Heal my wounds (hiccstrid)

Chapter 11

Chapter 11: I lied, I cut, I smiled

Hiccups POV

- Monday -

I couldn't stop thinking about Astrid and her arms there were a lot of cuts on them her whole  bottom half of her arm had cut all on it and that worried me, how long had she been doing this? Had she every has thoughts about killing herself? Has she ever tried killing herself?

All these thoughts made uneasy that more than likely she had probably tried to kill herself and that thought alone made me on edge and want to throw up. I had stayed up most of the night studying self harm and things I can do to get her mind off stuff like hurting herself. I had my fingers crossed she didn't self harm last night.

I was now waiting and it was 5 minutes before class started and I was leaning against my locker waiting for Astrid to walk through the door. And just as I was thinking that Astrid walked straight through the school doors. I smiled slightly seeing her made me feel 110% better. She smiled back a timid smile almost as if it was rushed.

"Hey" she said quietly as she pulled her books into her locker from her backpack. "Hey" I spoke back quietly as well. I really didn't want to ask but I knew I had to. "Did you?" I looked at her hoping she would catch on. Astrid didn't seem the littlest bit hazed about the question and without a word she pulled up her sleeves making me gasp at how many there where a lot more than I remembered seeing. But no real fresh ones that she did last night. That made me smile happily and bring her into a warm embrace.

"I'm so proud you didn't cut last night!" I encouraged her. I honestly felt like we where getting somewhere and I knew we had a long way to go but we where going to do it together no matter what. "Thank you" she spoke quietly.

"Um I need to go to the bathroom I'll meet you in class" she said in a monotone not happy but not sad. "Alright I'll save you a seat" I piped up as she nodded her head in response. I turned around and walked my way into class 3 minutes early. Dropping my books down onto one of the seats at the back and putting my feet on the other chair so Astrid's spot is saved.

I waited patiently for Astrid to come through but it took her 5 minutes until she decided to show up. "Astrid why are you so late?" Ms Thomas spoke up slightly annoyed that Astrid had walked in late. "Sorry ms I had to go to the bathroom" Astrid quietly spoke back. Astrid was twiddling her thumbs nervously not knowing what to do. The teacher just gave her a little shrug of the shoulders, and gesturing for her to sit down.

Astrid walked up to me with a small frown on her face. She placed her books down on the desk I saved her before she sat down next to me. She pulled out her pencil before she started writing some notes in her notebook. I glanced down as I itched my leg but what I saw caught my attention. On Astrid's hands I saw droplets of blood on it.

My heart dropped I hoped she hadn't done it in the bathroom, I looked hoping what I saw wasn't true but it was because it was dripping down from her wrist but was partly covered because of her long sleeve shirt. I thought we had small progress she was clean for a day, well almost a day and now we're back at square one.

I gently grasped Astrid's hand the one with the drops of blood on it, at the movement Astrid eyes widened not thinking I would see it but I just ignored her sad expression and pulled a tissue out of my pocket. I gently pulled up the arm of the shirt so I could place the white tissue onto her red skin. I saw 4 cuts that she had scratched the scabs off them. I took in a breath so I wouldn't cry right there because it was awful seeing her in pain like this.

Guilt was written all over Astrid's face as I wrapped the tissue around her wrist and pulled down her sleeve. "Your going to be ok" I mumbled to her . "I'm going to help you" I spoke again making sure she knew how much I really wanted to help her because she meant something to me,she meant a lot to me.

"I'm sorry" Astrid's voice was in a quiet whisper as she looked down at her hands as if she was embarrassed to look up. "It's ok I'm here for you but please every time you want to cut please tell me I'm here for you, I mean you could of told me when we where at the locker room that you wanted to cut, I would of just helped you forget and be there for you help distract you from hurting yourself" I spoke gently so that Astrid knew that what I was saying was 100% true.

"Yeh but if I told you every time I cut you would get so annoyed with me, so maybe you can just come to school and see my wrists and we go from there?" Astrid asked and I knew that was the smarter reason instead of forcing her to stop but instead making her happy and ease her way out of it.

Easier said than done.

I nodded my head in response before I gently squeezed her hand mindful of the cuts. I needed her to trust me I needed her to be able to rely on my I needed her to come to me for any thing. I want her to be happy with herself. And that was what I was going to do.

I gently let go of her hand as we started to write down the notes. I kept taking glances back at Astrid making sure she was ok, I'm guessing I wasn't making it very subtle because she noticed and snickered my way. I just rolled my eyes and I realised that I was going to do anything to get Astrid's to be happy.

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Omg next chapter is gonna be soooo heart felt!!!

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Thoughts on Hiccup helping Astrid? (But don't worry there's something amazing going to happen)

Love you all

-asty xx