Heal my wounds (hiccstrid)

Chapter 36

Chapter 36: 30 cuts
Astrid pov
Saturday

A loud sob racked my body as I scratched at my wrist angrily leaving red lines to pop up all down my arms. I let out a angry cry as I ran into the bathroom. I needed a release I needed a blade. Shakily I opened one of the wooden draws searching for something anything sharp to cut into my skin.

All I saw was soap and some lotion making me even more desperate than before. I couldn't stop myself when I quickly got up and made my way downstairs into the kitchen. I pulled out a knife not caring to be quiet now I didn't care if Hiccup heard me now he probably wouldn't even care and want me to cut a vein. I brought the sharp object up to my wrist and slicing across in a quick motion a few times as the blood was pouring out of my wrist.

"Astrid are you okay?" I heard Hiccup yell from upstairs I didn't bother knowing of he finds me he will be disappointed and I couldn't deal with his disappointed face it makes me feel even worse. I sliced more cuts into my skin not caring about Hiccup yelling upstairs.

"Astrid where are you?"

I kept cutting into my skin now 25 cuts where layered up my arms.

"Astrid no," I carelessly sliced another cut into my arm as Hiccup was sprinting down the stairs yelling at me to stop I didn't listen making another cut just before hiccup slapped the knife out of my hand. Tears where streaming down my face when I looked up at Hiccup and seeing how disappointed he looked made me loose it and let out a sob.

"Shit Astrid, it's okay we just need t- fuck your bleeding so bad let's clean you up," I just let out more sobs as I let him pick me up and place me onto the kitchen bench. Hiccup was running around looking for anything to place onto my cuts.

"Astrid I don't have anything here I just need to get the first aid kit, okay don't do anything I'll be back in a second," Hiccup places a quick kiss on my cheek as he ran down the hallway. I didn't bother looking up when Hiccup returned with the bandages I just watched my blood drip down my arm and making a small puddle on the marble bench tops.

I felt like I was going to be sick with the amount of blood I had lost but in some way I wanted to die I didn't want to be here anymore I had lost my mother, I had been chucked out by my father and I was here in my crushes house cutting up my arms I just didn't want to be alive it was too hard so I silently wished that I could die.

Hiccup finished wrapping up the cuts in a bandage and gave me a small kiss on the lips. I didn't do anything just sat their on the bench with my arm wrapped in a bandage and a sad boy in front of me.

"I'm sorry," my voice came out as rough because of my crying. Hiccup looked up into my eyes letting out a sigh before gently holding my hand and placing a small kiss on it.

"Astrid, this is the worst I've seen you I'm worried about you," I tried not to look at Hiccup knowing if I did I would burst out crying again. I just shrugged my shoulder ignoring hiccups scared face.

"What Brough this on Astrid?"

I just sat their not wanting to say anything, I knew that I had let hiccup down and I didn't want to admit it. I had just felt so horrible I woke up from a nightmare where Hiccup left me and told me I was useless and when I woke up the voices in my head had gotten too much they made me in need for a blade on my skin.

"A nightmare," I carelessly shrugged wanting to finish this conversation as quick as possible. Hiccup let out a sigh rubbing his hands through his hair he looked stressed and that made me even more made at myself for causing that.

"Astrid come to me instead of a blade if I didn't come in you could of kept cutting and died, Astrid you could of died." Hiccup was frantically walking back and forth in the kitchen tugging slightly at his hair. The sight made me frown I didn't want Hiccup to be stressed and definitely not stressed about me.

"Hiccup I'm sorry please don't tug at your hair it might hurt you," I placed my hand on his hair gently patting the area. What I didn't expect was Hiccup to let out a bitter laugh.

"It's quite hypocritical telling me to stop pulling at my hair when your sitting here with 30 deep cuts down your arm," I know Hiccup didn't mean to be mean he was just stressed but I couldn't help the feeling of self hatred that washed through me. I quickly got off the counter and rushed up the stairs into my room laying down on the bed just wishing I could fade away. Hiccup came up after me probably wondering if I would be okay.

"Hiccup," I whispered as his tall figure embraced me in his arms making a warm feeling rush through me.

"Astrid I'm here for you but you need to come to me when your feeling down," Hiccup looked into my eyes making sure I would agree I nodded my head timidly wanting to end the conversation.

"And Hiccup you have to come to me if your feeling down as well," I offered smiling up at the man in front of me. Hiccup looked taken aback by my statement but just pulling me in for a even tighter hug than before.

"What did I do to deserve you?"

—
I'm camping and there is no internet and I ran out of data !
Love you all xoxo
- Asty x