NWSL | Off Season

67

This one is for you, Julz.

TOBIN

I roll my eyes, annoyed.

We just made it here like half an hour ago, and my thoughts already are clouded by Julie. The defender hasn't done anything wrong, it's quite the opposite actually ; she has taken her distances, just like we said we'd do in order not to get things even more complicated than it already is. But as Allie and Alex are talking to Becky - because the now dark-haired has to catch a flight later today to France and won't be able to stay long, so she wants to hold Ivy, who seems to have a bodyguard in Ash, who hasn't left her side ever since she got here - I can't focus on any word they say. 

My mind is focused on her, on the way she moves her head to the side when she agrees with something someone says, or the smile she releases when she thinks something could be funny but she's the only one laughing. Or even the way her neck seem more and more attractive to my lips. I shake my head, not willing to fight an internal war. 

I sit down next to Carli, who looks exhausted. I plant my eyes on her, and the captain suddenly looks worried. 

"Yo" I let out in a rather neutral voice, because I don't want her to think I am being a bitch right now. Of course Jill was right ; we are a family that need to support each other. But if it wasn't for Ivy, I wouldn't have come here because I still think relationships are getting on the way of the team's health. But that's just me, it seems. "Can I ask you something ?"

She looks at me, raising her eyebrows. "Yeah."

I start thinking about what I might ask, but the words come out naturally.

"Why Becky ?" 

That seems to come as a surprise to her. I know that because there is confusion in her eyes, and she probably guessed what I am thinking right now. 

"I know what you think : why her and not someone else that is not on the team, that I'd be allowed to love ?" she rephrases, her piercing eyes not escaping from mine because she is fierce and knows how to stand up for herself. I see her set her jaw. "Because love is not choosing the person you love. Don't you think I've been trying to push that feeling away for a very fucking long time ? I've been in love with her ever since she walked in that conference room many years ago, when she first was called up. I remember that day as if it was yesterday, because at that time I was living a happy life with Brian, and she came in and just destroyed all my convictions. But I stayed with him, just to avoid her." 

I smirk. "See you haven't been able to stay away after all" I then let out in a neutral voice. 

She smiles. "No. Because she was feeling the same, and she didn't want rules to get in the way of something bigger than us." Carli then goes on, her eyes falling on Becky. As she is staring at her, I just see sparkles, and also pride. She then looks back at me, and continues : "Something that confused both of us, because it was so strong, and different from everything we've lived before. If you ask me if I rather win an Olympic medal or kiss her on a beach, I'd choose the second option. I've dedicated my life to soccer, but I can't live without Becky. That's why we agreed on remaining pros on the field, and even off. So you don't have to worry about that, trust me." 

I nod. "I know."

She then smiles, and looks at Becky again. "I wish you to love someone so deeply that it tears your soul apart, Tobin. That's something so much bigger than hate and humanity." 

As these words come out of her mouth, my eyes are looking for Julie. She is still talking to Christen, and my heart somehow sinks. I know that feeling way too well : I have to resist her, because that team doesn't need any more drama.