Emily.

Emily 40.

Emily!

The boys were there along with Marcel and some nasty hoeish girls. I went straight upstairs and lay on the bed reading, I read for hours, I missed all of this, sometimes I missed being alone, weird as it sounds I do. I heard all his friends going and girls saying their goodbyes. Soon Marcel came in and looked at me.

?Sorry about today.? I said. He nodded and sat on the bed.

?Em,?

?Mmm.? I smiled and sat next to him.

?I love you a lot.?

?Me too, I could never leave you.? I smiled.

?Really?? I nodded and kissed him. He pushed back on the bed and started removing my clothes. He removed his and we started doing it, we did it quite often, I was getting tired of it, but I just did it because he wanted to, it made me think of someone whenever, it was horrible. The memories of the past, everytime we did it. I stopped him half way.

?Stop!? I said crying. He paused and looked confused.

?What??

?Please, get off!? My heart was racing, because it seriously felt wrong, even the first time, I stopped my self from thinking about what was wrong with it. He screwed me hard. I hit his chest.

?Get off! I can't breathe!? I shouted. He got off me and lay on the bed. I quickly got into my clothes, what was wrong with me.

?MY MEDICATION!? I thought aloud, without it, I felt like this. I covered my mouth, I looked at him, he wasn't listening, I walked out the room and went downstairs, it was messy and smelled. I shook my head and went into the kitchen took my tablet and I started feeling better. I went back upstairs and lay down.

?What medication?? He said staring at me.

?Just medicine.? I turned away and closed my eyes. He sighed and sat there.

?Em I want a baby? He said. My eyes were wide opened. I didn't. My counsellor warned me to wait a few years, maybe after uni.

?I want us to wait.?

?Why??

?Because I don't want children now.? He growled and walked out slamming the door, which made me jump.

I sighed and closed my eyes. That whole night he didn't come back to bed, and he was angry...

3 months later.

Things aren't getting any better, I mean Marcel was always angry with me, I didn't go anywhere and tried to make up for the time we didn't spend together but I couldn't. He would go raving and come back the next day, it was stressing me out. His friends were so horrible to me, every time they came around I'd stay in the room. One night Marcel came home so late he hit me for asking him a question, that's when I knew the baby issue got to him, I wanted things to be right, I wanted them to be perfect, but having a baby would have to wait, I had a lot of things I could do before having it.

I was planning to go Uni this year, but I wanted me and Marcel to be okay before I left, his anger was strong, which made it difficult because he would shout, I would ignore him, then it builds up. I went shopping for some new clothes, with some money, and got food too, I was relieved to be out, because the tension in the house was getting out of hand.

I got in and sighed.

?Marcel I'm back!? I was excited I got him T-shirts and stuff. I opened the living room door and the smile was wiped right off my face. He stopped kissing some randomer in our home sitting on his lap, and looked at me.