NWSL | Off Season

78

CHRISTEN

When I made it training this morning, I was disappointed not to see Kelsey, and even a little bit worried. I don't have her number - while she has mine now - so I wasn't able to call her or something. All through training - where obviously nobody knew why she wasn't here, because she only warned David this morning, but that's it - I couldn't focus, and had a beyond bad performance, because all I could think is her. 

But after training, when I turn around because David is making a funny face, and I see her, my jaw is set. She is slowly making her way to us, I realise she has a black cap on, hiding part of her forehead and eyebrows, as the huge scarf she has around her neck and on her mouth isn't necessary. She approaches us, only looking at David. It looks like she is avoiding my gaze, throwing her bag on the ground. 

David is waiting for an explanation.

"I'm sorry" Kelsey honestly says, her voice shaking a little bit. "I had.. an unexpected visit this morning. I will be there on time tomorrow, I swear."

She really looks weird today. David only nods, encouraging her to train a little bit on her own now, which she probably is here to do. Her eyes are a little bit red, and she seems so weak all of a sudden. 

I have a strange feeling in my stomach. 

When David, Arin, Yael and Rachel leave, I turn to face her, but she is already avoiding my gaze. I frown. 

"What's going on ?" I ask, suddenly feeling uneasy to even worry about her. 

She rolls her eyes. "Nothing. You can go."

As she is about to walk away, I stand on her way. When she tries to say something, I suddenly grab the cap and remove it, only to see blood all over her forehead. I then take her scarf away, and her lips and chin are in the same state. I guess it's pretty fresh because it's still bleeding. My eyes go wide, as she is sighing and sitting down to put her cleats on. 

This time, I truly am speechless. Someone beat the hell out of her. I shouldn't feel sick all of a sudden. I shake my head, while she puts her cleats on. After several seconds, she looks up at me and casually says : 

"Christen, I'm fine." 

"You're not ! Look at your face for God's sake !" I exclaim, kneeling in front of her. She finally looks at me in the eyes, and I can confirm they are abnormally red. My mind immediately starts picturing scenarios : maybe she went out last night, totally high because of the medication, and got into an huge fight ? That's seem to be the most logical thing. I set my jaw, restraining myself from yelling at her. But damn, her face. "What the fuck did you do this time ?"

Kelsey looks down. 

"It's complicated."

"Please" I beg, totally out of myself. 

She must feel I am not feeling good, because we lock eyes, and she shamefully sets her jaw. I am legit freaking out right now, and I don't really know why. Maybe you care about her, Pressy. That happens to everybody. - Yeah, but you shouldn't. She's so messed up. - Aren't we all messed up people ? Doesn't she deserve someone that cares about her ? She looks so helpless... - Maybe she doesn't want help, Christen. Maybe she doesn't want you to help her. - But maybe she does and won't admit it. Look at her, dammit. After my internal dialogue ends, my eyes fall on her hands, that are on the grass. 

Why do you want to hold her hand ? I ask myself, truly confused. She realises what I am looking at, and she removes her hand to put it on her leg. You don't. Focus. I see Kelsey close her eyes for several seconds.