NWSL | Off Season

95

LINDSEY

The Thorns are throwing a party at Allie's, since Bati and her just sorted things out and took advantage of that to clean up their apartment, so I obviously had to go, even though this past week has been Hell for me. I've realized that, without Emily by my side, I feel empty. It's even scary that I can't just live without her. 

Michelle opens the door and immediately hugs me, comforting me because she somehow knows. Maybe Sonnett went to her, I don't know. But when Meggie and then Dagny come in my sight, I fake being happy and chill. The two girls hug me as well. There is something very good about that team : I feel welcome and loved every single time we have an event. 

After greeting almost everyone, I spot Tobin on a corner of the room, before realizing she is not alone. When Julie sees me, she blushes. 

"Well, someone's not hiding anymore" I tease them, as Tobin is just rolling her eyes at me, while Julie is avoiding my gaze, a tensed smile on her lips. I wrap my arms around the defender's shoulder, before giving Tobin our usual high five. "Seriously, I'm happy for you guys. You deserve it".

"Just don't tell Jill right away" Allie lets out, coming into the room as well, followed by her boyfriend. "She'll do an AVM or something".

That makes us laugh, but I don't laugh for long. 

Emily has made her way in, greeting Nadia and Dagny, before we caught eyes. Of course she emotions are here, right under the skin. I'd lie if I said I don't miss her, or her kisses, or her touch, because all of that just gave me life. After she's done with greeting everyone, she goes on the balcony, making it very clear that I had to follow her. I look at Tobin, who is eye-killing me because I am not going. 

So I go. When I join her, she doesn't even look at me, too caught up by the sight of Portland under her eyes. My elbows rely on the barrier, as I am just waiting for something to happen. Anything. 

The defender is the one slowly getting her hand closer to mine, biting her lips. I look at her, and this time she looks back. She knows she has to talk now, before our fingers practically are entangled, and this is a sign. So she takes a deep breath, before saying :

"I miss you, Lindsey."

"Whose fault is it, uhn ?" I harshly ask. 

I don't want her to think this is how I forgive everyone. She hurt my feelings by leaving when I asked her to be my girlfriend. I hesitated a long time before expressing my thoughts out loud, and really thought she wanted the same thing than I did. I still think so, even though she denied it pretty well until now. But I can truly see regrets in her eyes. 

She sets her jaw. 

"Mine." she whispers, before turning so that she is facing me fully this time. Her eyes are locked on mine. "I know I messed up. For my defense, I got scared. I've never been committed to anyone, and I was scared."

"Past tense ?" 

"Yes. Because I've realized I've never wanted anything more than be your girlfriend. You were right ; we have to stop hiding, because as much as it is exciting and shit, I want the whole world to know I am in love with you."

It's not really like Emily to develop on her feelings - she usually just stick to the minimum, that's something we have in common - but she looks confident doing so today. Her hand squeezes mine, and she is probably praying so that I'd forgive her.

My heart starts hurting. 

"How do I know you will not run away again ?" I ask, concerned. 

She bites her lips. "How do I know you won't run away either ?" she asks, frowning. "That's what being in a relationship means : trusting the other with your heart, even though they're able to just break it in milion peaces with a few words and even fewer acts."