Heal my wounds (hiccstrid)

Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - Astrid hofferson
- Tuesday -
Astrid's POV

pain shot through me like wild fire, eating me alive as my legs gave way almost crumbling under my body weight as I made my way up to my room, today it was extra hard with the beatings from yesterday still clear on my skin. Purple bruises painted on my skin. Along with the hard whips from his belt, the marks where still evident on my back.

I hissed in pain when I laid down onto my bed my back burning with the contact from the bed sheets. The stinging pain on my skin hurt like hell. Ignoring the pain I shifted my head so it was laying on a pillow. I let out a sigh as my eyes stared at the ceiling, letting out a shaky breath I felt the tears slowly cascade down my face.

It hurts, getting abused.

especially by your own father.

It never used to be this bad, it started out rather innocent. Smashed plates by my feet. Which turned to shoving then it turned to punches. The first time he used his belt was only 3 days ago. It is now gotten to the point where I'm unsure of what to do. I know it's not normal but u do not feel like there is anything I can do about it.

I don't have anyone to tell and either way I don't deserve the pity, I dragged out a sigh I moved my legs around to be facing the door on the side of the room. With all the energy I had inside me I pushed myself up.

I stumbled my way to the bathroom pulling a towel out of the cupboard along the way. I reached the bathroom with a smile. I felt happy when I could just have a shower and let all the worries wash away even if it only last for the time I'm in there.

Smiling I closed the door and locked it with a click. I slowly pulled off my shirt to see bruises upon bruises, the happiness only lasted while I walked through the door.

I hated my body, no one ever complemented me but if they did they where only doing it out of pity. I scanned my back and looked at the whip marks I could still feel the whip coming into my skin. I shuttered at the awful memory that brings me nightmares.

I tried my hardest not to look at the sharp razor that was sitting on the bathroom bench. I looked past it and walked into the shower. I sighed in content when the hot water hit my skin warming me up.

I reached over to the shower ledge grabbing the shampoo bottle while I squeezed a little bit onto my hand. I brought my hand up to my scalp as I massaged my scalp with the shampoo.

After a few minutes I tilted my head back while letting the water rush down and wash it out. After the same process with the conditioner. My hand reached out and touched the metal handles. Turning both the hot and cold tap to the right.

I reached out my hand as I pulled the door open, and immediately cold air hit me as the steam from the shower swept past me and soon dissolved into nothing.

I shiver lightly at the coolness of the tiles that where under my feet. I pulled the white towel off the rack before wrapping it around my body. I Twisted the end of it and tucked it into the top of my towel, allowing me to move my arms freely with the towel tightly secured. I took a few more steps on my now numb feet, to face the mirror.

The mirror was such an amazing invention, but also it drained all your thoughts and replaced them with insecurities. I looked at my reflection and all I saw was an ugly, fat worthless girl. Who's boobs weren't big enough, bum wasn't round enough, who's face wasn't pretty enough, who's hair isn't long enough and who's legs don't have a big enough thy gap.

When I looked at my reflection I'm disgusted with myself. I was horrible, I break people's eyes when they look at me. They can never look away when they see fat all over my body they see my tummy that's not toned. They can look straight past my eyes and see the way I treat myself. I can practically hear and see them laughing about me and talking about me.

There was no end to it, I was ugly and that is what it is. I looked at myself, trying to find one thing I like about myself. I stood there staring at myself for 5 minutes and nothing came to mind. If I can't find one thing I like about myself how is anyone else gonna be able to find one thing they like about me.

I shook my head looking down trying to make the tears not fall. But as always I failed as the slaty drop fell down my cheek onto my arm. My gaze was locked on my wrist. Covered in scars from the area where the hand and wrist join, up to my elbow.

Some where faint while scars others where on their way to heal while others where gashes with only a thin liner of skin on top.

My wrist was like my canvas and I was the artist. Every time I felt useless and utterly done with life. I would come in here and pick up a razor, the cool metal soothed me and I found an area on my arm to make the next gashes. When the area was found I would place it agains my skin and drag it across. And with the motion my skin would cut causing blood to rush out. It gave me a sense of relief, with the pain on my arm I didn't have time to think about the pain on my back and heart.

I dropped onto my knees grabbing a razor and I did just that.

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Love you all