NWSL | Off Season

64

SAM

We are reaching the final days of camp, and I gotta admit it showed ; with seven girls gone, we basically are only newbies, plus the Three Amigas. Feeling a little bit nostalgic, I just make my way to the balcony, as the rain is pouring outside. 

I feel a soft hand slip on mine, squeezing it gently. No need for me to look down at the girl next to me, because I'd recognize her by the way that contact makes me feel, but I can't help but stare anyway. Abby has a pretty shy smile on, as she lets go of my hand because doesn't want anyone to see us. Some of the girls are out because Mal came to visit us and they wanted to spend some time with her in between training. So, basically, it leaves us with Alex, Tobin and Allie chatting in one room - the blonde obviously got back with her boyfriend, Bati, after they saw each other to talk about how much they missed each other -, the newbies squad, such as Sonnett, Lindsey and Moe are with Mal, while Gibby and Rose are talking with Killion and some of the NC Courage girls in the rest room. 

Suddenly feeling the urge to touch her, I wrap my arm around her shoulders, which ultimately bring her closer. She nervously looks behind, only to realize there is nobody there. She then gets closer to me and I hug her. 

"My brother texted me this morning" Abby lets out, setting her jaw.

My heart drops : last time I've seen Joey, he grabbed my collar and threatened me. I hardly swallow my saliva, almost choking on it, while I am determined to look tough so that she feels like I can be relied on. 

I shake my head. "What did he say ?"

"He apologized and said he missed me" she whispers, and somehow she seems relieved. I know her family has always been important to her, especially her big brother because she would look up to him. "And he wants you to know he truly is sorry about what happened that day." she adds, looking at me to see my reaction. 

"That's... nice" I thoughtfully say. 

She looks up at me, biting her lips. 

"You know, I was thinking that you and I could use a little trip before preseason" she carefully says, nervously waiting for my reaction. 

I raise my eyebrows. "You mean, like a girlfriends honeymoon ?" I ask, seeing that she is blushing a little bit more.

I've known her for a very long time, and thorough all our college years and soccer careers, she's been here by my side. I can't believe I haven't told her my feelings before 2016, and now I kinda regret the time we wasted pretending we were not made for each other.

I crack a smile, as she is nodding. 

"Something like that, yeah"

"Do you have a special place in mind ?" I ask her, willing to make the suspense last.

Abby starts freaking out. "I-I mean I t-thought about, like... Venice ?" she stammers, before pulling it together and say : "I've heard that it's the most romantic city in Europe, so it's perfect for couples, and there is a plane departure from Boston."

This time, I can't help but pull her closer to me and kiss her lips smoothly. She moans, before her arms are surrounding my neck. My hands fall on her waist, as I am trying not to kiss her the way that I'd want to. 

I pull away, before saying : 

"Venice with you sounds amazing"

She smirks, before I hug her tightly. 

**

JANINE

I couldn't sleep last night, and the reason is quite obvious. I think I've never had that many conflicted feelings in one single night, a single lonely night. Literally. Ever since Shelina left to room with someone else, everybody is staring at me. They probably are wondering what happened, and came to the conclusion that, since she is the one leaving, I did something wrong. But they are too polite to tell me anything, so they keep on talking to me as if nothing happened. That's quite the summary of my day. 

A very, very cloudy day for a Beckie. 

When training finally resumes, I am feeling sick. That's because I didn't get to rest, and now my body is dead because of the intense four hours we had today. I am the first person to leave the pitch, as my teammates are talking to each other, exchanging laughs and giggles. Even if it's raining a little bit, I don't bother to do anything against that. My head is hurting, so I don't hear Shelina's voice when she calls me. 

It's only when she catches up with me, out of breath, that I notice her. Right now, I don't know what I should do. I mean, she kissed me, and ran away, even though she is in love with another woman. How am I supposed to deal with that ? Does she know that I like her in that way ? Her intense clear eyes are staring at me. 

She sighs. 

"I am so sorry about what happened yesterday... I, uhh, you pissed me off, and I didn't know how to explain what I was feeling at that moment and... I didn't think, so I'm sorry. And I'm an asshole for leaving. I'm sorry." she blurts out, her hands shaking a little bit. 

Everything is messed up. 

"Looks like you never think" I hiss, looking down at the ground. I start walking again, but when she grabs my arm and that I turn around to face her fully, I see her eyes are red. That makes me feel bitter. "What ?"

"I get that you're mad, I know I fucked up" she exclaims, trying to find the right words to make me pay attention. I cross my arms against my chest, as she is setting her jaw. I know Shelina is a proud woman, and that she hates to admit she was wrong for something. She then closes her eyes, and says : "Just know that it wasn't meaningless for me, Janine." 

This time, I am confused. "What do you mean ?"

Shelina is obviously avoiding my gaze, which means she is about to say a truth she doesn't want to hear herself. She slowly shakes her head, biting her lips, as I am just waiting here, looking tough when I am melting in the inside. 

Her words come out naturally :

"I wanted to kiss you" she says, before shyly looking at me. When she discovers my facial expression, as well as my jaw dropping, she blushes. "I know it's messed up, because you probably didn't want me to... But I just couldn't help it. It's something I've been willing to do for a long time, but each time I told myself that you weren't into me. You probably aren't, so I am a total idiot, but I couldn't-"

"Shelina" I try to say, but she doesn't listen. 

"- I couldn't stay away this time. I know what you think, I know Ali is still in the picture. She hurt me, and you're afraid I kissed you because I missed her. That's what I thought at first, but today I realised I missed you more in one day than I missed her in three weeks." 

"Shelina, stop." I order.

She doesn't even dare to look at me, as she nervously plays with her hands. She then shakes her head, and whispers :

"Never mind, forget that"

I could never forget.

But she's already jogging back to the pitch to hang out with the rest of the girls. So I just stand here for a minute, staring at her, but she doesn't turn around.