right now we where starting our assignment where we had to draw our selfs on a paper. What we see when we look at a mirror. I knew exactly what I was going to draw, because I know what I am, and what people think I am. My hand shook slightly as I drew a straight line down the page.

On the very top there was going to be a sign saying "I'm fine" that's going to be placed spread across both sides of the paper on the top.

On one side there was going to be a full body view of me, looking happy, smiling and loving life and on top of that side it's going to say "what I say"

Then on the other side of the page the was going to be me standing there with bruises on me with my cuts and me crying standing there defenceless, alone with a sign on top saying "what I mean"

I set to work as I started with drawing the background first, completely oblivious that the teacher will need to see this, I was in my own world and nothing could slow me down.

The way the pencil moved across the page just like my hand had a mind of its own. Drawing out the sun sketching the shaded parts and the light parts. The worries all melted away as I drew and sketched and drew and sketched.

The happiness was short lived when I heard the bell ring for the end of the day and the class what dismissed. I shoved my drawing into my book before I took off quickly getting out so I could go to Heather as quick as possible and hopefully get home in time so I don't get such a bad beating.

I sprinted out of the class and through the hall ways. My legs ran so fast some people stopped and looked at me giving their friends side glances or a few chuckles about how much I must hate school but I just ignored it and sprinted straight to my locker.

Shoving my books into my locker and pulling out my bag without a care in the word I twirled around about to slam my locker shut before I heard a "owwww, what was that for?" My eyes widened as I saw Heather clutching her nose and moaning in pain.

"Oh I'm so sorry Heather" I explained with my apologetic words, she accepted my apology with a big smile and a bruised nose. "So Astrid I wanted to talk to you to see if you wanted to come over to mine on Friday night over to Saturday night?" Heather asked hopefully, while she dimmed her nose slightly.

I knew that my father is never home on weekends so I was happy about that "yeh that would be great!" I accepted happily with a smile on my face. Heather smiled back and walked away as her hand made a phone type thing. Signalling for me to call her for all the details.

I nodded as I sprinted out of school and pumping my goddamn legs so fast so that I didn't miss the bus. I let out a happy sigh as I made it into the bus and paying the bus driver my far. I was about to sit down at the front when I heard someone call my name.

I looked up to see the face I was grown used to seeing commonly. Hiccup. I smiled as I made my way and sat down next to him. "So how's it going?" I asked as I placed my bag under my feet.

"Yeh I'm good, and you?" He asked smiling slightly. "Yeh, hanging in there," I chuckled lightly mean for it to be a joke, although that's how my life was going I wasn't going to tell him that, but Hiccup looked a bit worried.

"You sure your ok, I dunno but you look a little... off?" Hiccup pushed further questioning me. My heart started beating faster hopping that he didn't know what was going on. I subconsciously tugged at the end of my sleeves making sure my cuts where hidden, but that didn't go unnoticed by him.

"No no you know just the whole starting up school and getting into the rhythm of things, ya know?" I smiled at him as I gave him a reassuring smile. Hiccup didn't push any further.

And before I knew it I was at my stop, I stood up as I gave Hiccup one last goodbye glance before I walked off the bus. To say I was frightened was an understatement, but I wasn't scared, but severely frightened.

I legs bucked underneath me as I clicked the lock into the key hole and pushed open the door. Just as I took my first step into my house, a large glass bottle whirled past me and smashed at the wall beside me.

I cringed as I smelt liquor and smoke along with all the glass on the floor broken and there is no was I was able to get past here with out cutting my foot. But then I heard a voice, the voice that haunts me and brings your blood cold with a bone shuttering shiver up your spine.

"Your late"

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Instagram: all.things.hiccstrid

So what do you thinks gonna happen?????

And if you don't get it it's Astrid's dad saying "your late" and omg she is in for it I feel bad for putting Astrid through this but you'll understand later

Fun fact: did you know I'm currently on a cruise and it goes for 10 days and every night I lay in my bed with the waves rocking me side to side as I write with I'm 5 days into the cruise and I've written 5 chapters so I'm doing my goal well at the moment so at the end of the cruise I want 9-10 chapters down in this book!!!

Love you all xx

- asty